Heavyweight Fight October 19, 2009 11:07 AM | permalink

According to this BBC news story,  demonstrators are gathering outside of the office of the Mayor of London, demanding that he pass a law that would make it a hate crime to attack someone because the victim is fat. We'll keep you up to date on this important story, unless it peters out right around the time the protesters decide to break for lunch.

The demonstration claims that their message is "coming at you with music and fun, and if you're not careful, you may learn something before it's done."

These (Dumb) Kids Today October 15, 2009 8:23 AM | permalink

According to an article from the BBC, a recent study claims that 75 percent of 16-24 year-olds "couldn't live" without the internet. Seeing as I was born and raised without the internet, I scoffed at these ridiculous kids and immediately looked up what was in fact "essential to maintain human life." What I found was the definition of the word "vital" which reads as follows:

vital
1. essential to maintain life
2. of, relating to, having, or displaying life
3.
a. the bodily organs, such as the brain, liver, heart, lungs, etc., that are necessary to maintain life
b. the organs of reproduction

You will note that nowhere in that definition is the word "internet" included. Of course, where did I look it up? 

You guessed it, the internet. 

Rats.

Maybe those dumb kids have a point.

Animal Crackheads October 13, 2009 9:00 AM | permalink

The mission statement of the San Diego Zoo, one of the finest in the world, reads as follows:

The San Diego Zoo is a conservation, education, and recreation organization dedicated to the reproduction, protection, and exhibition of animals, plants, and their habitats.

While no one expects every zoo around the world to achieve the level of prestige that San Diego maintains, it's hard to believe that the latest stunt by a zoo in Gaza City wouldn't violate the policies of "education" and "protection" or even "exhibition" of animals. Israel apparently has such tight restrictions on what can be imported into the Gaza Strip that new zoo animals simply don't make the cut. 

So, when the zebras that were in the zoo's possession died after being neglected during Israel's blockade of Gaza, the zookeepers decided that instead of paying the exorbitant cost of smuggling new zebras into the zoo, they would do the next best thing, and paint a bunch of stripes on some donkeys. 

According to the son of the zoo's owner: "The children don't know, so they call them zebras and they are happy to see something new."

Of course, if you're going to use paint and fake hair on a donkey to give the children a thrill, why not go all the way and make a couple of unicorns?

The Information Stuper-Highway September 10, 2009 10:19 AM | permalink

I know you were probably thinking that the biggest tech news of the week was Apple's unveiling of the new "refreshed" iPods, but that's because you don't live in South Africa. Of course, if you lived in South Africa, you wouldn't likely know about the the new iPods, because the internet is so slow over there that you are better off sending information by carrier pigeon.

Seriously. 

To drive home the point about how bad broadband service is in the country, a local call center business called The Unlimited took 4GB of data on a memory stick, tied it to leg of a carrier pigeon named Winston, and sent him off on the 50 mile journey from Howick in South Africa’s Kwazulu-Natal province to Durban, while attempting to download an equally sized file at the same time.

Any guesses who won?

Including the time it took download the information onto and then off off the memory stick, Winston got the job done in just over two hours, the same time it took for the computer to complete just 4% of the download. 

Sadly for South Africans, none of the new iPod's features include straps that allow the mini music players to be easily affixed to Winston's leg.

Scrum-Dums August 31, 2009 12:08 PM | permalink

I always used to laugh it off when I'd read warnings on cough syrup labels or booze that read people under the influence the substance shouldn't "operate heavy machinery," as though they thought that I was going to put down my bottle of Rolling Rock, and hop behind the controls of a backhoe.

Well, 26-year-old rugby player Emma Winch isn't laughing, after being airlifted to the hospital when fellow drunken rugby players  at a tournament near Wales rolled a two-ton grass roller into her tent while she slept, fracturing her skull. Winch sustained nasty facial injuries, with one witness claiming that "it was a crazy, stupid thing to do", and that "the young woman could have been killed."

Twenty-one male players from a an under 19 youth rugby team were arrested for the incident.

Criminals Get Caught Escaping on Pigskin? July 20, 2009 10:38 AM | permalink

Americans may read the headline that some criminals tried to escape a robbery "On a 3MPH Punt" and assume some bad guys played football. Turns out a punt is actually a boat. Go figure.

I Steel Beleef July 10, 2009 1:27 PM | permalink

For those who enjoyed those cute Ukranian boys singing Katy Perry as much as I did, I give you Russian grandmas singing Britney Spears. 

World's Dumbest Wife? July 6, 2009 10:05 AM | permalink

Lady Sawers, the wife of Sir John Sawers, the brand new chief of the British Secret Intelligence Service, reportedly neglected to use any privacy settings on Facebook, making her page visible to any of the hundreds of millions of users who are in the London network.

But of course, the English are far too refined to print such a story and so their newpapers respectfully demurred and decided to run a lengthy article interviewing Gordon Brown about his cuff links.

Yeah right -- this story is prime tabloid chum -- it's got all of Old Blighty in a frenzy, so let's join in!

On Lady Sawers page she is said to have revealed the location of their London apartment!  Their friends!  His secret code name and best of all -- embarrassing snaps such as a picture of Sir John wearing a Santa hat and one of him cavorting pale as a corpse (or a British person) in a nut-smuggler bathing suit (pictured)!  Lots more cringe-worthy pics posted by the moronic missus here from The Mail on Sunday.

The best headline yet for this story: The Spy Who Loved...to Wear Speedos!

Story tip via Jeff via Andrew -- thanks!

No Joke July 2, 2009 12:52 PM | permalink

A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I want you cut my penis off."

The doctor says "why?"

The man says "because my girlfriend will break up with me if I don't."

And the doctor says, "__________"

Actually, the doctor agreed, went through with the procedure and everyone lived happily ever after, because the man had a very sensible reason to want to remove his unit. Still, if you can think of a better punchline than that, leave it in the comments. I swear, it isn't a joke. 

Now, I bet you're wondering what this man's excuse could be. Maybe he's a painter?

Nope.

The fact of the matter is, Ang Quiang was born with two penises, and his lover, apparently feeling that there is such a thing as "too much of a good thing," demanded he have surgery to remove one of them. So he did. I'll tell ya, it's gonna be tough to find an appropriate "Get Well" card for that one.

You might want to just go with an e-Card .

It's sad though, because you show me a man with two penises, and I'll show you a man who's ambidextrous. Let's hope he doesn't lose that skill too, he could have been an amazing juggler.

Even sadder is that somewhere out in the world, there is a woman with two vaginas reading this article, gasping in shock and putting down her newspaper as she silently weeps.

New Zealand Man Has Dryer Sense of Humor June 23, 2009 11:11 AM | permalink

You know why international stories of dumb are so great? Because they include descriptions like "...to add injury to his predicament, his he was starkers."

His he was starkers?

The predicament involves a Kiwi named Dave Chapman who got his head stuck in a clothes dryer.

Don't miss the hilarious video, when a news reporter asks Chapman to recreate his trip on the stupid spin cycle. Be forewarned that Chapman uses some NSFW language to describe the sensation of having his head banged around a hot cleaning appliance. At least I think it's NSFW--the New Zealand accent is so thick that it's near impossible to make out exactly what he's saying, other than it wasn't particularly pleasant.