It's Trash Day October 27, 2009 9:00 AM | permalink

Here is a gem of a movie preview.  In 1995 Harmony Korine, then 22, received film industry notoriety for writing the depraved urban drama Kids. 

Korine followed it by directing a warped saga Gummo in 1997 and the strangely touching Julien Donkey Boy in 1999, which received international acclaim and includeded a cameo by German mad man director Werner Herzog. 

Korine is also known for his friendship with Ol' Dirty Bastard, the late rap genius from Wu-Tang Clan.  With so many weird artistic accomplishments and associations under his belt, it is fitting then that his next film is his most bizarre creation yet.  This is the brief trailer from Trash Humpers which somehow toes the line between endearing and totally creepy.  Happy Halloween:

2 Dumb Bloggers; 1 Cup Movie September 9, 2009 11:38 AM | permalink

Ritch and I are in a movie.

The same movie.  For reals.

It's called I'll Believe You and it comes out on DVD today.  It's also on iTunes, Time Warner On Demand and elsewheres.

The flick stars Mo Rocca, Ed Helms, Chris Elliot, Patrick Warburton, David Alan Basche, Fred Willard and many more comedy luminaries.

It has got nothing to do with truTV, it's just something we did, and its cool and we figure if a full 1/4 of our blogging force is in a feature film, we are allowed to shamelessly hawk it here on the blog for one day only.  Oh and Ritch has a werewolf book he co-authored coming out later this month, which I will also plug because we nerds gotta look out for each other.

The DVD has tons of extras even I haven't seen yet.  Here's some action shots of me and Ritch in the movie.  Hope you enjoy and please order one copy for each eye!

 

That's me as Rhonda from Melbourne Beach.  I play a kook.  Can you say typecasting?

 

That's Ritch acting his socks off!  Fact: His faux metal band shirts were designed by an Emmy-award winning writer and performer.

 

That's me (middle) and Ritch in the back -- proof we are not the same person!  Also Mo Rocca (r) and David Alan Basche (l).

 

And finally, here's Ritch's character duct taped and eating an ice cream sandwich.  Again, typecasting!

The 20 Minute Movie Script: Stockyard Blues July 6, 2009 4:02 PM | permalink

As we mentioned before, the Monday after a holiday weekend is a slow news day.

As such, my editor challenged me to write a one-page movie treatment based on three topical news stories in 20 minutes. The stories were:

Swedish bikini strangler
Sarah Palin resigns
911 cow call.

OK, here goes.

Title "Stockyard Blues"

The film opens on a farm in Juneau, Alaska.

Close up on a fencepost as driving wind batters the latch of the fence's gate. Cut to a car, speeding down a Juneau road. SARAH PALIN, the governor of Alaska is behind the wheel. There is a baby strapped into a carseat, and the speedometer is reaching 90 MPH.

Back at the farm, the latch to the cow fence rattles open and the gate swings wide. A nearby cow, distracted by the sound of the gate opening, meanders towards the open gate. It moos, alerting other cows, who follow. We cut back to the car, as Palin speeds past a sign that reads "SLOW, COW CROSSING." While driving, Palin is on a cell phone, loudly fighting with what seems to be her teenage daughter.

Cut to a farmhouse window, where an Alaska woman looks out and sees her cows heading for the road. She picks up the phone, and dials three numbers. She shouts into the phone "I got seven ****ing cows out, maybe going to the ***king highway! And you need to let everybody know that there are loose cows out there! They'll probably cause a major ****ing accident, you hear me? Hello?! Hello?"

Back in the car, Palin is now sobbing into the phone, explaining that all the pressure of the national media has made her life a living hell. The car goes over a small bump, and gains a little air. As she drives directly into the path of several cows who are blocking the highway, we cut to a closeup of a cow's eye, widening in fear. We fade to black, as the sound of mooing, screams and crashing metal are heard.

A title card comes up: TWO WEEKS LATER. Palin is giving a somewhat rambling resignation speech that the national media can't make heads or tails out of. Some whisper there is a still concealed scandal, and others merely wait and see. As the speech ends, Palin trudges inside and, true to her word, attempts to change government from the outside, by becoming a bikini oil wrestler (in real oil, natch) with her daughter Bristol. The film ends after Bristol strangles her mother with her own bikini top, as they both collapse topless in the center ring. In the final frame, a tear rolls down the cheek of a lonely pitbull in the parking lot. It is wearing lipstick. Directed by Oliver Stone.

OK, it's not a masterpiece, but 20 minutes isn't a lot of time.

Still, I'd watch it, especially if Megan Fox plays Bristol.

Real Reel Life Photo May 13, 2009 11:47 AM | permalink

Director Adam Gierasch on the set of Autopsy.

Photo by Joe Bishara.

Check out Jace and Adam's creepy movie blog: creepymofos.blogspot.com

A Thoughtful Analysis of Internet Buzz: Is America Dumb? May 12, 2009 2:45 PM | permalink

This morning the top five most popular search terms on Yahoo buzz were, in order: Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Prejean, American Idol, The Hubble Mission and Rihanna. While it might be easy to look at that list and accuse Americans of being excessively focused on celebrity, and therefore totally dumb, I think it's worth looking deeper. 

It is completely understandable to gather that an intelligent population would be drawn to this list, if one can accept the following these truths:

A) All human beings must deal with adversity and tragedy.
B) Dealing with adversity and tragedy is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
C) Seeing people naked is awesome.
D) Admitting that seeing people naked is awesome is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
E) Outer space is awesome.
F) All human beings must deal with embarrassment.
G) Dealing with embarrassment is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
H) Pop music is awesome.
I) Television is awesome.
J) All human beings must deal with the mysterious and powerful forces that make up human sexuality.
K) Dealing with the mysterious and powerful forces of human sexuality is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
L) Everybody likes to feel smart.
M) Making fun of stupid people is awesome.
N) Admitting that making fun of stupid people is awesome is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
O) Pretty blondes are awesome.
P) Dinosaurs are awesome.
Q) Sharks are awesome.

If these truths are awarded one point each, the Buzz rankings start to make a great deal more sense. Observe:

#5) Rihanna recently survived a domestic assault (A,B) and had her nude photos (C, D) appear on the internet.

Total Score: 4

#4) The Hubble Mission takes place in outer space, which is not only awesome (E), but enables us to take pictures of even deeper in outer space (another E) and perhaps even put those pictures on television (I). Reading about the mission allows us to feel smart (L) and if you really think about it, the Hubble Mission is based on the idea of maintaining a powerful telescope which, we all realize, may one day be turned around towards Earth and used to spy on naked people in the shower (C.)
Total Score: 5

#3) American Idol is on television (I), features popular music (H), and regularly embarrasses its contestants so horribly that they actually become celebrities for it (F, G). At least one of the celebrity hosts (Paula Abdul) appears to be dangerously stupid, which not only makes us feel smart (L), but enables us to make fun of her through that filter (M, N).
Total Score: 7

#2) Carrie Prejean is a pretty blonde (O) who lost a beauty pageant (A) on television (I). She appears to be stupid and fun to make fun of (M), which in turn makes us feel smart (L) . Her comments on gay marriage force us to contemplate the mystery and power of human sexuality (J), and these events have conspired to make her a celebrity (B, J, K, N). As though that weren't enough, her topless photos have recently been seen on the internet. (C, D) If she seemed even remotely embarrassed of any of this, or parlayed it into her own television show somehow, she'd be making a run for the top spot. 
Total Score: 12

#1) Farrah Fawcett is a famous, pretty, blonde (O), television actress (I) who in addition to being one of the most popular sex symbols of the past 50 years, (J, K) has posed naked several times(C,D). She once appeared on David Letterman's show so out of sorts that she made the entire country think that she was really dumb (M, N) and made everybody else feel much smarter (L). This was tremendously embarrassing to her (F, G). Sadly, she is suffering from cancer (A,B), and not just any kind of cancer, anal cancer,  which gets her an extra (A) and (F) right here. Our thoughts and prayers go out to her.
Total Score: 15

And as a final note, I am aware that none of these stories involve either dinosaurs or sharks, which may lead you to wonder why they were included in the initial list of facts. Fair point. But, just for a moment, look over this list, and ask yourself whether it would be more or less compelling to you if anyone in the top five either discovered a clue to the mystery of the dinosaurs or were attacked by a shark. upon reflection, I think you'll agree that despite the lack of dinosaurs or sharks in the top five, they belong on this list for sure.

So enjoy your web searches, geniuses.

I hope you find what you're looking for.  

This Movie Is Taking Forever... May 4, 2009 3:10 PM | permalink

So, I found a pretty fun website today called "Where are you in the movie?"

The site asks you to fill out a life expectancy chart with a number of questions about your health, family history, and behaviors that cause potential health risks, and it spits out a number. I'm going to live until I'm almost 84.

What sets this site apart is it lets me know that if my life was a movie, how far into it I would now be, along with a convenient screen shot. It gives you perspective, in a bizarre way. You can choose from a number of different movies including Star Wars, The Big Lebowski, The Wizard of Oz and more.

I picked Star Wars, and I'm discouraged to say that as a relatively healthy married dude in his mid-thirties, my life right now is that crappy digitally enhanced scene with Jabba the Hutt that they shoehorned back into the re-release. That figures. If I had just had a few more sexual partners, I could be living through the destruction of Alderaan right about now.

What I'm saying is, life is full of regrets.

I'm not too down about it, though. I still have quite a long stretch of life out before me in Star Wars time, I still haven't learned that it's better to "let the Wookie win," I've never tried on a stormtrooper suit, and my pal Porkins won't die in a ball of fire until I'm in my mid 60's. I have a lot to look forward to.

On the other hand, it will be almost three entire lifetimes until somebody hips me to the fact that the girl I was making out with when I was 50 was actually my sister. I'm not really sure what to make of that, especially seeing as I don't have a sister.

Or at least I don't think I do.

I changed my mind. That website is no fun at all.

Movie Plots, In A Nutshell April 17, 2009 9:00 AM | permalink

Movies are magical, and we all love them here.

But sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the grandeur and emotion of the cinema and we lose the very essence of the stories, which as the bloggers at postmodernbarney point out, are often more uncomfortable than we think.
We're pretty sure that you've heard of the classic movies whose plots are briefly summarized here, but I wonder if you will recognize them by their truncated descriptions?

-Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.

-Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.

-Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.

Check the complete list to see the answers!

The Sounds... Of Stooges March 25, 2009 6:10 PM | permalink

Breaking dumb news today, from Variety, as The Farrelly Brothers, the guys behind dumb classics like Dumb and Dumber, There's Something About Mary, and Me, Myself and Irene are gaining ground in their quest to remake The Three Stooges. Apparently, Sean Penn has been cast to play Larry, with negotiations under way for Benicio Del Toro as Moe, and Jim Carrey as Curly. 

But for all the press these casting choices may inspire, my question is, who will do the sound effects? As a longtime fan of the Three Stooges, I've always thought that whoever produced the over-the-top smacks, slaps and punches that the boys rained down on each other was truly the unsung Stooge. And in case you're not sure who was behind those sounds, you're not alone, because it's not that easy to find. But thanks to some digging, and an assist from my pal Steve, (a pretty great comedy editor in his own right) I think I found the answer.

In the Book One Fine Stooge, longtime Three Stooges director and soundman Edward Bernds gives Columbia sound designer Joe Henrie the credit for being the master behind the Three Stooges sounds effects, saying "the Three Stooges comedies were his babies." He goes on to call him "damn close to being a genius as a sound-effects editor."

Some of his signature tricks included "a ukulele plunk for pulling hair from head, a plunger for pulling a tooth...(and) sandpaper for shaving or rubbing Curly's nose or face."

As far as I can tell, no sound designer has been announced for the Farrelly's version of the Three Stooges, but that's about par for the course; Joe Henrie's IMDb page doesn't give him any credit either.

Dumb Remake Department: Slap Shot February 3, 2009 2:57 PM | permalink

This story from Variety (the Hollywood paper of record) was forwarded to me by a friend who shares my love for the 1977 classic hockey film Slap Shot. The subject of the email was "Somebody better start a violent blog campaign over this one..."

Yep, they are remaking Slap Shot.

While it's very easy to rant and and say "The original was better," this is Hollywood, and they'll remake anything for a chance at a buck. They have already announced the writer and the director, and while not complete hacks, the choices seem a little uninspired. That leaves the casting, one crucial element that in my opinion, makes the original a masterpiece.

So, here are some of my suggestions for the actors in any remake of Slap Shot. Are you listening, Hollywood?

Team Captain Reggie Dunlop

Ice Cube. Nobody will ever be a better Paul Newman than Paul Newman. So why not go another direction entirely? Slap Shotis famous for it's funny, filthy dialog, and who better to bring that back than the former front man for N.W.A? If they wanted to get a little racial with the humor, he'd be an amazing choice. You think Ice Cube would be happy about the Indian head logo on the Chiefs T-shirts? That's comedy, right there.It's a natural fit. He has "ice" right there in his name. Think about it. I'm right about this.

The Hanson Brothers

The producers should once again get real hockey players to portray the most famous goons in movie history. I'd suggest the Staal Brothers; Eric plays for the Carolina Hurricanes, Jordan plays for the Pittsburgh Penguins and Marc plays for the New York Rangers. Plus, two of them got arrested last summer for allegedly having a wild bachelor party, a scene which should be written into the movie. Cast them now, work out the acting issues later.

Sportswriter Dickie Dunn

Seth Rogan. The star of Knocked Up and the 40 Year Old Virgin, is Canadian, and funny. I'm just trying to capture the spirit of the thing.

General Manager Joe McGrath

By all rights, this is a role that should have been Newman's. The aging leader of the Chiefs needs to be an old lion, like Strother Martin, who originally mastered the role. I'll go ahead and say Dan Aykroyd.

I'll cut this one short, seeing as fans of the film may be able to flesh out the cast in the comments section, or tell me where I got it wrong. I look forward to the debate!

Halloween 'Bueller' Flash Mob -- Exclusive Interview! October 30, 2008 12:13 PM | permalink

A group of artists is trying to re-create the parade scene in the movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" at this year's Halloween parade in New York and they want your help.  They also want Matthew Broderick's help; they even  taped a personal plea to his front door. 

Heck, they even have a Wikipedia page, which means, in their words, "we exist."

We spoke to Mina Karimi and Kara Suhey, the brains behind this autumnal adventure, to get the info on how the whole thing started.

Q: Why is this movie so meaningful to you?

A: Ferris has this beautifully optimistic outlook that is truly authentic and the embodiment of positive charisma. With his charming irreverence, he reminds us of the supreme importance of personal freedom and absolute trust in the deepest level of self. We feel he is striking a particular chord right at this unprecedented cusp of whatever is happening in human history. Things are happening, and we feel like dancing.

Q: Do you think this is more important than getting people out to vote? 

A: Regardless of who wins the election, we will still be residents of this country.  The particular leader will have a significant impact upon our daily affairs to a certain extent, but fun is possible in every moment. It's a choice that is worth celebrating and encouraging.  That in itself is a vote.  A vote every moment that can have a much further reach than a single, confidential ballot.

Q: Do you worry about  your ratios, with perhaps one too many beer maids or extra guys in tan down vests?

A: Nah.  An excessive parade of dudes in tan down vests or women dressed as German villagers are welcome to present themselves in our lives.

Q: Why this and not the "Fame" public dance scene?  Are you against dancing on cars or afraid your crew won't be able to do lifts?  For reference go :59 in here.

A: It has been 59 seconds, and "Ferris" reigns supreme.  Still.

Q: Have you asked other stars from the movie to show, like Ben Stein?

A: We have!!!  Jennifer Gray is driving the truck pulling the float, Mr. Rooney is skateboarding alongside, and Ben Stein himself will be smoking a hookah in the middle.

Q:  How did you get The Brooklyn Steppers on board?

A: The Brooklyn Steppers got a bit confused and thought we were the ones recreating the Michael Jackson "Thriller" scene.  We haven't told them yet, but we've promised them free pizza so we figure everything will be OK.