Baby Have We Got Stupid Links November 6, 2009 3:27 PM | permalink

Photos of old people playing Guitar Hero.

John Devore has broken up with smoking.  In his words, "She did nothing for me: made me stink, emptied my bank account, and wreaked havoc on my health...On the plus side, she never called me crying at three in the morning. And she made me look so cool...She tasted great with whiskey...I knew she’d never leave me, and she’d keep me company when I was lonely, or up until five in the morning hack writing. Ours was a relationship devoid of the threat of rejection. We had planned on having many beautiful tumor babies together. But now, I’ve kicked that bitch to the curb."  Read the whole story right here on The Frisky.

Oh ya, real babies shouldn't smoke, blah blah blah... but ceramic babies can!  Get yours here.

Speaking of wrong: Hairless bears in Leipzig, Germany.  Ewwww.

World's most disturbing Christmas ornament (pictured right) can be yours for only $40 plus shipping.

Or you can be the first on your block to own this crap and glitter-filled "shower art."

Three wolf moon shirt goes all literate and stuff.

Bra-freakin'-vo!  Buzzfeed decides to attempt to open a bottle of wine in the magical shoe against a wall method demonstrated by that anonymous drunken Frenchman in the viral video -- and it works!

Rolicking Thursday Roundup October 15, 2009 2:30 PM | permalink

Wait, what?  Bunnies are being used to heat homes in Sweden.  That's hott.  Literally.  Apparently they toss frozen bunnies in the incinerator. Thing is, this might be a smart use of ex-bunnies, but who the heck can approve of burning Bugs?

OK, moving on...the image of Paris Hilton and Bugs Bunny is appropriate to the above story and appropriately bizarre, but it's not new -- it's from 5/11/2006 when she attended Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis' birthday.  But my question is: Where has Paris been?  Is it me or is Paris Hilton's every move suddenly off the stupid radar?

Oh, wait, maybe it's because another highly-connected blonde has stolen her dumb fire?  Like, um, Meghan McCain?  See Meghan's Twitpic at right and read about her Twitter "stir" here, that is, if you aren't stirred enough already.

Related: The night I found Meghan's mom Cindy McCain tweeting about truTV!

Unrelated but excellent: Luggage Tuesdays has wonderful, but disgusting, photo evidence of VH1 and their in-show Burger King logo placement FAIL. 

Three Dumb Sticky Situations October 13, 2009 10:08 AM | permalink

STOP THE PRESSES: In Bixby, OK, a skunk got his head caught in a jar of peanut butter!  Includes a video and "The Skunk Whisperer" being interviewed while the animal ambles in the background like he's drunk. 

In New York, millions of state-issued registration stickers don't stick.  D'oh!

And in happy news, the duct-taped cat dubbed "Sticky" has been adopted, and the idiot who admitted to taping him has been arrested.  Calling the cat Sticky is kinda cruel though, no?  Would you call a cat who was burned Singe?

From the OMG WTF Files: LOL Cat Bible? October 6, 2009 10:03 AM | permalink

Started in 2007, the LOL Cat Bible Translation Project says they now have most of the good word turned into tortured LOL cat prose.

They aren't kidding.  From the Genesis through the entire New Testament, you can enjoy this ancient text as if it were being delivered from the great ceiling cat in the sky.

Here's a sample from the notoriously sexy Old Testament bit, the Song of Solomon:

Teh Beluved:

While teh king wuz at his tabul eating cheezburgerz,
  my smellz go out.

My luver beez like teh sack of catnip
  I put between mah brestes. I want him der.

Ur hed sits on yu secksey liek a rly big cat condo.
 Ur hair iz, leik, so hawt that Steve Jobz got cot in it. Srsly.

Now let us pray... that this revelation won't give us all nightmares.

From the Bad Idea Files... September 29, 2009 5:15 PM | permalink

Do not:

Get caught shoplifting, get cuffed and run, leaving your two-month-old baby behind.

Be like Janet Lee, pictured left, self-proclaimed "foremost psychic in New England": Call the police and allegedly try to pin the blame for a beating you suffered on rival psychics.

Shoot at officers while handcuffed.

Become a doctor and then snag a dying man's Rolex.

Steal 81 canaries.  

Force your step-daughter to eat your snot, like this winner, pictured right, allegedly did.

Kill someone and then show off the corpse to your buddies.

And finally, if you're a Tufts student, don't indulge in any nookie while your roommate is nearby. Because they say so.  Or something.

Links of Dumb Delight September 1, 2009 5:15 PM | permalink

Hey is that a romance or a bromance (pictured)?  Place your bets and find out tonight at 10PM e/p on the season premiere of Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel.

For something like $10,000-$30,000 each we can all have pie for life.  But you know, don't throw pies at politicians, you might get in trouble like this little lady.

Germans love to get dirty at the mudflat Olympics.

Rob Kutner breaks down the myths and facts of health care reform.  He's a comedy writer, so it's not boring.  Honest.

And finally, there's tons of anal fun when headlines in UK go wrong. Thanks to Ed for the link.

I <3 Dumb Objets D'Art August 25, 2009 10:35 AM | permalink

Behold: Mario on drugs wall art, a pug with wings and disembodied heads.

You'll be happy to hear you can currently own the Mario and the heads! 

I love the seller's description of the heads:

Hi, I made some heads. I forget why.

These are 100% made from scraps left over from making the bunnies. That makes me awesome.

I want to sell you 6 but I only took pictures of 5 and I am too lazy to rectify that and so you will get 6 but one of them will be a surprise, how excited are you, I hope not very.

You can hang these from stuff?

Would you buy these idiotic artistic wares?  Let us know why or why not in the comments!

Dumb This & That August 17, 2009 10:29 AM | permalink

To go where no newspaper has gone before...USA Today says the Steelers "refuse to be phased." Too bad they meant fazed.  In the words of Joe Loong, who found this, set phasers on #dumbthings.  UPDATE: They must've heard us mocking because they changed the word! Luckily, we got a screengrab.

Choo-choo uh-oh: Long Island Railroad prints a ticket on old card stock, leading to a woman on her way to meet friends for dinner in Manhattan getting hauled off the train, accused of forgery.  The railroad allegedly took her to a police holding cell for three hours, removed her shoes, cell phone battery and belt.  The woman claims that after three hours they realized the ticket was indeed real, she was given a free replacement 10-trip ticket and sent on her way.  But she's suing for $500,000, which will get her a heck of a lot more rides.  Heck she might be able to buy her own rail car if she wants.

Imagine having to perform improv comedy after midnight, after all your stuff got burnt up in a raging fire at a place known as "Club No-Pants."  A.J. Mass, former Mr. Met and current ESPN.com writer, tells the hilarious tale.

Top 10 Disgusting Websites.  After seeing the descriptions, I'm not visiting them, but maybe it's your thing. via The Daily What

Tweet of the day: LauraMag My cat is currently enjoying an episode of @forensicfiles on @trutv. I'm enjoying it too, as always. Her gaze is glued to the tv. So cute.

Dumb or clever?  Dog disguise.

Has bacon beer made the whole bacon craze jump the shark?  Asylum reports.

Fab Friday Links August 14, 2009 12:45 PM | permalink

I will never get enough of "Hitler finds out about" mashups.  Here's another: Hitler finds out about Eminem/Mariah Carey diss track. Thanks to Marc W. for the link!

Me and fellow dumb blogger Ritch both appear in a film called I'll Believe You, that is coming to DVD and can be pre-ordered here. 

Along with nobodies like the two of us, you get Fred Willard, Chris Elliot, Patrick Warburton, Ed Helms, David Alan Basche and more!  Cool right?  But if one more friend of mine responds to this news by saying, "Netflix'd!" I'm going to have a Hitler-sized freak out.  Listen people, if your pal appears in a feature film, now matter how crap, buy it or shut up.  Don't tell them you care just enough to add it to a Netflix queue. Dat's cold! Do y'all think Gwyneth's friends say stuff like that? Damn.

So in the movie hawked above, I play a UFO kook.  Here's a freaky link featuring real people who think they see angels.  The lady with the headband rules!

Meanie ad guy relishes beating his four-year-old nephew at Connect Four to feel smart.

Beware of pissed-off panda!

Good Dumb Monday Morn August 10, 2009 11:03 AM | permalink

Snuggie for dogs.  Not a joke.  The end of the world is nigh.

If you're in Manhattan tonight, some good dumb cheap fun: Special screening of 1984's The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension for only $5 buckaroos.  It's at 7PM so you'll be out in time to catch the brand NEW episode of Operation Repo at 10PM e/p on truTV.

Is this a happy story or should we be worried about zombie babies? via @LoniLove

CNN uncovers the lucrative world of hand and foot modeling.  Who knew getting parts for your parts could be so high-pressure?

New fave dumb blog: Don't Judge My Hair.  via Lemondrop

In "what was he smoking" news: A Red Sox fan posts 10 positive things to say about their recent suckage playing against the Yankees.