British Female Prison Guard Too Sexy? July 16, 2009 10:32 AM | permalink

I had no idea this was possible, much less a real problem, but a female prison security guard has turned out to be too pretty. A British female security guard.

Amitjo Kajla, 22, was fired from her job at Brinsford Prison in West Midlands. UK. In court proceedings this week, it was alleged she had dressed "provocatively," for inmates, including wearing make up. She's suing for compensation.

I see Natalie Portman in the movie role.

When Bad Guys Go Good July 14, 2009 10:15 AM | permalink

Everyone hates a jailhouse snitch.

But what if a prisoner is dropping a dime on someone who isn't within the confines the penitentiary. Does that count as being a rat?

A 15-year-old was trying to break into a car parked just outside the Rockingham County (VA) Jail last week, according to local officials. An inmate saw the crime and alerted guards, who passed the information on to cops, who quickly arrested the youth on tampering and other charges.

No word if the imprisoned whistle-blower was raped anally for his breach of penal etiquette .

Kids Today, With Their Texting and Lawyers July 13, 2009 10:13 AM | permalink

Alexa Longueira, 15, was, as teen girls are wont to do, texting on her cell phone, oblivious to the world, and didn't see the open manhole cover in front of her. The Staten Islander fell into the hole, but it was no case of Alexa in Wonderland, as she fell four feet in to what her mother described as a "putrid" sewer.

The young woman escaped with only a few scrapes and bruises, but nonetheless her family is now suing the City of New York.

There Won't Be Mud April 7, 2009 11:33 AM | permalink

The town elders of Vero Beach, FL must be sick of tourist dollars, because they've proposed a city ordinance banning a variety of entertaining social activities, including "hard-core pornography at drinking establishments as well as boxing, kick-boxing, or wrestling, including in Jello, oil, or mud."

It wouldn't surprise me if oil wrestling promoters in nearby Fort Pierce are behind the plans.

Of particular interest is the bill's detailed description of the human buttocks, which, if the bill passes, must be covered up at all time in public: "the term 'buttocks' shall mean the area at the rear of the body which lies between two imaginary lines running parallel to the ground when a person is standing, the first or top such line drawn at the top of the nates (i.e. the prominence of the muscles running from the back of the hip to the back of the leg) and the second or bottom line drawn at the at the lowest visible of this cleavage or the lowest point of the curvature of the fleshy protuberance, whichever is lower, and between two imaginary lines on each side of the body, which lines are perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines described above, and ..."

Failure Has Two Mothers March 12, 2009 10:09 AM | permalink

Would you want to take credit for writing a movie that was universally panned by critics and described as "excruciatingly predictable...ugly and irritating," "achieves a mean-spirited blandness that makes neither psychological nor filmic sense," and "relentlessly cartoonish and over-the-top...relies on labored gags and contrived sitcom scenarios, combined with an irritating sentimentality."

Sheri Gilbert does.

Gilbert claims that the idea for the awful, uninspired 2005 bomb, Monster-in-Law, was stolen from her 1998 script and is suing stars Jane Fonda, Jennifer Lopez, as well as  numerous others  associated with making the movie for a share of the movie's profits.

Her proof? "I felt like I'd seen it before," Gilbert said of seeing the film the first time." "I felt I could predict what would happen in the next scene."

Using that criteria, sounds like just about everyone who saw Monster-in-Law might be able to make the same claim.

Yet Another Reason To Leave Raccoons Alone February 3, 2009 5:07 PM | permalink

Raccoons are dangerous scavengers and may carry rabies. Those are two obvious reasons to stay away from them. You are probably aware that raccoons may enjoy eating your garbage. What you may not be aware of, is they are also more than capable of taking a bite out of your junk. (Do not click this link if you work somewhere where guttural shrieks of disgust and horror are frowned upon.)

For those who aren't bold enough to click that link, a 44-year-old Russian man on a "drunken weekend with pals" decided that he "wanted to have some fun," and attempted to rape a raccoon, according to the Sun tabloid in Great Britian.

That, as they say, wasn't the awful part.

The awful part  would be when the animal bit off the man's penis.

There isn't much to the story beyond those facts: the man has been told by doctors that he will be able to "get things working again," but they "can't sew on what the raccoon bit off." Perhaps due to the absence of a wanted poster featuring a police sketch artist's depiction of a raccoon with a penis in its mouth, the animal has not been located. 

Harvard Law Student Charged with Being a Crimson Moron January 29, 2009 10:41 AM | permalink

Charles Simpkins (pictured) seemed to have it all. The Harvard Law standout is young, handsome and had earned a plum position interning at Boston-area district attorney's office. The Boston Globe said the award-winning scholar  "seemed destined for a future of unlimited potential."

Notice how they wrote "seemed," using the past tense? What happened to limit Simpkins' potential?

Here's a hint: it involves allegations of  booze, threats to police and saying some really stupid things about his old boss,  the DA.

I Saw a Cop Ticketing Santa Claus December 17, 2008 9:38 AM | permalink

New York's a tough town,  I tell ya.

Why, the traffic cops would give Santa Claus a ticket for double-parking while he was handing out toys to children.

But seriously folks, a New York traffic cop has given Santa a ticket for double-parking while he was handing out toys to children.

Alas, this isn't the first time a Santa has been stopped by police. Perhaps the red costume draws the heat's attention. For more clips like this, watch "Speeders" on truTV, Thursday nights at 8pm.

Note to Self: Dance Lewdly at Community Center November 14, 2008 10:58 AM | permalink

The small mountain town of Marshall, NC has just paid a 56-year-old woman $275,000 to not dance at a community hangout.

To give you some perspective; this is more than ten times Marshall's median household income.

Rebecca Willis was accused of tripping the light fantastic while gyrating, simulating intercourse and wearing a skirt so tiny you needn't be at the top of a mountain to see her scenic vista.

Town officials said they'd "burn the place down" rather than allow her back into the club, which is housed in a refurbished train station, so ponying up hundreds of thousands of dollars in settlement money to not have the middle-aged filly dirty dance for them was seen as the smartest way to reduce visual pollution.

I'd tell you more but I gotta pack my bags and fly south for the winter.  There's gold in them thar hills!

Cue: music

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall November 13, 2008 12:04 PM | permalink

Most police officers are trustworthy professionals who ensure our society is a safe, orderly place.

And then there's this guy.

Hey, I'm sure he's a fantastic cop. I'm just saying the ribbing he's taking in the squad room must be causing him to consider a new career.