Beyonce Babe September 23, 2009 10:11 AM | permalink

I do not find baby videos cute.

A baby going nuts and squealing with delight dancing to "Single Ladies" you say?

Oh wait, yes I do. Shoot. Watch and hate yourself for being charmed.

Baby Dancing to Beyonce sélectionné dans Musique et Soul / Funk / Disco

Thanks to Parisian superstar Rachel Gardner Smith for the link.

We May Need To Look At California's Penal Code... July 29, 2009 3:43 PM | permalink

Wait, this kid is locked up where?

Generally, we're not huge fans of "cute little kid" videos, but when they are singing about being locked in a maximum security prison, and adorably crooning that they "shot a man just to watch him die," we take notice. 

Still, doesn't that haircut make him look a little bit like a Boy Named Sue? 

Thanks to Amanda in Tacoma for the link

The Eyes Have It? July 17, 2009 12:09 PM | permalink

On my way to work I saw an ad for the movie Orphan. It's about an "outwardly angelic girl with a devilish streak."  While her two horns pigtails add to her good-girl facade, the red choker and satanic stare clearly reveal her evil soul, don't ya think?

But sometimes it's not so easy to tell what the eyes are saying. Take my adorable kitten, Linda. She is the absolute sweetest, but you couldn't tell from the freaky photo below. Should I be concerned or is my camera just cheap?

 

For more crazy ocular fun, check out the clip below from The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest. Does Sammy Stephens' passion for plush sofas make his eyes bulge out or should we call an exorcist?  Enjoy and then let me know who's satanic and who's not in the comments.

Cheerios vs. The Feds May 14, 2009 10:59 AM | permalink

The Food and Drug Administration has a beef with a certain oat-based cereal: They are calling Cheerios a drug.  

The claim on the box that the little toasted o's reduce cholesterol by "four percent" can only be made by approved drugs, say the FDA, and the agency is demanding General Mills correct its advertising or risk being snatched off the shelves.

(I bet every parent of young children just passed out after reading that, so let me give you a minute to recover...)

Now, in this original Dumb As a Blog video, watch as a federal agent* gets heavy-handed with a heavy user of this illicit drug.

*OK not a real federal agent. My brother. And the cute little star of the video is his spawn Sebastian.

A Thoughtful Analysis of Internet Buzz: Is America Dumb? May 12, 2009 2:45 PM | permalink

This morning the top five most popular search terms on Yahoo buzz were, in order: Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Prejean, American Idol, The Hubble Mission and Rihanna. While it might be easy to look at that list and accuse Americans of being excessively focused on celebrity, and therefore totally dumb, I think it's worth looking deeper. 

It is completely understandable to gather that an intelligent population would be drawn to this list, if one can accept the following these truths:

A) All human beings must deal with adversity and tragedy.
B) Dealing with adversity and tragedy is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
C) Seeing people naked is awesome.
D) Admitting that seeing people naked is awesome is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
E) Outer space is awesome.
F) All human beings must deal with embarrassment.
G) Dealing with embarrassment is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
H) Pop music is awesome.
I) Television is awesome.
J) All human beings must deal with the mysterious and powerful forces that make up human sexuality.
K) Dealing with the mysterious and powerful forces of human sexuality is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
L) Everybody likes to feel smart.
M) Making fun of stupid people is awesome.
N) Admitting that making fun of stupid people is awesome is easier when experienced through the filter of celebrity.
O) Pretty blondes are awesome.
P) Dinosaurs are awesome.
Q) Sharks are awesome.

If these truths are awarded one point each, the Buzz rankings start to make a great deal more sense. Observe:

#5) Rihanna recently survived a domestic assault (A,B) and had her nude photos (C, D) appear on the internet.

Total Score: 4

#4) The Hubble Mission takes place in outer space, which is not only awesome (E), but enables us to take pictures of even deeper in outer space (another E) and perhaps even put those pictures on television (I). Reading about the mission allows us to feel smart (L) and if you really think about it, the Hubble Mission is based on the idea of maintaining a powerful telescope which, we all realize, may one day be turned around towards Earth and used to spy on naked people in the shower (C.)
Total Score: 5

#3) American Idol is on television (I), features popular music (H), and regularly embarrasses its contestants so horribly that they actually become celebrities for it (F, G). At least one of the celebrity hosts (Paula Abdul) appears to be dangerously stupid, which not only makes us feel smart (L), but enables us to make fun of her through that filter (M, N).
Total Score: 7

#2) Carrie Prejean is a pretty blonde (O) who lost a beauty pageant (A) on television (I). She appears to be stupid and fun to make fun of (M), which in turn makes us feel smart (L) . Her comments on gay marriage force us to contemplate the mystery and power of human sexuality (J), and these events have conspired to make her a celebrity (B, J, K, N). As though that weren't enough, her topless photos have recently been seen on the internet. (C, D) If she seemed even remotely embarrassed of any of this, or parlayed it into her own television show somehow, she'd be making a run for the top spot. 
Total Score: 12

#1) Farrah Fawcett is a famous, pretty, blonde (O), television actress (I) who in addition to being one of the most popular sex symbols of the past 50 years, (J, K) has posed naked several times(C,D). She once appeared on David Letterman's show so out of sorts that she made the entire country think that she was really dumb (M, N) and made everybody else feel much smarter (L). This was tremendously embarrassing to her (F, G). Sadly, she is suffering from cancer (A,B), and not just any kind of cancer, anal cancer,  which gets her an extra (A) and (F) right here. Our thoughts and prayers go out to her.
Total Score: 15

And as a final note, I am aware that none of these stories involve either dinosaurs or sharks, which may lead you to wonder why they were included in the initial list of facts. Fair point. But, just for a moment, look over this list, and ask yourself whether it would be more or less compelling to you if anyone in the top five either discovered a clue to the mystery of the dinosaurs or were attacked by a shark. upon reflection, I think you'll agree that despite the lack of dinosaurs or sharks in the top five, they belong on this list for sure.

So enjoy your web searches, geniuses.

I hope you find what you're looking for.  

Good Dumb Morning Quiz Time April 8, 2009 9:49 AM | permalink

What the hay is this woman doing?  Simply take a good look at the animated gif I made out of a hot and fresh clip from Speeders and then vote!

To find out the answer, click here.

Freakin' Baby Bangs March 18, 2009 12:15 PM | permalink

From the site: "For the girl who has everything - EXCEPT HAIR"

Also, and I'm assuming this an actual baby's statement: "I'm not a boy!"

And finally, some pure wisdom:

"Our Philosophy
At Baby Bangs! we believe in the beauty of childhood. Our unique designs are sprinkled with MAGIC!

~inspiring a world of whimsical wonder and mystical magical memorable moments for you and your baby girl to cherish Forever! For she is, and always will be, Your LiTTLe PRINCESS!"

Freakin' Baby Bangs, people

Nabbed! October 13, 2008 9:00 AM | permalink

To celebrate the premiere of "Speeders Fight Back" which airs this Thursday at 8:30P e/p on truTV, we rounded up the best user-submitted photos of real-life lead foots posing with their traffic tickets culled from our truTV photo group, like this one by boxbabe66:

To see the whole gallery, click here!

And if you've got some evidence of your police pull-over on paper, feel free to get sharey with us!

Dumb Crime Takes A Holiday July 4, 2008 9:00 AM | permalink

All week long we mine the mindless.  I often cover the dumb criminal beat.  And it was while searching for the latest lout who is light on learning that I found this delightful police blotter out of Lake Oswego, OR.

Why do I love it so?  Because this police report contains an alarming number of adorable non-crimes. 

Yes, adorable.  From a domestic dispute call that turns out to be a tickle fight to a table skirt left in the road, these are the kind of news items I wish we saw more of.

Check out my faves right here.  But before you do, I wish you a very merry and safe Independence Day weekend! Here's hoping your worst calamity is an escaped bunny.

4:16 p.m. A child called police to say their mother wouldn’t let them leave the house.

2:55 a.m. An apparent domestic squabble inside a car on Highway 217 turned out to be two men and a woman having a tickle fight. Police located the trio in a hot tub of a hotel.

9:21 p.m. Teens suspected of breaking windows behind the Speedy Linguine were really just smashing a television set.

8:49 a.m. A very agitated cat attempted to get into a woman’s home and attack her cat. The large cat with tabby/tiger stripes only comes out at night.

7:20 p.m. A neighbor suspected of smoking marijuana was found to instead be smoking a cigar.

6:50 p.m. Several Angola rabbits were observed running loose. A black one was caught and is now being held.

5:00 a.m. A table skirt was found in the road on Kruse Way .

8:32 a.m. A person who found money on the ground on North Shore Boulevard volunteered to keep it until its owner could be found.

9:54 a.m. A yellow, snaggle-toothed dog named “Starbuck” escaped from its dog sitter on Crest Drive .