Vote now for the dumbest criminal of the week September 3, 2010 8:50 PM | permalink

For allegedly reporting money lost that was found in the microwave along with crack cocaine, Denonta Thadison snagged roughly 30% of votes and became the dumbest criminal of last week.

Now, get ready to help us choose the dimmest crimanl dolt of the week.

Let's review... click the links for the full dumb 411.

Monday: Little league football exposes big league liar?

Twofer Tuesday: Embare-assing gesture earns arrest
& Taxi 'thief' back to jail in record time

Wednesday: Wife breaks balls with crowbar say cops

Friday:  Cops: 'Drunken' caller demands ride to Central America, is taken to central booking

Remember, this poll is open for one week only -- so shake yo' proverbial dumb tail feather!

Cops: 'Drunken' dialer demands ride to Central America, is taken to central booking September 3, 2010 9:20 AM | permalink

When Ibis Rene Cabrera (pictured) allegedly called 911 last Saturday in Stuart, FL he had a rather strange request. No, he wasn't asking cops for a husband, help getting off the bumper of a moving semi, or a ride to a liquor store.

He wanted a ride back to Honduras.

While this handy distance calculator says the distance as the crow flies from Stuart to Tegucigalpa is just over a thousand miles, it's gotta be a lot longer than that by police car.

According to police, Cabrera told the operator that he did not have a job, and wanted a ride back to Honduras. A police officer responded, advised Cabrera that they did not give rides to other countries and suggested he stop calling 911. Instead, Cabrera, who cops say was intoxicated, called the emergency line seven more times in the next hour.

He was arrested for misusing the emergency line, and taken to Martin County jail.

'Thiefs' don't wanna grow up September 1, 2010 2:47 PM | permalink

These four New York City men were on a video game stealing crime spree along the East Coast before finally being busted at a Toys 'R' Us in Annapolis, according to the Takoma Park Police Department.

Rodney McReary, Gilberto Matos, Derrella Winfrey and Wilfredo Matos were apprehended after an off-duty cop allegedly saw them stuff video games down their pants and exit the toy store.

Cops approached the vehicle to find the men with over 200 video games in their car along with a road map and detailed lists of Toys 'R' Us locations.

Before cops arrested them we think the men had also hoped to set out on foot to find Ray Brower's body and complete their most unforgettable summer ever.

Wife breaks balls with crowbar say cops September 1, 2010 11:32 AM | permalink

An enraged woman clobbered her husband's crotch with a crow bar yesterday, according to police in Stroudsburg, PA

Dale Morris, 61, allegedly went balls out on her husband's junk after reading a note he left behind that irked her.

We can't imagine what you write on a note to inspire that kind of fury but let's try a few:

"Hey hon, I drained our savings account to fund a new sex toy I created---going to the U.S. Patent Office--back in a few"

"Dale-- I am leaving you for your sister's husband. Sorry it had to be this way but Gary is more of a woman than you'll ever be. Oh, I will be back later to pick up my Snuggie and everything else I couldn't fit into the Festiva."

"Went to the gym to buy you a membership, porky."

Morris did not simmer down while waiting for him to return home and went to town on his package like a pinata full of hundred dollar bills.

She also hit him in the head but that's not as funny.

Morris has been charged with aggravated assault and wreckless endangerment.

Photo gallery: 13 Dumbest things to ever happen at a fast food drive-thru since 2008 September 1, 2010 11:07 AM | permalink

Is fast food is bad for you?  Debatable.

But is getting arrested for doing something seriously stupid at a fast food drive-up window bad for you?  Absolutely!

From women who allegedly freak out and wield a taser if mayo isn't in the bag (pictured), to workers who offer to spice up your meal with special illegal herbs, our newest photo gallery features only the very dumbest customers and workers to ever grace a sliding window meant to push greasy food through.

Check out: 13 Dumbest Things to Ever Happen at a Fast Food Drive-Thru Since 2008

Taxi 'thief' back to jail in record time August 31, 2010 5:14 PM | permalink

A Connecticut man has found himself right back in police custody within five hours of being released from jail.

Police say that Matthew William Findley of Southington had just been released when he allegedly stole a taxi from a nearby gas station.

Maybe the 25-year-old felt that Saturday was a terrible day to be released since he barely had any time to put together a sweet outfit, call the crew, and hit the club.

Instead, he is back in custody being held on charges of fourth degree larceny.

Embare-assing gesture earns arrest August 31, 2010 10:46 AM | permalink

It was a full moon in Hillsboro, OR when state troopers caught Gregory Holzer standing in the eastbound lane of Highway 224, pants around his ankle, a** in the air.

According to police, Holzer, 22,  was allegedly mooning their approaching vehicle. He was also severely intoxicated which was a dumb move since he was out on parole and not supposed to be drinking.

Holzer was arrested for violating his probation.

No word on how much emotional damage police suffered after witnessing Holzer's great white rump.

 

Little league football exposes big league liar? August 30, 2010 12:05 PM | permalink

A man has been arrested in Florida for pretending to be seven years younger than he really was just so he could play football.

I know what you're thinking, but his name wasn't Brett Favre.

Julious Javone Threatts (pictured) is 21-years-old, but when he allegedly attempted to enroll in a Tampa middle school and join the Tampa Bay Youth Football League, the name and birth certificate he gave to officials identified him as "Chad Jordan" and appeared to show he was only 14.

"He really acted like a kid," youth football coach Ray McCloud told WSVN news in Florida, "My son is 13, and my son was hanging out with him, and (Threatts) acted more immature than (my son)."

Despite Threatt's skills at appearing immature, he set off warning bells when he arrived to enroll in school without either proper paperwork or his parents, and according to the school's principal "looked too old to be in middle school."

After he was arrested on charges including trespassing on school grounds and obstruction by a disguised person, the cops found one other piece of evidence that "Chad Jordan" might not be who he said he was.

According to police records, the 21-year-old had a tattoo on his left forearm reading "Julious."

Senior woman 'escapes' childish situation August 30, 2010 11:24 AM | permalink

A 24-year-old man in Gainesville, FL has been charged with false imprisonment of his 66-year-old grandmother girlfriend.

According to police Joshua Dan Porter, pictured, got into an argument with his senior lady friend. When she tried to leave he allegedly closed a door on her hand, shoved her on a couch, hit her with pillows, pinched her nose, and made her kiss a picture of her dead husband.

No word on whether or not he also gave her a wedgie and threatened her with spitty slurpy.

Apparently upon realizing she was an adult, the woman left the residence and notified police.

Vote now in the dumb criminal of the week poll August 27, 2010 10:11 PM | permalink

For allegedly trying to deposit cocaine at her bank, Kendi Murphy was voted our dumbest criminal of the week.

Now, get ready to help us select the stupidest criminal of the week.

Let's review... click the links for the full dumb 411.

MONDAY: ID means 'I dumb' when you leave it at the store you just robbed

TUESDAY: 'Crook' has microbrain using microwave

WEDNESDAY: Pizza 'perp' passes dumb test

THURSDAY: Muffin buffin' motorist busted for joy ride

FRIDAY: 'Drunk' gal passes out waiting in McDonald's drive-through: Cops

Remember, this poll is open for one week only -- so get to it!