The Great Eggo Waffle Shortage of 2009 November 19, 2009 9:24 AM | permalink

The country fell silent yesterday morning.

A cold wind whipped through the barren aisles of the freezer sections of grocery stores across America, as the horrible news set in.

There's an Eggo Waffle shortage.

No, seriously, thanks to flooding in Atlanta, due to record high rainfall, there is actually an Eggo Waffle shortage, and it could last through 2010, and people who are apparently  terrible at pouring cereal into bowls are getting pretty rattled.

From the article:

"We have eight (frozen waffles) and if we ration those — maybe have half an Eggo in one sitting — then it'll last longer," said Resciniti, who blogs about being a mother. "I told my husband that maybe I need to put them on eBay."

Just for fun, we checked eBay, and thankfully, you can get a box of Eggo waffles there. If you have a thousand dollars for an opening bid. (UPDATE: the seller has dropped the price to $65.00. Still, that's over 6 bucks per waffle.)

There is widespread panic on the Eggo Waffle Facebook Fan Page too- here's a taste of that:

Collette Frazee Duncan:

"Three weeks and three trips to Wal-mart and still no waffles! Finally I grabbed the last three boxes at Bi-Lo yesterday and said something to the stockboy who looked at me like i was crazy. I'm seriously considering hitting all the local stores and stocking up!"

Jean Kristufek:

"Can you believe I just read that there is a shortage of Eggo's!! Everybody run to the frozen food section and stock up!! L'eggo my Eggo!!"

People are losing their minds on Twitter, too.

I know we're in hard economic times here, people, but things are beginning to look bleak. Riots, fires, people refusing to "L'eggo," you name it.This country is about to turn into a Mad Max movie.

Check out this video:

Seconds after this film ended, that little girl was stabbed to death with a fork, and her Eggo taken from her. 

BY HER OWN BROTHER.

Something needs to be done.

Is it time for a bailout?

Ribbit If You Love Romaine! November 3, 2009 2:27 PM | permalink

Tracy Grimes of Sterling Heights, MI just about croaked when she found a frog in a bag of lettuce on Friday.

Grimes was about to make a salad for her family when she noticed something moving in the sealed bag of greens. Boy, was she surprised when she opened it up to discover the Romaine-loving amphibian.

The real dumb part is that when she called Kroger (the grocery store where the product was purchased) to complain, they told her to send the bag and the frog to them in the mail - effectively giving the poor thing a death sentence. Luckily, the Grimes family has a heart and chose to take pictures of the frog and let it go in their front yard.

Deliciously Dumb Oversell March 30, 2009 10:37 AM | permalink

In this down economy, retailers have to try that much harder to get you to shell out for their goods. And as it would stand to reason, people who sell stupid items like Freudian Slips notepads have to go the extra idiotic mile to get you to pony up for their pretty dumb products. Take the Unemployed Philosophers Guild for example. Their "Proper Mug Utilization" video (below) is a faux vintage production by Jay Stern and M. Sweeney Lawless that teaches the correct way to enjoy a beverage in this type of ceramic receptacle.

In the same mug-based but differently hilarious vein, the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild also made a special video just for their Global Warming Mug. And I also love their about page which includes this info about their profits, "...part of every purchase you make goes to philosophically profound causes. The other part goes to extra gold plated faucets in the Ivory Tower bathrooms."

For sexing up even the dullest purchases, we at Dumb As A Blog salute the Unemployed Philosophers Guild!

Topless Java Shop Opens in Lumber State February 26, 2009 9:02 AM | permalink

Talk about generating buzz!

For those who like their coffee really hot, head to a log cabin-style building in Maine, where patrons over 18 can sip a $3 java at the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop.

One waitress claims the job isn't "degrading," but "empowering," and another tells of a man drinking only half a cup and then simply handing her a $100 bill on the way out. 

But it's not all about women. In a surprising twist, three of the waiters are men.  One male barista told the local newspaper that a woman who had been a foe of the business had warmed once she was served some Joe by Elvis Thomson, 32, who was wearing naught but black boots and shorts.

And although more than 50 opponents of the shop showed up to protest at a local planning board meeting, 150 are said to have shown up for job interviews. 

Starbucks may be introducing instant coffee to reinvigorate their business, but don't be surprised if they find they need to become Starbucknaked to compete.

The Dumbest Way to Spend $700 Billion? December 22, 2008 1:07 PM | permalink

Oftentimes in this space we hit you up with the dumb criminals. You know, the simians who rob convenience stores wearing underwear on their heads, except they forgot that their mom sewed their names into the waistband. Good stuff, don't get me wrong, and I love it, but this blog is about all shades of dumb, and I just can't ignore this.   

Remember that big bailout/rescue package/whatever it was that the government gave to the financial sector a while back?  The long and the short of it was Congress approved providing $700 billion to the financial industry, a plan that, it turns out, did exactly zip to save the Au Bon Pain downstairs. Still, you read about these things and you think, well, what are you going to do? You can't have the entire economy tank, can you? I guess we hold our nose and do it.

Well, now apparently, we've given these banks billions of dollars but they aren't telling anybody what they are doing with it.

Seriously.

Here are some actual quotes from an AP News article about this, followed by how much of your money they were given. I don't know about you, but I'm about ready to start mailing turds.

"We've lent some of it. We've not lent some of it. We've not given any accounting of, 'Here's how we're doing it'...We have not disclosed that to the public. We're declining to."
-Thomas Kelly, a spokesman for JPMorgan Chase, given $25 billion in emergency bailout taxpayer money.

"We're not providing dollar-in, dollar-out tracking,"
-Barry Koling, SunTrust Banks Inc, given $3.5 billion

"We manage our capital in its aggregate"
-Tim Deighton, Regions Financial Corp, given $3.5 billion

"We're choosing not to disclose that"
-Kevin Heine, Bank of New York Mellon, given about $3 billion

"We're not sharing any other details. We're just not at this time"
- Wendy Walker, Comerica Inc., $2.25 billion

Wow.

And we think the underwear guy is dumb?

At least at Au Bon Pain, you get a receipt.

What a Gas, Part II September 17, 2008 12:57 PM | permalink

The gas woes don't stop today.  It seems that one dim station employee in Indiana ran out of gasoline and rather than simply post a  sign saying they were all out, she had the bright idea to post prices at a sky high $5.99 a gallon,  figuring folks would blanch at the high price and drive on by.

Of course, it didn't work like that.  People saw the prices and thought that either there was a new oil calamity afoot or some serious gouging going on.

Hey, Kaghann's Korner: next time, just say "no gas."

Frozen Yogurt For Dogs September 4, 2008 9:38 AM | permalink

The headline says it all, right?  Actually, no, it gets dumber.  The creator of Yoghund says she wanted to come up with a product to relieve stress.  What stress? My dog gets free room, board and medical.  Plus his fur covers wrinkles and he never has to do a lick of housework -- not a very hard-knock life, if you ask me.

But you've got to hand it to the NY Post -- they really went the extra mile with this stupid story, conducting a taste test facing off the all-natural organic dog yogurt against Haagen-Dazs frozen yogurt.  In case you don't have time to further research this hot cold dessert topic, the people stuff won, paws down.

Of course, dogs also have been known to eat their own poo.  I'm just saying.

The silver lining is that as long as people are letting their Lhasa Apso lap up the Yoghund, how bad can the economy be?

Hmm...the Irish Setter Doesn't Work For Me. Do You Have Something in a Spaniel? August 6, 2008 12:13 PM | permalink

Growing up with my basset hound, Barney, I remember getting a lot of instructions from my mom: "Don't forget to feed the dog!" "Go and take Barney for a walk!" But never did I hear, "Hurry up! If we don't return Barney by midnight, we're gonna get hit with a late fee!" 

The Wall Street Journal is reporting on the growing popularity of "time-share pets," where two families split ownership (and the costs) of the domesticated animal. 

Hotels are also employing the use of rent-a-pooches.  For a fee, visitors can enjoy the companionship of a dog for a short period of time, which, when you think about it, sort of makes them hookers, doesn't it?  What's even scarier is these dogs have email addresses and former "johns" can write the canines letters of thanks.

"It's wonderful that you can live there," writes one guest.  The "dog" then emailed in reply, "I'm glad I got to meet you."  As opposed to, "Listen lady, I'm a bellhop pulling down minimum wage and now I've got to write back every kook who sends a gush-note to some dog they met for 15 minutes during the break in a Tony Robbins seminar in Conference Room J."

Tale of Lost Money Is A Real Loo-Loo July 18, 2008 11:11 AM | permalink

You ever hear the term "flushing money down the toilet"?

One woman in the Netherlands did just that. Literally.

She accidentally dropped about nine 100 Euro notes (about $1,400) while relieving herself in an Amsterdam commode. She called the local sewage department, which used some pretty amazing technology to find the soiled bills.

Do Amsterdam's famous hash joints and brothels take cash that has been soiled in a sewer?

World's Dumbest Computer Product? July 17, 2008 10:23 AM | permalink

Browsing Etsy, the site for all things handmade, I came across what you see at left. 

Oh yes, it's a knit computer cord cover.

For only $15, plus $4 shipping and handling, you can officially own this insanely stupid item.

And if you buy one, please let us know if it is more or less fun than flushing the equivalent amount of money down the toilet.