We Want You--To Vote For Dumb Criminal Of Week! November 20, 2009 5:22 PM | permalink

A whopping 3,000 truTV Dumb Blog fans exercised their rights to vote for the Dumbest Criminal last week. So who won? The vain Matthew Maynard of Wales.  He didn’t like his mugshot so he mailed a new one into police, and then got clipped while getting clipped.  But he looked good while doing it.

Now, we have a whole new week’s worth of dumb crooks to choose from, pictured at the left. So take your pick, and remember they are all losers. Polls will be open for one week only! :

MONDAY: Check Is Someplace Stranger Than Mail

TUESDAY: Cops Say Pot Dealer Booked

WEDNESDAY: Knock, Knock, Who's There?

THURSDAY: A Bad House Call

FRIDAY: Bust Me Once, Shame On Me. Bust Me Twice Shame You?

 

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Bust Me Once, Shame On Me. Bust Me Twice, Shame on You? November 20, 2009 4:44 PM | permalink

Once apparently just wasn’t enough for a New Holland, PA woman.

Police say 10 minutes after Cynthia Irene Locke, 25, was released after being charged with shoplifting, she walked back into the same store and tried to steal again.

Locke and her boyfriend Jeremiah Shane Barr, 32, were charged with retail theft at 11:20 am on Wednesday at the Walmart store in Ephrata.  They were immediately released.

The duo had allegedly torn tags off of more than $100 worth of goods and tried to get them out of the store in a stolen purse.

About two hours later, the same police officer was walking back into the store  when employees notified him the lady was at it again.

This time, Locke allegedly tried to pinch $5 worth of make-up.  She was charged with another count of retail theft.

Now, you tell me who’s the real dummy?  Wait for it… because the officer released her a second time.

Friends Don't Let Friends Drink and Dance November 20, 2009 1:26 PM | permalink

It’s the Dumb as a Blog weekend PSA.

The dangers of drinking and dancing.  Just Say No.

Oh so many different things can go wrong and gone are the days when your moonwalk attempts and lap dancing escapades only live on in acid flashbacks. 

Everyone has a video camera these days, and someone is bound to catch you doing something obscene.  So please take a few minutes to watch this video before you knock a few back at your cousin Barry’s bar mitzvah or Sister Sue’s wedding.  You'll thank us Monday morning.

 

The ridiculous thing is; you know someone still took her home at the end of the night.

The 'Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better' Video Dump November 20, 2009 1:13 PM | permalink

This week’s video round-up is dedicated to the winners, those who excel at what they do.  Even if we would never dare do what they do.

Ah, the art of cup stacking, If the world doesn’t end in 2012, I see a new Olympic sport on the horizon.  All I can say is “Oh my gosh!”

I am less impressed by this faux surprise. And now officially deaf.  Move over Halle Berry.

I am, however, always impressed by people who are in touch with who they really are. And strangely enough, may see a double-wide in my future, and I'm not talking about my pants.

This bulldog must’ve been weaned on a skateboard.  Or pot. Or both.

And I always like to include a little how-to, so here’s a video that will help you win that next wheel-barrow race your entered into.

Finally, a mascot that just may have more talent than the team her reps.  Do you think if Mr. Met could do that, we could make the playoffs?

A Bad House Call November 19, 2009 5:26 PM | permalink

A Des Moines, IA couple was charged with burglary for forcing open a door and entering a house they thought was their own.

The excuse? A tale as old as time itself: “We were drunk.”

 Shantel Diane Morrison, 31, and 30-year old Joshua Aaron Pray (pictured) allegedly claimed they were so pickled that they picked the wrong house after coming home from a night of partying.

Javier Pagannazario and his wife discovered the couple in their home early Sunday morning; Pray was passed out on the couch and Morrison was upstairs half-undressed, according to police.  Both of them ran from the residence soon after being discovered. Ah, good times.  Good times. 

Police say they traced the pair through the license plate of the van the couple used to drive away.
Pagannazario, who claims $900 is missing from his wallet, doesn't believe the incident can be explained away by a drunken mistake.  Clearly Mr. Pagannazario doesn't have a relationship with alcohol.

Morrison and Pray have been charged with second-degree burglary, which carries a 10-year prison term.

Knock, Knock, Who's There? November 18, 2009 3:25 PM | permalink

Move over Willie Loman. Dumb as a Blog may just have discovered a more pathetic salesman.

A Texas teenager is under arrest after allegedly trying to peddle pot door-to-door. A smart idea you say? Well, perhaps. But, in this case, not so much.  

Anthony Carrazco, pictured, of Brownsville is charged with trying to sell three ounces of marijuana. His sales strategy went astray when he knocked on one door too many--one that belonged to an off-duty police officer.  The cop told the teenager he would be right back. And he was; with his badge and handcuffs.

Police say the 19-year old was also drunk and carrying a gun.

Oh, and the dumb luck doesn’t end for this lad.   Carrazco was allegedly trying to hawk his wares near the University of Texas – a drug-free and weapon-free zone. That makes the charges even more serious. 

He’s being held on $10,000 bond.

Cougars are Now Preying on Vampires November 18, 2009 2:31 PM | permalink

Vampires may live forever, but alas, a desperate housewife does not.  So, as teenage girls everywhere clamor over the latest big-screen installment of the pubescent Twilight series New Moon, so now, apparently are all those girls’ moms.

There are several websites devoted solely to “adult women and moms” who are obsessed with the vampire series.  One group known as Twilight Moms even infiltrated the film set.  But I felt the blog known as “Twitarded” is really living up to its name. Here's an excerpt:

I can't believe it, but it's finally here!!! After months and months of paying little attention to the countdown widgets scattered everywhere in the Twilight blogosphere, I now get excited every time I come across one (and almost had a heart attack a week or so back when suddenly a bunch of the counters inexplicably said 000:00:00:00). I just stare at them, mesmerized... And savor the closeness of the date - the hour - the minute - the second when the movie starts to roll - squeeeeee!!! It's so close that I can taste it! It tastes like sunshine and lavender and honey...and movie-theater popcorn...and vodka.

Now remember, all these women are over the age of 30.  And if you’re familiar with the novels you’ll note there’s no real sex in them, but that apparently hasn’t stopped horny housewives.  Adult fans are creating their own sex scenes in copious amounts of fan fiction, some of which have themes like "Edward and Bella do steamy office affair," or "Edward and Bella try out S&M."

And here is where it gets really disturbing.  Move over Rabbit; apparently there’s a Twilight sex toy called “The Vamp.”

Don’t any of these ladies have a personal trainer?

Glass of Wine? Bottle of Beer? Tampon? November 17, 2009 4:32 PM | permalink

It was 10 years ago when I first heard of a way Swedish teen girls were getting drunk without anyone noticing the smell of alcohol. 

Well, at least on their breath.  It consists of using vodka and a tampon.  I’m serious. Now apparently, their contemporaries on the West Coast of the U.S. have caught on to the trend.  Bottoms up!

Cops Say Pot Dealer Booked November 17, 2009 4:05 PM | permalink

“Can I really get in trouble for smoking pot?”

That’s a question posted in Chapter Five of The Official High Times Pot Smoker’s Handbook. And now, a Dunnellon, FL man can answer that question with an emphatic, “totally, dude.”

Zachary Frye, pictured, was arrested Sunday night and charged with eight counts of possession of marijuana with intent to sell, ten counts of drug paraphernalia possession, and marijuana possession of more than fifty grams.

According to the Marion County Sheriff, here’s how it went down:

Someone called 911 on Sunday evening after allegedly seeing Frye trying to flag down a ride from the side of the road with a flashlight.

When police arrived, Frye told them his motorcycle had broken down.  A deputy offered him a lift, but told Frye he’d have to submit to a pat down, for safety reasons.  Frye consented. 

Bad idea.

The deputy says he found "a large bulge in Frye's jean pocket" which turned out to be a  plastic bag of marijuana.

An inspection of the suspects' backpack allegedly turned up eight other bags of marijuana, a digital scale, a pot pipe, a glass crack pipe and a grinder.   He also had with him a copy of the aforementioned hashish handbook.

Whoa, now that’s harsh.

The Official High Times Pot Smoker’s Handbook includes 420 things to do when you’re stoned.  Perhaps, in the next edition, it should include 420 things you should NOT do when you’re stoned. 

Luckily for Frye, the book also gives advice on who to call if you get busted.

The Check Is Someplace Stranger Than The Mail November 16, 2009 3:43 PM | permalink

A Manchester, NH resident called 911 on Thursday night to report that a stranger had broken into her home. The caller's boyfriend had tried to subdue the perp, who slithered away and hopped out a window.

The cat burglar's freedom was short-lived, however, because the evidence he left behind didn’t exactly require the knowledge of an expert forensics team. Michael Noyer, pictured, had accidentally dropped his personal planner, emblazoned with the slogan “Together We Can Achieve the Extraordinary,” on the porch as he fled, according to police. Inside the planner was an unemployment check bearing not only his name, but also his home address.

Noyer lived just down the block, and that’s where officers found him on his bicycle. The 45-year-old tried to escape once again, but he was nabbed trying to hide a vial of oxycodone. Cops charged him with burglary, possession of a narcotic, being a felon in possession of a dangerous weapon, falsifying physical evidence and resisting arrest.

Now, it gets dumber, wait for it. As if there was any doubt Noyer was their man, officers say they also found him carrying damning evidence:  a ceramic bear belonging to the family whose house he broke into.

Ya know Mikey, you’re right.  Together we can achieve the extraordinary.

Dumb Criminal of the Week - Vote Now! November 13, 2009 5:45 PM | permalink

More than 2,000 of you truTV Dumb Blog fans have cast their vote for the Dumbest Criminal of the Week. The "winner?" Calvin Hoover, who was arrested for DUI after drunkenly calling 911 not once, but twice from his car to report his pot was stolen, accordingto cops. Good times.

While Calvin's not-so-cool moves are pretty hard to top, there are plenty of dumb peeps out there working on it. So, here are this week’s nominees, some of whom are pictured at the left. So go ahead, weigh-in.   Polls will be open for one week only! :

MONDAY: Men Have A Cow

TUESDAY: Dial D'Oh For Dumb

WEDNESDAY: 911 Not Cab Company

THURSDAY: Collared By Shear Image

FRIDAY: Thief Now Has No Class

 

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'Thief' Now Has No Class November 13, 2009 4:40 PM | permalink

A middle school teacher in Wilton, CT. complained to cops that money had gone missing from her purse several times recently.  So cops set up an undercover sting and last week they got their man. Or in this case, their teacher, and a pretty dumb one at that.

Police say Susan Dinnean, pictured, was caught on an undercover camera copping 20 bucks from her co-worker's purse.  When the principal confronted her, Dinnean allegedly confessed.

 Dinnean, of course, claims she planned to return the money but also admitted to stealing from other teachers, not to mention the principal herself.  So what’s a petit larceny suspect to do? Dinnean quit her $100,000 a year job on Monday.  That’ll show ‘em.

The 'Edumacational' Video Dump of the Week November 12, 2009 4:46 PM | permalink

"The Circle of Life," "Survival of the Fittest," call it what you will, but a group of soccer moms and their brood almost got a gnarly dose of reality when a deer hopped into a lion’s cage at a Washington D.C. zoo.

More importantly, I think that video could serve as unofficial proof  that zoos are tranquilizing the animals because when it comes to lions this is typically more like it. 

Beer Pong 101: Who says drinking games can’t be educational? Daily Motion has some tips on impressing your pals with beer pong tricks, with a little history and geometry thrown in for good measure.  I see a class at Harvard in the near future.

This week I learned: it’s no longer safe to drink and take mass transit. Check out what happens when a drunk chick falls asleep on a train. There was guilt and shame going on until she saw the video of the drunk chick who passed out before she got onto the train.

Hate Hollywood heavyweights and their annoying ambiguous film endings? Well, our friends at College Humor put a few of our favorites to rest.

Speaking of favorites, remember Tom Cruise’s famous Risky Business dance? Well, once you check out these hot chicks you may think he actually has some talent after all.

Now, don't you feel so much more enlightened?

Dumb Criminal Collared By Shear Image November 12, 2009 1:49 PM | permalink

Matthew Maynard, of Swansea, Wales allegedly taunted police with his own mugshot, then got clipped while getting clipped.

Police last week released a photo of Maynard, left, in connection with a burglary investigation, and asked the public to help locate him.

Maynard responded by calling a local newspaper to complain that the photo was “unflattering.”  And, in a move that one could only classify as “smartass”, Maynard took a picture of himself (below) in front of a police van and sent it to the daily.  He made the front page.

Now, onto the move one could only classify as "dumbass."  Yesterday, Maynard popped into his usual barbershop, just a short distance from the police station, to have a quick trim.  A passerby recognized him instantly and called cops, who arrested the fugitive mid-cut.

Well, at least he’ll look good for his court appearance.  And really, isn't that all that's important?

911 Is Not A Cab Company November 11, 2009 4:02 PM | permalink

C’mon you’ve been there, stranded, drunk alone on the side of the road at closing time with no ride in sight. Not exactly your smartest move ever. Ok, fair enough.  But, it’s happened to the best of us. And really, it’s not the situation it’s how you handle it that marks the measure of a man. Right?

 Well, one Benton Harbor, MI man handled the situation so poorly, we’re  branding him the Dumb Criminal of the Day.

According to police, Jorge Murillo, called 911 to report that he had been kidnapped and robbed early Wednesday morning.  But when officers arrived at his location, they found him obviously "inebriated"; He then allegedly admitted the made the whole thing up just to get a ride home from cops. 

He is charged with disorderly conduct and making a false public agency service report.

But hey, at least he didn’t call 911 and claim "I am them” after getting behind the wheel drunk.  And for that he is very smart.

Dial 'D'Oh' For Dumb November 10, 2009 4:03 PM | permalink

 Police in Yukon, OK won the dumb drug deal lottery last week when a suspected drug dealer accidentally dialed 911 in the midst of discussing sales of illicit narcotics.

Dispatchers realized what was happening at the other end of the phone line and quickly determined where the call had originated. Police arriving on the scene say they found 514 prescription pills and ecstasy pills, 70.5 grams of marijuana and 2.2 grams of a "white powdery substance." Street value on the dope was $20,000. Mark Alan Clair (pictured above) and Shannon Blake McAlister (below) were arrested on numerous drug charges.

To make matters worse, the telltale cell phone was stolen, police say. Karma’s a bitch, I say.

Bacon Lamp: Dumbest Invention Ever? or Clever? November 10, 2009 10:08 AM | permalink

Who says you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear?

If last week's introduction to Bacon Soap didn't tip you off that this country goes hog wild over fried pork products, perhaps an introduction to the Bacon Lamp will.

Personally, I have a dog, so I think this invention is dumb. But, if you can find a bulb with enough wattage to cook the swine flu... I mean swine through, then clever it just may be.

I say this guy should hook up with our friends who invented Bread Slippers and you'll have the market cornered on giving fat, lazy, Americans the ultimate excuse for never getting out of bed.

Mmmm... Bacon. Homer Simpson would be proud.

Men Have a Cow, But Cops Not Amused November 9, 2009 5:19 PM | permalink

Two Naples, FL allegedly men took their craving for a good steak to a whole new level on Sunday and their getaway was such an udder failure.

Terry Jospeh Hartline (pictured above) and Erik Tillman (below) shot and butchered a neighbor’s cow, stole the back strap of meat and took it home, according to deputies with the Collier County Sheriff.

Deputies discovered the carcass on the side of the road. It didn't take them long to find the suspects. There were drag marks that led them from the scene to Hartline’s residence and onto Tillman’s adjacent property, where they found more bovine bits. No bull.

 As if that wasn’t enough evidence, deputies also say Tillman was still in his bloody clothes. 

Both men are charged with grand theft livestock.

Bet He's Not Gonna Get Lucky Tonight November 9, 2009 7:14 AM | permalink

Who am I to judge people? Maybe this guy is clever.

But getting woken up this way by the man in my life wouldn't exactly get my juices flowing.  Very dumb idea. And men, with the internet nowadays you should never have a shortage of tricks up your sleeve. 

So I took the liberty of linking you here to five of the most romantic ways to wake up the lucky lady in your life! Be smart this week fellas!

Dumb Criminal of the Week - Vote Now! November 6, 2009 5:21 PM | permalink

I'm thrilled to announce that we have two "winners" this week.

You Dumb Criminal lovers have voted and hands-down found Permanent Marker Masked Bandits Matthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller the Dumbest Criminals of the Week. Their Moms must be sooo proud.

Now here's this week's nominees -- once again all are pictured at left to help refresh your memories. Polls will be open for one week only!

MONDAY: She Made Him An Offer He Easily Refused

TUESDAY: The Lord Sees All

WEDNESDAY: Here Kitty, Kitty, Smile For The Camera

THURSDAY: Cops Don't Buy Man's Bottom Line

FRIDAY: Bad Call On Pot Robbery

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Bad Call on Pot Robbery November 6, 2009 3:21 PM | permalink

Dumb Move #1:  Calvin Hoover, pictured, made an angry 911 call early Tuesday morning from a Salem, OR bar parking lot to report someone broke into his truck, stole his jacket, $400 in cash and about an ounce of marijuana, according to police.

Dumb Move #2:  Hoover made a second 911 call about an hour later, police say. He was  really angry that the cops hadn't yet shown up to help him. The dispatcher had a little trouble understanding the "victim" this time, however, because Hoover had to stop several times during the call to vomit.

Dumb Move #3: When the cops did in fact catch up to Hoover, the 21-year-old allegedly told them he was looking  for the guys that stole his weed.

He was arrested for DUI.

The Salem police also took the time to school Hoover on dumb moves. Officers advised him that tipping them off about the marijuana was probably a stupid idea.   If they had caught him with it, he would also have been charged with possession.

Got Any Toe Cheese To Go With Those Slippers? November 6, 2009 12:51 PM | permalink

Yep, it's for real. Shoes made from bread.  A Lithuanian design team has come up with a series of edible, wearable slippers.

Guess they come in handy if you get hungry in the middle of the night.

By the way, I hear they run small, so you should buy a half-loaf larger than your normal size.

So Obvious Why He Didn’t Put A Ring On It! November 6, 2009 12:46 PM | permalink

Police arrested a Tennessee woman on Wednesday for allegedly making several non-emergency calls to 911. Eh, not so unusual right?

But the excuse?

As dumb as it gets.

Police say Hee Orama, pictured, called to complain that her boyfriend lied about wanting to marry her.

Dispatchers told Orama, 34, to stop but according to reports she kept on dialing. So the cops came to her home and put her in jail.

Now here’s what makes the story even dumber.  Police say they also arrested Orama last week for repeatedly calling 911 because she couldn't find her car.

Men--they just don’t know a good catch when they have it.

How-To's & How-Not-To's Video Dump November 5, 2009 4:03 PM | permalink

One of the most popular videos of the week, with the best back story: Drunk forklift driver totally destroys a liquor warehouse. Gives new meaning to the term “under the influence.”

Everyone loves a good how-to video. Here’s a clever trick on opening wine bottles without a corkscrew. God, I really coulda used this in college.  I’m also throwing in a video on how not to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew for good measure.

And this one from Daily Motion’s truTV channel is not for the squeamish. Check out this skateboarder’s freakish arm accident. And he doesn’t even flinch!

Six minutes of people doing random, non-useful stuff with actual useful stuff.  It’s strangely captivating. Oh, and Chinese take-out thrown in for good measure. 

Don’t have time to sit around and scrounge the internet the video that’s all the latest rage? Luckily Metacafe has a mix of the best web video’s ever.

Cops Don't Buy Man's Bottom Line November 5, 2009 12:53 PM | permalink

Just when officers thought they heard it all, a Florida man allegedly used a bowel movement malfunction as the excuse for exposing himself in a busy parking lot.

On Monday, two women called police after seeing a naked man shaking his hips inside a white Chevy van outside of a North Naples Walmart. The Collier County Sheriff's Office say that they responded and found David Todd Napodano, pictured, "in plain view" at the same location nearly an hour later. 

When confronted, Napodano told police he had “explosive diarrhea” and was using his underwear to clean-up.  But, according to reports, upon examining Napodano’s tighty-whities, no evidence of that nature was found.

Wow, what a relief for the poor deputy on the losing end of that coin toss.

Napodano was arrested and charged with indecent exposure.

Here Kitty, Kitty, Smile For The Camera November 4, 2009 5:25 PM | permalink

If we learned anything by yesterday’s blog, it’s that criminals and cameras are a bad mix, especially for the alleged perp. And today’s Dumb Criminal reiterates that point.

A Syracuse woman, Joanne Cichy, was devastated to discover her four-month-old kitten missing as she returned from trick-or-treating with her children on Halloween.

But you can bet she was even more disturbed the next day. That’s when Cichy discovered a video on her digital camera showing the cat hanging from the apartment door with a belt around its neck. And who was stepping in and out of the picture? Her live-in boyfriend, Rascell Williams, (pictured), according to police.

Cops say the video shows the animal struggling before going motionless.

The feline was found alive under the porch. Williams was charged with unjustifiable animal cruelty.

Whatever Happened to Good ‘Ol ‘Soap On A Rope?’ November 4, 2009 12:49 PM | permalink

I think that we can all agree that soap was a fantastic invention. Very, smart.

Adding fancy ingredients and packaging to create a billion-dollar industry.  Very, Very smart.

But, as usual, some folks take a good thing to the next level, one that I like to refer to as “dumbass.”

Here are a few examples:

Beer Soap:

I don’t get this.  I work to rid my body of the booze odor after a night on the town. But, I guess if you’re a die hard and really want to keep the party going all day long, this could work.  I just wouldn’t recommend washing your kid’s mouth out with it.  If you’re partying that hard the offspring already has a few strikes against him.

“Weener Kleener” Soap:

Here’s another adult-only recommendation.  The Weener Kleener promises a “stimulating” method of personal hygiene. I can’t really vouch for it since I am, after all, the female type.  But it seems to me more like an interesting way to clean out the pipes.

Bacon Soap:

Why bother? Just grab a can of Crisco. That should do the trick.  Plus, if there’s no egg and cheese involved, I’m not interested. Also, on a side note, it’s not a particularly good Bar Mitzvah gift.

PB &J Soap:

Now, here’s something a little bit more appropriate for the ankle-biters.  According to the description it "smells just like grape jelly," and as you can see is cut into the shape of a sandwich. I typically don’t let my children bath in what I’ve given them for lunch.

Baby Hands Soap:

Personally, I have my hands full with the babies I’ve got. Two words, Creep-Y.

Comic Book Nerd Du Jour. Dumb Or Clever? November 4, 2009 11:41 AM | permalink

I am seriously shocked this guy still has his eyebrows. But, I'm pretty certain Allstate has dropped his fire insurance rider.

The Shroud of Testing November 4, 2009 9:36 AM | permalink

How do you put a condom to the test? By inflating, bursting and submerging, of course!

So Consumer Reports put 15,000 johnnies to a "standardized test" and found seven perfect condoms. Here's the video to prove it:

Now, if they could only test 15,000 men and come up with seven perfect ones, that would be a breakthrough.

One last important note:  the "Night Light" condoms didn’t quite pass the reliability test.   They do, however, apparently live up to the name, and um, glow with the flow if you will.

Now, here's a look at a more unorthodox method of testing condoms.

The Lord Sees All. So Does a Bible Store Clerk with a Hidden Video Camera. November 3, 2009 12:23 PM | permalink

Is nothing sacred?

Police in California arrested a clerk who worked at the Simi Valley Family Christian Book Store Sunday for allegedly peeping at patrons with a video camera.

Joseph David Ramon Moreaux, pictured left in his MySpace profile, was busted when a customer called police after finding the camera rolling in the store’s bathroom.

But how did cops know Moreaux, 28, was the culprit who planted the camera? Let’s go to the videotape.

Police say the clerk inadvertently recorded himself hiding the device in the bathroom between boxes.

Moreaux was issued a citation and released.  He has been suspended from his job.  Alleluia!