People putting stuff up their butt and other dumb things I'll miss April 25, 2011 1:14 PM | permalink

I worked at truTV while you were still in short pants.  Since 2008, to be exact.  And maybe you weren't in short pants as it was January when the network I had been hired to work at in 2004 magically became truTV.  And you would've been cold wearing those short pants.  Unless of course you were near the equator, which is totally possible now that I think about it.

Anyway.

In my long stint at truTV I wore many hats.  Stetsons, a Fez, a little teal number with a veil and a bird on it. But I also did lots of stuff for truTV.  However, my proudest moments were when I was dealing out the dumb. Things like:

1. The Dumbest Things People Do on Facebook

2. 14 Dumb Valentine's Day Traditions

3. The guy who had sex with a picnic table. Allegedly.

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Poll: Why did Chris Brown break the window? March 23, 2011 11:36 AM | permalink

Yesterday, after appearing on Good Morning America to sing from and shill his new album, Chris Brown allegedly went to his dressing room and flipped out.  A cooler was tossed and he shattered a window with a chair, ripped off his shirt and stormed out into the streets.  All because the interviewer, Robin Roberts, asked him some questions about his former punching bag girfriend, Rihanna and the five-year probation sentence he received for assaulting her.

Now instead of ABC pressing charges for damage to their offices, Roberts has extended a heartfelt on-air invitation for Brown to come back.  This is because no one had heard of Roberts before yesterday because no one under 75 watches GMA. And I guess some women just keep coming back for more.  Fame makes people freaks because seemingly normal people like Roberts bend over backwards to get a piece of the celebrity penumbra. 

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Poll: Who is the dumbest Angry Bird? March 21, 2011 1:59 PM | permalink

Angry Birds is the world's stupidest, most amazingly addictive wonderful puzzle-type physics game.  I have it on my Verizon iPhone.

I also have this bit of Finnish fluff on my Playstation, because I am an idiot -- it's not nearly as much fun if you can't touch the screen.  But I couldn't say no because I have an adorable obsessed 4-year-old. No, my kid is not an anti-social screenbot -- yet.  But my spawn and millions of other morons like you and me who like cheap 99 cent thrills, are how Rovio, the company behind Angry Birds, rasied 42 million smackers this month. And that's not chicken feed.

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If you wear dumb things on your head, people will stare and take pictures March 21, 2011 10:44 AM | permalink

This dude you see above was walking around during the SXSW festival in Austin, TX with his head incased in vegetable matter.  However, it was so much more exciting than a nerd wearing shrubbery on his noggin -- he had affixed two iPhones where his eyes would be and those phones showed moving images of the world from his point of view. Looking into his creepy iPhone eyes was like looking into a mirror.  He also had a backpack with more greenery spewing from it. 

It was so stupid and so wonderful that everyone wanted to take a picture of him.  Green giant ball of WTF was happy to oblige, and I watched him pose for many snaps as he ambled around downtown.  He didn't have any logos on him, or QR code or fliers.  Unlike 99% of people there, he wasn't advertising or hawking anything.  Was he making a statement about green technology?  Did the images he was projecting of us seeing ourselves say something about dumb media narcissism?  Was he just a nutter?

We may never know.  But I say, well done mysterious cruciferious cowboy!  And thanks for the photo op.

Then, there's this odd Austinite, pictured below:

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Dumb poll: He cheated, she grabbed scissors. Is getting back at your ex dumb? March 10, 2011 11:30 AM | permalink

A husband who told his wife he was going to a business conference secretly went to the Carribean with another woman instead. 

That's not unsual.  It's so common there is probably a word for it.  Carribeinboinking?  Sneakyshesnorkeling?  Bluewaterwanker?

Anyway...

In this case, when the wife found out, she hopped a plane across the country to show up at her husband's home which they co-own (they apparently lived apart for work reasons) and found he had hidden any evidence that he was married.  And she found a trove of stuff that belonged to his travelling tart.

So, according to reports, this wronged woman cut out the crotches in the other woman's outfits and left them in a suitcase in the driveway. 

The one whose clothes were trashed didn't press charges, which makes me think she thought she had it coming.

But the wife doing this is totally dumb,

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Dumbest iPhone accessory ever? March 9, 2011 2:39 PM | permalink

Yes, that picture is worth a thousand words.  It is indeed a new iPhone cover that features a taut bunch of meat chimes.

Here's a slogan I came up with they can have for free: This new case protects your phone while leaving your dignity in the dust.

And I'm not saying the bro purse that's attached is small, but I've seen larger ones on Barry Bonds.  At least the people who buy "bumper nuts" for their truck get a big pair.

This bit of iPhone flair can be yours for $15 and allegedly 10% of all profits go to fight testicular cancer.  But wouldn't you rather send the charity a check and skip being seen sporting a device adorned with these foolish faux baby danglers?

[phoneballs.com]

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Poll: Will you watch Lindsay Lohan browsing for 42 minutes? March 8, 2011 10:33 AM | permalink

Lindsay Lohan was charged with felony grand theft for allegedly swiping a diamond necklace valued at $2,500 from a store in Venice, CA.  Soon after this scandal Lohan tweeted, "fyi- i would never steal" and I for one can't believe that after hearing it straight from Li-lo herself, that the authorities are such mean boys and girls.

If Lohan doesn't reach a plea deal, the entire 42 minute footage of the incident, some of which has been teased online, will become evidence in a trial. The website necklacevideo.com claims they will be releasing all the tapes quite shortly. They are even collecting email addresses for those eager to be the first to see this silent barely-color film of an actress drowsily shopping for trinkets.

My question is: When this runs in full, will the world be watching?  Will you be watching?  Take our dumb poll and let us know. 

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Poll: How keeerazy is Charlie Sheen? March 2, 2011 12:30 PM | permalink

No doubt ol' rock star from Mars is crazy with a capital K.

He just joined Twitter, the day after his publicist resigned.  People are following him faster than vultures who spy a flattened crow on the road. This is getting goooooooood.

It's so entertaining Les Moonves head of CBS said, "He's on the air quite a bit these days. I wish he would have worked this hard to promote himself for an Emmy."  Me-ow!

But is Sheen bird-coming-out-of-a-clock nuts or just chock full of nuts?  Basically what flavor of nut?  We've got ideas, but we're not sure and need your help.  So vote and let us know.  If you'll excuse me, I've got to slavish follow @CharlieSheen for the latest in breaking dumb news.

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Doofus sends $200K to fake girlfriend. Deserves to be pointed and laughed at. February 28, 2011 11:54 AM | permalink

Boy meets girl (virtually) , boy sends girl gobs of money, boy learns he was scammed by girl who might not be a girl at all.

That's what happened to a 48-year-old moron in Naperville, IL who wired a total of $200,000 over two and a half years to a woman he met online.  This dude sent his online amour money to accounts in Malaysia, England, the United States and, of course, Nigeria.  Turned out her ID was a sample license from Florida.

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What kind of guy calls 911 when he sees a cute naked woman? February 23, 2011 3:19 PM | permalink

Teri Batcher, pictured, is a 34-year-old assistant manager at Walgreen's who allegedly had the perfect pick-up tactic -- go to a bar and get naked -- but it got her picked up by police instead.

According to police, Batcher went into the Thirsty Turtle in Sarasota, FL (which I like to imagine is just like the Regal Beagle in Three's Company) had a few drinks and then moseyed off to the men's bathroom where she removed all her clothes.

Then when she walked around the bar in the buff (to perhaps imbibe more), the manager reportedly tried to get Batcher to put on her clothes, but she refused.  She proceeded to lock her nude self in the men's bathroom.

She was arrested on charges of Indecent Exposure and Disorderly Conduct and was taken to Sarasota County Jail.  At the jail cops say she hit her chin on the ground because "she had to blow her nose and that’s why she fell." 

It's cold and flu season people, so let's be careful out there.

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