Frolics From Finland November 16, 2008 10:10 AM | permalink

Check out this clip from "The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest" in which Finnish dudes play soccer in a muddy bog.  Then let us know; Which do you think is more twisted, naked swampball or cross-dressing swampball?

Fee Love, Baby! November 15, 2008 10:17 AM | permalink

Can a hippy dippy songstress serenade her way out of paying a ticket?  Watch and see in this clip from  "Speeders Fight Back"!

Dumb Criminal of the Week Vol. 20 November 14, 2008 4:20 PM | permalink

The 20th Dumb Criminal of the Week Poll welcomes you!

Last week we saw record voter turnout. With 2,104 of you participating, Mommy Dumbest got 28% of the vote and Dope Down There got 27%, making this race almost too close to call.  But since we're not going to have a recount or the Supreme Court getting up in our grill we'll call it for Mommy Dumbest!

Now check out this week's nominees and then VOTE!

Monday 11/10: Drunken Duo Fare Game Sez Cops

If the cops call a cab for your drunk a$$, don't skip out of paying the fare. 

Tuesday 11/11:  Sardines, Wieners and Smackdowns -- Oh My!

Cops say a fight ensues after woman helps herself to world's most disgusting snacks.

Wednesday 11/12: Pray For Florida's Dumb Soul

Man allegedly drinks a case of beer, pees on church and blacks out.

Thursday 11/13: Dopey Karaoke

This story is a bit like "American Idol" meets "American Gladiator."

Friday 11/14: What a Card!

When you break into a house, don't leave your business card.

***

Vote now!

What a Card! November 14, 2008 2:29 PM | permalink

Damon Bonnell, 31, allegedly broke into a woman's home and, surprised to find her there, told her he was selling a car.  When the homeowner said she wasn't interested in the vehicle, he claimed he fixed computers and handed her a business card, according to police in Hillsborough County, NH.

Cagey detectives followed the name and address on the card and arrested Bonnell on burglary charges.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this story  will not bechronicled on an upcoming episode of "Forensic Files." But never fear -- if there's any video evidence, you might spy it on a future edition of "The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest Criminals."

Note to Self: Dance Lewdly at Community Center November 14, 2008 10:58 AM | permalink

The small mountain town of Marshall, NC has just paid a 56-year-old woman $275,000 to not dance at a community hangout.

To give you some perspective; this is more than ten times Marshall's median household income.

Rebecca Willis was accused of tripping the light fantastic while gyrating, simulating intercourse and wearing a skirt so tiny you needn't be at the top of a mountain to see her scenic vista.

Town officials said they'd "burn the place down" rather than allow her back into the club, which is housed in a refurbished train station, so ponying up hundreds of thousands of dollars in settlement money to not have the middle-aged filly dirty dance for them was seen as the smartest way to reduce visual pollution.

I'd tell you more but I gotta pack my bags and fly south for the winter.  There's gold in them thar hills!

Cue: music

Twine Hard November 13, 2008 12:23 PM | permalink

Roundabout 1979 James Frank Kotera of Highland Falls, WI  says God told him to make a twine ball.  So he did.  It's now 19,850 pounds.  And Kotera, who works at the town's trash dump, says he's having fun. 

According to Wikipedia, Kotera has also made a smaller companion ball for the big one, made of string and named "Junior."

You know you're having a bad week when you are jealous of a garbage man in Wisconsin who's having fun with his balls.

Image: Become the next big baller with this all-purpose twine.

Dopey Karaoke November 13, 2008 9:59 AM | permalink

Kyle Drinkwine (pictured) 24, didn't like what he heard from a heavy metal karaoke performance and assaulted the offending singer and his friend, according to police in River Falls, WI.

Drinkwine faces battery, disorderly conduct and probation violation charges.  Check out The Smoking Gun to see the full report and find out the cover that offended him.

While this incident is unfortunate, it is not without precedent: The Smoking Gun points us to the tale of Lindsey Lawrence, a 21-year-old gal in Seattle who was arrested last year on charges that she assaulted a man for his shoddy karaoke rendition of a Coldplay song.

Do you hear wedding bells?  Or maybe just them doing a "I Fought the Law" duet?

Pray For Florida's Dumb Soul November 12, 2008 2:06 PM | permalink

Hot on the heels of our recent story of a guy busted in Florida for allegedly stealing communion wafers, comes this tale of another unholy act in the Sunshine State.

Raymond C. Kersey (pictured) 43, drank a case of beer and answered the call of nature on the home of the higher power, according to cops in Fort Pierce, FL.

To put it simply: He peed on a church and got busted.  Allegedly.

Police say Kersey didn't remember doing it.  He was arrested for disorderly intoxication. 

Although I am against people committing crimes, I would like to thank the man (or woman) upstairs for creating Florida and thus, making my job so much easier. 

Tomorrow, let us all hope a guy accidentally lights his privates on fire while trying to rob a Tampa bodega.

Amen.

PS Don't forget to vote in our Dumb Criminal of the Week Poll!

Citizens Against Kissy Face Sideways Peace Sign November 12, 2008 11:17 AM | permalink

I couldn't help but notice the dumb genius of the Facebook group "End girl's pictures with kissy face and sideways peace sign -- you look dumb!"

The group's description makes their aims even plainer:

"For all that think pictures of girls posing with the sideways peace sign and that obnoxious kissy face is not just stupid, but the downfall of civilization."

Of course, I also like the group that calls itself, "Let's NOT take pictures of ourselves in THE BATHROOM MIRROR!" The group "PLEASE STOP TAKING PICTURES OF YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR" also appeals.  I'm slightly less fond of the group, "Hate people who use a mirror to take pictures of themself in there [sic] bathroom" because I'm staunchly anti-hate and anti-spelling error. 

And since we're talkin' Facebook, why not join the truTV fan page?  It's got videos so fresh they're flipping, behind-the-scenes photos and mucho mucho more!  Plus if you leave a comment for us, we read them all and respond to as many as possible.  Join truTV on Facebook now!

Image: The urge to take an obnoxious kissy face sideways peace sign in my bathroom mirror snap was irresistable.

Wooden Ties? November 12, 2008 9:02 AM | permalink

Yes, wooden ties.  Ties, made out of wood. Behold!

The website that sells them touts the ease of care (no ironing, just furniture polish) and offers testimonials from happy customers.  Like this one:

"I can’t believe how cool this tie is. I’m single and when I wear it, women give me lots of attention...lots!" 

Notice how he says "lots of attention" rather than "an avalanche of ass"?  Yeah, I did too. 

Sardines, Wieners and Smackdowns -- Oh My! November 11, 2008 11:55 AM | permalink

Maxie L. Davis (pictured) 43, was watching television with his ex-girlfriend when she popped open his cans of sardines and Vienna sausages, according to police in Fort Pierce, FL.

Wait, why did the police get involved?  Although those foods are empirically disgusting and should probably be outlawed, they are not illegal to consume.  Not yet, anyways.

Davis did not like this lady friend helping herself to his treats and proceeded to punch her several times, according to cops, who  arrested him for battery.

Davis claims she was only "a friend of a friend" who had come over to smoke crack and then proceeded to flip out.  I can't believe he was arrested.  Don't cops usually love the "only there to smoke crack" defense?

Related criminal dumbosity: Sausage as a weapon and sausage smuggling.

PS: Enter our caption contest now for a chance to win a Dumb As a Blog shirt!

Beastly Dumb Roundup November 10, 2008 3:00 PM | permalink

Hatty the Lakeland Terrier is reportedly batty for beer mats, chewing 50 per hour during her time as a pooch pub-goer.  For her alleged addiction, she was banned from a drinking establishment in North Wales.

The landlord, however, has decided to allow her back on a three-month probation, but only if she wears a high-visibility vest.

How this will curtail the dog's chaos, I have no idea.  I doubt they do, either.  Moving on...

In other real but really absurd animal news, a woman in Australia jogged for a mile with a rabid fox clamped to her arm.  The foxy lady then threw the animal in her trunk and drove herself to the hospital. 

And a wild turkey is said to have sought sanctuary at an Indianapolis church and a fox that entered a church in South Carolina and went on a seemingly satanic rampage was found to be rabid.

Also, I noticed Rahm Emanuel is called an "attack dog" so often I wonder if Obama's daughters will think he is their new puppy.

Faux animals have more fun: The NYU Bobcat hits Manhattan and has a blast as seen in this slideshow.

Finally: Check out this clip from "Speeders" featuring a couple who get pulled over and then sing the praises of their potty-trained skunks.

Catch a new episode of "Speeders" every Thursday at 8pm e/p.

Image: Get your own misbehaving-dog-in-a-pub vest here.

Drunken Duo Fare Game Sez Cops November 10, 2008 2:48 PM | permalink

Police officers in Chattanooga, TN arranged to get  a cab for two men, believing the duo too drunk to drive.  However, once the pair arrived at their destination and found out how much the fare would cost, one of the men allegedly said he was getting the money from his truck, but they both bolted -- taking off in the truck instead.

What the men might not have guessed is that the cabbie would chase after them at speeds of up to 80 m.p.h., to retrieve the $50 he was owed.

The police arrested the two and there's entertaining yet perplexing video in which one of the suspects claims "crazy women" are the cause of his legal troubles. Pardon me boy?  Is that the Chattanooga numskull?

WTF = What the Forklift?! November 10, 2008 10:13 AM | permalink

On truTV's "Operation Repo," which, incidentally, airs a new episode tonight at 10pm e/p, you get to see deadbeat owners confronted by a team of people who come to repossess their vehicles when the payments haven't been made.

Of course, our cameras catch every moment.  But somehow that doesn't stop the genius you see in the clip below from seeming to threaten the team with a gun.  Watch it now.  It also includes the most thrilling real-life forklift chase ever.

Muscles From Sugar? SWEET! November 9, 2008 9:38 AM | permalink

Do you know what "crispy" used cars are?  Did you know you can get a hot body from Cocoa Puffs?  No?  Well then you'd better watch this super awesome clip of a real pull over on truTV's hit show "Speeders" right now!

Gary Busey Says: 'Noodln'? That's Redneck Fishing' November 8, 2008 10:00 AM | permalink

Watch what our other celebs have to say about this bizarre, bare-handed fishing business called "Noodlin'" in a clip from "The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest."

Dumb Criminal of the Week Vol. 19 November 7, 2008 4:49 PM | permalink

Suffering from election withdrawal?  No worries -- get your voting fix with our 19th Dumb Criminal of the Week Poll! 

Last week, much like America, we had record voter turnout here. With over 1,948 votes in, our moron-elect grabbed over 50% of the vote and captured the nation's imagination with Grand Theft Auto: Puppy Edition.

Our new nominees are...

Monday 11/3: Absolut Stupidity

Woman allegedly offers homeless man into her car for cocktails in exchange for an alibi. 

Tuesday 11/4:  Mommy Dumbest

If you are too drugged to drive, your 13-year-old isn't the smartest choice to chauffeur.

Wednesday 11/5: Crack In Crack Is Especially Whack

Is that a crack pipe in your butt or are you just happy to see me?

Thursday 11/6: Police: We Found Her H-Spot

Cops: It's a boy!  It's a girl!  No, it's 20 bags of heroin!

Friday 11/7: Naked Cell Tower Climb Gets Chilly Reception: Cops

Our token male dumb criminal allegedly spends seven nude hours atop a cell phone tower.

***

Now let's keep the passion going and vote!

Freaky Friday's Dumb Roundup November 7, 2008 3:10 PM | permalink

England: Was land of Shakespeare, now land of drug-crazed teens.  Forsooth!

New Hampshire State Representative makes good on promise to go outside the house naked if Obama wins.  With SFW picture!

In Spring Valley, CA thieves allegedly drive their truck through a liquor store and make off with an ATM.  While we don't have footage of this, here's a great clip from truTV's "Most Shocking" of many doing the exact same thing and another from Texas with bandits lassoing themselves some cash.  Are these guys dumb or is it the people who make automatic tellers way too portable?

Welding + vodka production = KABOOM!

Dumb envy: I can't get my man to play Scrabble with me on land, and this couple does it in mid-air?  Phoo!

This blog post has a cool picture of a street performer who sits people down, lays them back and then removes the stools.  Kinda got to see it to explain.

Speaking of blogs, I love the dumb title and tagline for this one. Kitten Whore: Life is driving me crazy.  Kittens make it better.

Image: Doll available at bardcentral.com

Naked Cell Tower Climb Gets Chilly Reception: Cops November 7, 2008 12:43 PM | permalink

If Andrew Arnold (pictured) was seeking more bars when he allegedly disrobed and spent seven hours atop a cell phone tower, he got them, in the form of an arrest by police in Collin County, TX.

Arnold now is accused of criminal trespass, disorderly conduct and fleeing from police.  These charges, he might be surprised to learn, are not the kind you can use to power up a phone.

Dusting 4 Dummies November 7, 2008 9:53 AM | permalink

Man cleans house with a blowtorch.

Guess what happens next?

Yes!

Wait, are you psychic or something?

Now: Enter our latest caption contest here for your chance to win a blazing hot Dumb Blog shirt!

Barney: Jealous, Much? November 6, 2008 4:00 PM | permalink

All this talk about Obama and a new puppy obviously has the First Dog in a snit.  A reporter named Jon Decker went to pet Barney, the White House pooch, and the Scottish Terrier lashed out, biting Decker, who then received treatment from a White House physician.  The journalist got a bandage, antibiotics and will be getting a tetanus shot.

There's even a video of the attack, which you can see below.  I love the quote, "What's wrong with Barney today? He's snapping at everybody!"  It's obvious to anyone that the lame duck doggie is not happy.

Police: We Found Her H-Spot November 6, 2008 11:37 AM | permalink

If ever there was a story to convince young people to stay away from drugs, it's probably this.  A woman charged with selling narcotics had to be hospitalized to remove copious amounts of heroin she had stashed in her vagina, according to cops in Bridgeport, CT.

Latasha Martinez, 35, allegedly had 20 bags of dope down there, presumably ready to be sold at market value once they could be extracted from her hidey hole.  She faces a variety of drug charges and was held in lieu of bail and I'm sure the doctor who had to go spelunking for the smack had a great dinnertime story for his family.

After yesterday's tale of a woman who allegedly had crack in her crack, my esteemed dumb editor asked if it was possibly National Hide Drugs In Your Body Crevice Week.  If so we didn't get the memo.

NOTE:  Don't forget to vote in our latest Dumb Criminal of the Week Poll and enter our second-ever Caption Contest for your chance to win a Dumb As A Blog shirt!  FYI Those hot T-shirt models you see here are real truTV.com employees who posed for me!