Baby Have We Got Stupid Links November 6, 2009 3:27 PM | permalink

Photos of old people playing Guitar Hero.

John Devore has broken up with smoking.  In his words, "She did nothing for me: made me stink, emptied my bank account, and wreaked havoc on my health...On the plus side, she never called me crying at three in the morning. And she made me look so cool...She tasted great with whiskey...I knew she’d never leave me, and she’d keep me company when I was lonely, or up until five in the morning hack writing. Ours was a relationship devoid of the threat of rejection. We had planned on having many beautiful tumor babies together. But now, I’ve kicked that bitch to the curb."  Read the whole story right here on The Frisky.

Oh ya, real babies shouldn't smoke, blah blah blah... but ceramic babies can!  Get yours here.

Speaking of wrong: Hairless bears in Leipzig, Germany.  Ewwww.

World's most disturbing Christmas ornament (pictured right) can be yours for only $40 plus shipping.

Or you can be the first on your block to own this crap and glitter-filled "shower art."

Three wolf moon shirt goes all literate and stuff.

Bra-freakin'-vo!  Buzzfeed decides to attempt to open a bottle of wine in the magical shoe against a wall method demonstrated by that anonymous drunken Frenchman in the viral video -- and it works!

Interview: Sam Apple, Author American Parent November 5, 2009 9:34 AM | permalink

Sam Apple (pictured) is the editor-in-chief of The Faster Times and author of Schlepping Through the Alps which was a finalist for the PEN/Martha Albrand Award for First Nonfiction. Apple’s work has appeared in a variety of publications, including The New York Times, Financial Times, and ESPN The Magazine. 

His latest book, American Parent: My Strange and Surprising Adventures in Babyland, explores the history of baby-rearing along with Apple's own hilarious and personal take on being plunged into the oft bizarre world of modern parenthood.

First the facts: How many kids do you have? Ages?

Three -- ages three, one, and one. I don't remember what sleep is. 

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done as a parent?

That's a tough one. So many to choose from. Leaving the $700 stroller my father-in-law bought for us in Target is up there.

What is the kookiest facet of modern parenting you discovered while researching your book?

Well $700 strollers themselves are pretty kooky. But it's not just about strollers. Parents -- myself included -- are spending a lot of money on kooky toys and gadgets. One my favorites -- though I don't own one, alas -- is the Potty Monkey that is supposed to teach your children how to use the bathroom. It calls out to be taken to the bathroom periodically, and if you ignore it, it eventually announces that it has had an accident.

You once poured baby shampoo into your own eyes? Please graph and explain. No seriously, just explain.

I know it sounds like the dumbest thing of all time -- and, indeed, it might be -- but there was some logic to it. I had noticed that despite using "no tears" shampoo, my son always cried when we shampooed him. It occurred to me that though the shampoo makers said it didn't hurt, we really couldn't be so sure, since babies can't talk. There was only one way to find out... And, sure enough, it stings.

There’s been an explosion of toys, music and classes engineered to make babies smarter. Have you tried any of these and do you think a kid whose mom plays tambourine in a circle with them before they are a year old has an intellectual leg up? Basically, do toys and classes engineered to make kids smarter work?

No, I don't think they work. A good rule of thumb is that if a toy or class or kids show claims to be "developmental," it's almost certainly b.s. But I don't think that that's necessarily reason to abandon all the toys or classes. The classes can still be fun and the products, if they keep your baby occupied for a while, can help get you through some tough parenting moments. We've taken music classes with our kids not because I expect them to be great musicians -- or musicians at all -- but because they seem to have fun shaking the little instruments -- okay, mostly they just suck on the instruments. The classes would actually be much better if the teachers weren't forced to pretend like they were educational.

According to a professor quoted in the NY Times “I.Q. has risen sharply over time…Half the population of 1917 would be considered mentally retarded by today’s measurements.” So if not the new-fangled baby learnin’, what accounts for this?

This one is far outside my area of expertise. I think it's possible that the complexity of life in the modern world makes a difference. But I think we can safely say it's not the new-fangled baby learning. If there is a way to make babies smarter, no one has figured it out yet.

Is it true that natural childbirth is actually a Stalinist plot?

Sort of. The Lamaze Method does come from Stalinist Russia. It used to be known as the Pavlov Method. To make a long story very short, the Soviets wanted more women to have babies and they didn't have many drugs to ease the pain. The government pressured scientists into coming up with a pain-free natural birth program and the scientists then explained how it worked using Soviet--approved scientific theories that had been discredited decades earlier.

You found that there may be “a universal theory that can explain the origins of circumcision in many diverse cultures.” Well there may be time travelers amongst us or a as of yet undiscovered all-natural calorie-free version of Alfredo sauce. There may be lots of things… cough up some answers, Apple!

Well, I mean, something has to explain how so many different cultures came up with something so nutso on their own. Though there are plenty of theories, no one knows for sure. My own best guess is that it has something to do with a universal urge to make sacrifices to a higher power in exchange for rewards. If you really want to prove to God that you're serious about your sacrifice, you have to do something extreme. And circumcision is almost as extreme as you can get. You can go further. And some cultures have sacrificed children. But cultures that did that didn't tend to stick around for so long.

I think “family bed” is for parents who are weak-willed and can’t say no, resulting in the parents rarely getting nookie and nobody getting any sleep. But family bed practitioners think anyone who would boot their kid out of bed and leave them to cry it out are cruel humans who are permanently despoiling their kid’s self-esteem. So be honest, who’s right?

Well, I think you're closer to being right. I think people should sleep with their kids if they want to and that it can be a wonderful thing -- yada yada. But there's no evidence one way or the other as to how it might affect someone years later.

According to your book’s PR “Revenue from the sale of baby products has almost tripled since the mid-1990s, and the average American child now receives seventy new toys a year.” What could account for this sudden rise?

There are a lot of different theories and it's probably a combination of a lot of different factors: women tend to buy more of these products and moms now have more income and economic independence than ever before; people are having kids when they're older and have more disposal income; Americans were on a spending spree that only came to an end very recently. I think the biggest factor is probably the more sophisticated marketing to parents. I made the mistake of entering our son's birthday on some website and three year's later I'm still getting emails about what products he needs.

Before motherhood I once looked at a friend’s toddler scarfing down french fries at a diner and said I would never let mine do that. Flash ahead to now, and if I actually get to eat out in public with child, I am willing to give fries I.V. as a way to keep the kid happy and actually have a conversation. Is there anything you swore you would never do as a parent but now do?

I've definitely let my kids watch more baby videos than I thought would. When all three of them are screaming, the choice sometimes feels like Baby Einstein or suicide. I mean, who cares if it makes your kid smarter. Baby Einstein is really for parents.

You live in Park Slope, Brooklyn, a place that seems to have more strollers than mold spores. Do you feel heightened parenting pressure being surrounded by so many savvy urban parents?

The only time I've really felt the pressure is with respect to the lunches I make for my son. It seems like the other kids are all eating things like almond-crusted crepes filled with summer vegetables and sprinkled with fresh lemon juice. Can a crepe be almond-crusted? I just made that example up. The point is, they are eating fancy things I can barely pronounce and my son is eating peanut butter sandwiches on weirdly shaped -- something always seems to go wrong when remove the crust -- slices of bread.

What was your wildest experience researching your book?

I think it was probably when I went on a stakeout with a professional nanny spy. Like every dumb guy, I'd always dreamed of being on a stakeout. But it's sort of hard to sustain the fantasy of being on a topic secret, life-or-death, mission when you're sitting in a van waiting to see if a nanny puts a hat on a baby or not.

What’s the smartest advice you can offer to new or expecting parents?

Be skeptical of all the claims you hear for baby products or classes. The products and classes can be fun and useful, but when they claim to help your baby develop or become smarter, etc., there's usually very little -- or nothing -- to substantiate the claims.

Photo credits: Author image by Aaron Liebman; Joseph Stalin from the Library of Congress online catalog; baby and toys by Susie Felber; Sam Apple and his son by Morgan Levy

Dumb Criminal of the Week - Get Your Stupid Vote On! October 30, 2009 4:41 PM | permalink

You the people have spoken and voted Taharka Johnson, the Burger King employee who allegedly asked a cop at his drive through window if he'd like to trade booze for pot, the Dumbest Criminal of the Week. 

Now, here are this week's nominees, with helpful pictures at left to refresh your memories. Polls will be open for one week only! :

MONDAY: Holding Cell?

TUESDAY:  Still Here In 600 Seconds

WEDNESDAY: Marker Masks

THURSDAY: Drug Factory FAIL

FRIDAY: Lawn Arm of the Law

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Pumpkin Dork Dance October 30, 2009 3:39 PM | permalink

Nebraska, we hardly know ya. But we know that this disturbing video out of KVXO in Omaha from 2006 is now ripe to be burning up the internets.

Oh but shoot! Checking out their funny "The End" video from 2007, looks like the talented news nuts at KXV0 were all fired. Poo.

Snow-way Mobile October 30, 2009 12:21 PM | permalink

Yesterday afternoon I posted a sneak peek from The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest on our official World's Dumbest Facebook Fan page.

We often tag the celebrity talking heads and the real people in our videos on Facebook which makes the page super zingy.  But the best part is the fan comments.  Check out this one we got about the brand new snowmobile clip we put up before last night's show...

Dr. K: When I was a cop in Michigan in 1982 I arrested a guy for DUI on a snowmobile. My first clue was that there was no snow on the ground and it was September and his snowmobile was tearing up the neighborhood lawns. It might have been that same guy from the video.

Thanks Dr. K!  Maybe it's the same guy, or even his kid... either way, both are a little slow-mobile and cut from the same dumb cloth. 

Wanna see the clip?  Well you could go to the TSG Presents Facebook page, or just watch it below right now!

Dumb Video Delight October 29, 2009 3:37 PM | permalink

Dogs aren't the only ones who like to hang their heads out the window -- watch and see.  Bonus: As it sounded like Russian to me, I asked our own Nastacia to provide us with a translation. She says they say, "It's cooler than any cat," between a lot of cussing.

Shark bites another shark in half in Queensland. Think this is why Aussies are such good swimmers.

Nerd wet dream alert! Video make under: From hot chick to zombie in 60 seconds.  

From the truTV channel on Daily Motion: Proof that six seconds is enough for a fabulous FAIL video.

OK, we started with a stupid cat vid, let's end with another.  Heavenly Puss, a Tom & Jerry classic on metacafe.

Total Boobs October 29, 2009 9:40 AM | permalink

If you haven't seen a woman smash stuff with her giant melons on a recent episode of The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest, never fear.  It's right here.  And don't forget there's  an all-new dumb-filled episode tonight at 9PM e/p on truTV.

Seven women were arrested on charges of indecent exposure at a bar in Yulee, FL after they allegedly let it all hang out for a Girls Gone Wild film crew.  Thing is, judging by the mug shots, most of these gals don't look like the type you'd expect, or want, to "go wild."  Mugs and full story here.

In Denver, a slew of bizarre bras, like the sushi support you see at right, are being auctioned off to benefit a breast cancer charity.  The entire do-gooder gazonga garment gallery is here.

Dr. Elana Bodnar has invented a bra that doubles as a face mask so gals can be safe in an emergency, if not entirely supported.  She won an award for this invention from the organization that has given an economics prize to dudes who discovered lap dancers earn higher tips when ovulating.  Heck, today these same science pervs are highlighting a study about bat fellatio. Rock on lusty lab rats!

High Purrformance Vehicle? October 22, 2009 10:07 AM | permalink

Above is an NYPD picture of a not-too-bright cat that traveled two miles stuck inside the engine of a  Nissan before being discovered by the driver.

An "elite team" of officers were called to the scene and extracted the greasy kitty, who most likely spent one of his nine lives to emerge from the Murano in good condition.

It could've very well been a cat-astrophe, but instead, it is a heart-warming fluffy tail tale that inspires hacks like me to make "listen to the engine purr" jokes.

Story here.

Spiritual Misguidance October 21, 2009 6:06 PM | permalink

If you're going to find religion while committing an armed robbery, the least you should do is leave the scene without violating any of the Ten Commandments. Otherwise you look like a hypocrite.

Gregory Smith, pictured, entered an Advance America Cash store, pointed a gun at a clerk and soon asked her to pray with him, according to police in Indianapolis, IN who have surveillance video of Smith on bended knee in prayer with the victim (seen at right).

Smith, 23, allegedly told the clerk about his problems for over 30 minutes, then  gave her one of his bullets. But he also left with $20 and the woman's cell phone.

Smith's mother is said to have seen the footage on the news and told her son to do the right thing and turn himself in and he did just that.

Amen.

25 Nicknames for 1 Dude's Penis October 21, 2009 10:07 AM | permalink

Writer and long-time Maxim Radio personality John Devore (pictured) begins with a simple tale:

"I hooked up with a woman once who, right before I pulled the ripcord on my action pants, cooed into my ear, 'What do you call him?'"

He didn't have an answer.  Now he's got a (short & curly) hair over two dozen.

From The Starship Bonerprize to Zipperpocalypse, after reading 25 Approved Nicknames for my Genital Organs you can feel confident when entering Devore's member's only member club.

Of course, he doesn't say what would happen if a lass strayed from the list and didn't use a green-lit moniker.  You've gotten the wang warning, so proceed at your peril, Penelope.

Related: John is also a frequent columnist for our friends at The Frisky.  Check out his bio and articles and stuff here.

Talk About a Cold Case! October 20, 2009 2:38 PM | permalink

Timothy Dean St. Clair, pictured, was found Sunday sleeping in a freezer of a closed pub he was attempting to rob, according to police in Ridge Manor, FL.

St. Clair, 49, allegedly jumped a fence and ate a can of tomatoes while he was there. He faces a commercial burglary charge.

Related: The Boca pastrami bandit who allegedly fled to a freezer and got trapped there by a worker.

A-Rod Seeks D-Balls? October 20, 2009 11:52 AM | permalink

Private to Kate Hudson: Looks like your beau Alexander Rodriguez wants to put a ring in it.  But the "it" he's thinking of might not be what you had in mind...

Twitpic here, via Bill Simmons, an ESPN columnist and podcaster who rather conveniently has a book about basketball coming out next week. 

Children's Literature FAILs October 20, 2009 10:26 AM | permalink

Looking through a Scholastic book catalog (yeah, that's how I roll), one partially-obscured title behind other advertised "wacky favorites," stuck out:

Farm Flu!

Farm Flu should be a big holiday seller, right? What parent can resist a charming tale of animals getting sick with flu and a child in close proximity?  

In other news, according to CNN, little fans of a 13-sentence classic book called Where the Wild Things Are, remain unimpressed by the new movie of the same name.  Hey four-year-olds, where's your appreciation for dark themes and lyrical cinematic journeys?  Still, gotta say the article quotes a dad who complains his twenty-month-old was bored by it. 

Dude, what are you doing bringing your baby to a movie?  At that age they can concentrate on eating clay, and only for about ten minutes.  Here's a better idea: Take that money and light your farts with it instead.

You're welcome.

Dumb Criminal of the Week - Vote NOW! October 16, 2009 6:30 PM | permalink

Last week saw an impressive voter turnout! And with 3,452 votes in, Christopher R. Voorhis, the guy who allegedly admitted to holding up a shop keeper a knife point but felt the store owner beat him up too much, was your pick for dumbest criminal of the week. 

Now here's this week's nominees -- once again all are pictured at left to help refresh your memories. Polls will be open for one week only!

MONDAY: Labor Day Grope-A-Dope

TUESDAY: In the Buff and In the Jail

WEDNESDAY: Wannabe Sexy Cop Busted

THURSDAY: Designated Dumb Driver

FRIDAY: Capricious Caprese Behaviour

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Cops Cite Capricious Caprese-Induced Behaviour October 16, 2009 3:30 PM | permalink

Mark DeCraepeo, pictured, is the chef and owner of Pizza Time Restaurant, and allegedly, his rage at a certain simple cheese, basil and tomato concoction could not be contained.

For on Wednesday afternoon when a waitress hung an order for a Mozzarella Caprese salad, DeCraepeo, 51, told her her that if he got one more request for that particular dish,  "I swear to God I'll shoot you in the forehead," according to cops in Boca Raton.

Then he slammed a holstered black gun on the counter and added, "Now you see I'm [expletive] serious. I'll put a bullet right in your forehead," according to the police report.

He was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon with intent to commit a felony and taken to the Palm Beach County Jail. 

More pizza madness: The Florida pizza maker who allegedly pistol-whipped two customers who complained about their calzone order, the video of the pizza guy who stabbed a would-be robber, and the video out of Akron, OH of a savage beating a pizza patron receives when he complains into his cell phone that a woman was trying to cut into line.

Ursa Major Damage October 16, 2009 2:34 PM | permalink

When a Colorado couple heard their car alarm going off and saw a light moving around inside their vehicle, they assumed their car was being stolen and called police.

Deputies who responded found it was a bear who was smart enough to get in, but not bright enough to get out.

At left, one of the excellent pictures of the car carnage the suspect caused from the Teller County Sheriff's office.  Go here to see the rest.

Now, imagine trying to get that bear drool off your upholstery.

Best Dumb 'Balloon Boy' Tweets October 16, 2009 10:25 AM | permalink

All anyone wants to talk about this morning is how Falcon Heene, the kid who wasn't in the balloon, told Wolf Blitzer, "...we did this for the show." The kid also threw up live on The Today Show.  Yup, it smells like a hoax...a vomit-filled hoax. Anywho, here's a few handpicked tweets out of zillions -- the creme de la crap -- enjoy!  And follow truTV on Twitter here, if you wanna.

@khayadlanga Ballon Boy, Imma let you finish but Osama bin Laden is the best hide and seek player of all time! All time!

@swimmykimy They brought out a Balloon Boy game: http://www.balloonboygame.com 

@Street_Carnage If anyone needs me I'll be napping in the attic and wasting the nation's time.

@friedmanjon I'm gonna be Balloon Boy for Halloween. Basically, I'm not going out.

@jaysexxy da ballon boy family need dey ass whooped 2

@ltg_jon After all the ballon boy coverage, I have a craving for Jiffy Pop.

@Bootsy_Collins Balloon Boy was really on it but I swooped in on my mothership then beamed him into the attic

And finally this from a real news anchor in Connecticut...

@DarrenKramer8 Executive producer won't let us use the phrase "attention whore" in the balloon boy story. Crud.

Related: Visit our pals at Urlesque to get a load of the funniest balloon boy meme stuff.

Note: In the image at top, we intentionally misspelled "balloon" and still found hundreds of tweets.  Best ones were people who spelled it wrong and then called the family "idiots."  Pot - kettle - black, America!

Designated Dumb Driver October 15, 2009 2:59 PM | permalink

James Russo, pictured, had been arrested for driving while intoxicated on Tuesday night and was put in the backseat of an officer's vehicle when he jumped behind the wheel of the police cruiser and sped off, according to cops in Holderness, NH.

Even with numerous state and local departments after him, Russo, 25, was not caught.  However he did turn himself in the next day, and the police car he allegedly abandoned after getting it "stuck" reportedly had minimal damage to it.

Can you imagine what waking up on Wednesday was like for this guy?  Trying to piece together the events of the night before?  Whoa Nelly.

Russo faces charges of DWI and escape.

Related: This video, below, from The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest in which a female DUI suspect takes her wrath out on a cop car. It's a fabulous clip from Ohio and hopefully it'll convince New Hampshire police to invest in some of those fancy schmancy plastic partitions...  

Rolicking Thursday Roundup October 15, 2009 2:30 PM | permalink

Wait, what?  Bunnies are being used to heat homes in Sweden.  That's hott.  Literally.  Apparently they toss frozen bunnies in the incinerator. Thing is, this might be a smart use of ex-bunnies, but who the heck can approve of burning Bugs?

OK, moving on...the image of Paris Hilton and Bugs Bunny is appropriate to the above story and appropriately bizarre, but it's not new -- it's from 5/11/2006 when she attended Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis' birthday.  But my question is: Where has Paris been?  Is it me or is Paris Hilton's every move suddenly off the stupid radar?

Oh, wait, maybe it's because another highly-connected blonde has stolen her dumb fire?  Like, um, Meghan McCain?  See Meghan's Twitpic at right and read about her Twitter "stir" here, that is, if you aren't stirred enough already.

Related: The night I found Meghan's mom Cindy McCain tweeting about truTV!

Unrelated but excellent: Luggage Tuesdays has wonderful, but disgusting, photo evidence of VH1 and their in-show Burger King logo placement FAIL. 

Cops: Wannabe Sexy Cop Busted by Real Ones October 14, 2009 3:34 PM | permalink

Megan McCauley, pictured, wanted to dress up as a saucy policewoman for Halloween, so on Monday she left a Spencer's store with that very costume in her pocketbook, according to police in Myrtle Beach, SC.

For allegedly fleeing into the mall with the $52.99 5-piece "sexy cop zipper romper" she was charged with Larceny/Theft Shoplifting and you can see the report right here.

Gotta love those dumb criminal stories that are high in irony.

Hey ladies: For more bad (but legal) All Hallow's Eve dress-up ideas check out the Hilariously Unsexy "Sexy" Halloween Costume Photo Gallery on Lemondrop.

via The Smoking Gun

truTV Facebook Fan Spotlight! October 14, 2009 1:58 PM | permalink

We have a Facebook Fan Page -- facebook.com/truTV -- that currently boasts over 22 thousand fans. On it we post sneak peeks, tag our real stars in photos and much more.  We read and appreciate all the comments left for us.  And yesterday, after posting a sneak for a new Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel, one comment stuck out.  This one:

When I saw this, I decided I had to know more.  So I contacted Paul -- a total stranger, pictured at left -- and asked him for an interview.  He obliged and I think the result is pretty excellent.  Check it out.

So, video game or truTV -- which did you choose? What was it like? Did you make the right decision?

I ended up choosing truTV. How could I not ? I get to watch beautiful women with a side order of drama on Rehab. I gotta say, one of the best decisions I have made in a while. I even watched the re-run just for the fun.

Was that comment intended to make us jealous? If so, it worked.

Originally, it was not meant to make you folks jealous, it was an actual dilemma that I was forced to address at the time, but thinking back on it now, it worked pretty well didn’t it?

What is yer new video game, incidentally?

Well, the new Tim Schafer game (who in my opinion is one of the funniest guys in the video game industry). Brutal Legend came out today, I went to the midnight release at the local game store, so I was able to curb my urges because I played that beast till 3 in the AM. I tend to function just fine on a few hours of sleep.

What are the three best video games of all time?

That is very hard thing to answer. I mostly play video games for the single player aspect, so they will be based on my favorite single player experiences These are all on the Microsoft console X-Box 360.

1. Grand Theft Auto 4 – Rockstar
2. Ninja Gaiden 2 – Team Ninja
3. Splosion Man – Twisted Pixel

What is the dumbest video game ever?

Most games that come out and coincide with a movie that is being released in theaters at the same time are usually terribly made and only sell because of the license development companies get with the movies. If you want proof, please type "E.T. the video game" into Google. Case in point.

Anything else you want to tell the world?

All the people on the Facebook page for truTV, please, for the love of all known deities that you may follow and believe in, if you do not like a particular show that the page is posting for, please do not ruin the experience for fans to get together and chat about their shows, it is thoroughly irritating.  Thank you, this has been a public service announcement. :P

Any sites of yours can we link to?

My personal blog that a friend and I have started – gamingsimplicity.blogspot.com

And a friend's blog that is the sister site to ours. He is trying to become a real gaming journalist, so hope he enjoys the plug :) – jags-corner.blogspot.com

Thanks Paul!

Large Hadron Collider 4 Dummies October 14, 2009 7:49 AM | permalink

The Large Hadron Collider is a massive subject for smarty pants, but with recent newsworthy events that read like bad Hollywood scripts, your dumb rump should be ready to haul out this hefty topic at cocktail parties. Here's all you need to know, below. 

1.  There's a giant underground machine beneath the ground near Geneva, Switzerland.  It has been riddled problems and has yet to be activated.  Some fear when it is switched on it will create a black hole that will swallow the earth.

2.  Watch the Large Hadron Rap (pictured) to get the gist of what it is about. Over five million nerds have already rocked out to it.

3.  Two scientists have just proposed that the LHC is fated to be doomed because the machine is evil and the future is coming back to stop it from ever being created.  Yes, just like in Back to the Future, except instead of getting McFly's parents to meet, something is trying to dismantle this machine.

4.  Another physicist named Franklin Felber says that the LHC can test hyperdrive space propulsion.  So, just like in Star Wars, we may soon be building our own Millennium Falcon's and opening an Arby's somewhere in M31.  "Soon" as in 100 years.

5.  And news just broke that one of the brilliant nuclear scientists working on the LHC was charged with plotting terrorist activities as an agent of Al Qaeda.  The scientist was allegedly looking to create his own "big bang" -- he wanted to help blow up an oil refinery the size of London and had a wish list of  assassination targets.  Nice. Makes black holes that suck up the universe seem downright cozy.

Big Fat Video Vat October 13, 2009 12:53 PM | permalink

OMGWTF Find for the Week: Two women with insanely annoying voices baby talk to an exotic animal floating in their bathtub for over five minutes.

The video quality is kinda suck, but this FAIL hotmix on ebaumsworld does not disappoint.

From the truTV channel on Metacafe, watch a delightful video of a daughter who pranks her father with a rigged toilet paper dispenser.

Nice little video of a  motorcycle slamming into the bikers it is supposed to be escorting.

Yes we've seen hockey-obsessed four-year-old Josh Sacco reciting the speech from the movie Miracle and yes it is adorable. Even better, on YouTube, someone replaced Kurt Russell's voice with Josh's and posted it.

Three Dumb Sticky Situations October 13, 2009 10:08 AM | permalink

STOP THE PRESSES: In Bixby, OK, a skunk got his head caught in a jar of peanut butter!  Includes a video and "The Skunk Whisperer" being interviewed while the animal ambles in the background like he's drunk. 

In New York, millions of state-issued registration stickers don't stick.  D'oh!

And in happy news, the duct-taped cat dubbed "Sticky" has been adopted, and the idiot who admitted to taping him has been arrested.  Calling the cat Sticky is kinda cruel though, no?  Would you call a cat who was burned Singe?

Dumb Criminal of the Week - Vote NOW! October 9, 2009 5:05 PM | permalink

Last week's poll was a super tight race between two twits, but with 1,870 votes in John Prentis, the guy who allegedly broke into a police chief's office and stole $1,000, was your pick for dumbest criminal of the week.

Now here's this week's nominees -- and this week, to help refresh your memories, all are pictured at left. Polls will be open for one week only!

MONDAY: Montana's Cookie Monster

TUESDAY: John Dumb

WEDNESDAY: Doctor Feel Bad

THURSDAY: Cell Blockhead

FRIDAY: Armed & Dangerously Dumb

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New Dumb Category: Alaska October 9, 2009 4:03 PM | permalink

Oh hey everybody, that mutilated carcass recently found on top of an office building in midtown Anchorage?  The one with the severed head and spinal column and stuff? 

Well no worries, it turns out it's just a moose.

Wait, why is a dismembered moose atop a roof in a business park?

Gee, you ask a lot of silly questions!

***

OK, I know Florida has long been the go-to comedy mine for dumb criminals and assorted oddness, but seems the Land of the Midnight Sun has been stepping up to the plate with a pu pu platter of priceless dumb news.  Like this.  And this. And of course, this.

So that's why we hereby introduce "Alaska" as a brand new category on this here blog.  Onward!  Let's head north to the future of dumb!

IMAGE: Alistair Moose Trophy, by Carrie Goller, $45 plus shipping here on Etsy.

Armed & Dangerously Dumb October 9, 2009 11:30 AM | permalink

After being arrested for attempted armed robbery, Christopher R. Voorhis, pictured, admitted that he was intoxicated, had a knife and was bent on stealing beer from a BP station, according to the report of his court appearance in Ocala, FL.

But Voorhis, 26, doesn't understand why the store owner beat him with a pipe, saying, "I was just trying to steal a beer, not money."

Which is kind of funny logic.  You do need to pay for beer with money, so yes, a brewski is like money, especially for a business owner.  I probably didn't need to explain that to you, dear reader.

Oh, and the point may be moot, because the owner who wielded the pipe says that Voorhis did demand money.  So, there's that. 

Voorhis says he was beaten about six times on his body, chased out of the store and the owner clobbered his car a few times, so hard that an airbag popped out.

Seems Vooris thinks robbers should only be pursued indoors saying, "I understand the man was upset, but he could've stopped when I left the store" and "I thought he went overboard."  So of course, I'm dying to know how many times he thinks someone like himself should be hit.  Three light whacks?  One swift one?

Here's my favorite quote from the article: "I never meant for anything to happen. It's just bad luck on my part...I'm hoping the charges will be reduced."

Yes of course, because when you enter a store with a knife to steal, you don't mean for anything to happen.  And certainly, this whole incident can be chalked up to bad luck, not your breathlessly bad decision making.  WHAT THE -- HOLY CROW, THIS DUDE MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT MY OWN HEAD IN WITH A PIPE TO STOP THE MADNESS.

OK sorry... but sometimes, even a professional dumb blogger like myself gets stunned by the stupid.

Related: Watch our amazing  5 Gutsiest Female Store Clerks below to see ladies open a can of whoop you-know-what on convenience store robbers. 

Cat Crap Causes Kookiness? October 9, 2009 9:40 AM | permalink

You probably know a crazy cat lady.  And maybe you've heard that pregnant women can get sick from a cat-bourne illness called toxoplasmosis.  But did you know that scientists think there might be something in kitty's poop that makes feline fiends act far out? 

Listen to the last segment on this episode of Radiolab and find out more.  And, um, step away from the litterbox...

Image: I took that pic of my hairdresser's Maine Coon cats.  Besides doing my tresses, he's also a world-renowned cat show judge.  He's brilliant.  Lovely. And yeah, he's pretty cracked.

Related: Our original, viral Maru the cat spoof called "Maru the Employee" featuring a guy who's watched one too many of the internet-famous cat clips.

Cell Blockhead October 8, 2009 2:13 PM | permalink

Stephanie Hull, pictured, used a stolen cell phone and called a bomb threat into her high school on September 18th that triggered a lockdown, according to police in Sparta, MI.

Seems that Hull, 18, failed to realize that mobile phones can act like little GPS transmitters, allowing cops to pinpoint their perky-looking suspect right to her bedroom. She was charged with one count of making a false report or threat of a bomb or harmful device and could face up to four years in prison.

She also faces false report of a felony charges for allegedly telling police that someone had swiped her phone, and then later admitting that it wasn't true.  During that time when she said she didn't have her phone but actually did, police say many on Hull's contact list received "threatening or harassing text messages from her phone."

Dumb protip: This is not what the friends and family program is for, people.

Crown Royally Dumb October 8, 2009 9:44 AM | permalink

Tonight at 9PM e/p you can catch a brand NEW episode of The Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest.

And stay tuned to this dumb blog, because as soon as we have a sneak peek clip from tonight's show, we'll be posting it here!

For now, enjoy this excellent clip of NY Yankee Joba Chamberlain's DUI pullover.

No, that's not Joba in the picture.  That's comedian Mike Trainor, making fun of Joba.  You can follow Mike on Twitter here.  And follow truTV on Twitter right over here -- where we tweet all our sneaks!