Dumb news: Getting every MLB mascot tattooed on your arm is dumb February 14, 2012 5:45 PM | permalink

Base cadet Would you like to meet a man who has a tattoo of every Major League Baseball mascot on his body? Me neither. This guy's just lucky our Dumbest Tattoos gallery was finished before we heard of him. [BroBible]

Draper-back writer Seriously, the rumor that Paul was dead was more plausible. [EW.com]

Anchor slammed If you're just an everyday looking schlub, even one who works for cable news, it's generally not a great idea to ask supermodel Kate Upton to be your Valentine on live TV. It's even dumber when you have a pregnant wife at home. [Uproxx]

Beef heart We gave you bacon roses last week, so why not steak roses for V-day? You knew this already, but the Internet is weird and gross. [DailyWh.at]

Anatomically correct valentines There are plenty of romantic or poetic ways to show your loved one that your heart belongs to them. Here are some dumb options if you want to go the more literal route. [Mental Floss]

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Dumb news: Another attack at Columbine High brings back bad memories February 13, 2012 5:30 PM | permalink

Please hammer, don't hurt 'em Whatever's in the water, get it checked out. [DenverChannel]

The thought only counts for so much If you someone really loves you, there are no bad Valentine's Day gifts. That being said, here are 10 gifts that might put that love to the test. [Huff Post Weird]

Con err If you're running for President you need to watch what you say. When Mitt Romney referred to himself as "severely conservative," Ryan Lizza complied this list of other things that had been described that way, including teachers who hit kids, the 2004 budget of Ghana, and reformed alcoholics. [The New Yorker]

Bolly wood If I got caught watching porn at work, I could probably just claim to be watching something someone forwarded me so I could do my job better. Of course, that's the kind of excuse that goes over a little better at Dumb As A Blog than it does from a member of the Indian government. [Slate]

Beast in show Do you like the story of Beauty and the Beast? I hope so, 'cause here come five more versions of it. [AV Club]

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Almost three million people have watched this February 13, 2012 5:00 PM | permalink

So you know, that's where we are.

As a country.

How are you?

The most insane Valentine's Day promos ever February 13, 2012 4:00 PM | permalink

                                          (photo: HappyPlace)
Valentine's Day is almost upon us! 

The birds are singing, the bells are ringin,g and every boy and girl is bursting at the seams with unbridled love for not merely the object of their affections, but for the world and everyone in it.

Or, barring that, men across the nation are wracking their brains for a good way to re-frame the way their wives and girlfriends look at them after Super Bowl Sunday. The orgies of drunkenness, gluttony, gambling and other more disgusting forms of male bonding that accompany that unofficial American holiday aren't pretty, and the time is NOW to remind the woman in your life that you're more than just a beer-swilling gorilla.

You're a beer swilling gorilla who LOVES her.

There are plenty of ways to get back on your beloved's good side, but unless you're dating a woman with an extremely heightened sense of irony, you can do a lot better than a Valentine's date at a cleavage-themed chicken restaurant. For more ridiculous promotions you'd be smart to avoid, check out the following photos:

[The most unromantic, bizarre, or borderline psychotic Valentine's Day promotions ever offered]

[Happy Place]

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Dumb news: Daniel Radcliffe on Harry Potter hook-ups February 10, 2012 5:19 PM | permalink

Muggle trouble Daniel Radcliffe talks about having sex with Harry Potter groupies. In case you actually read this, the spell for erasing your memory is "Obliviate." [NY Daily News]

Tso it goes  Businessman attempts to bring American Chinese food to a place it's never been...China. [Newsweek]

Lowered Expectations Enjoy the works of Charles Dickens? How about flume rides? Come one, come all, to Dickens World theme park. [New York Times]

Pepperoni, matrimony, same thing Quick! You have $10,000 dollars to spend and you want to pop the question to the perfect girl before Valentine's Day. Where do you want to do it? You said Pizza Hut, right? RIGHT? Of course you did. [Geekosystem]

Pipe down Are you going to court to defend yourself against a charge of crack-pipe possesion, three guesses on what you shouldn't bring with you to court? Actually, one guess. You can probably get it in one. [Huff Post Weird]

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Dumb news: Don't post evidence against yourself on Facebook February 9, 2012 5:00 PM | permalink

Doing Time(line) You know what's on my Facebook wall? Pictures of me holding my kid and cat. If I robbed a US Postal Service truck of almost 6 grand in cash, you know what would be on my Facebook wall? Pictures of me holding my kid, cat and a huge wad of cash. Wait, not the last thing. How hard is that? [The Smoking Gun]

Sound bite It's always great when a dog gets rescued from a frozen lake. But if you're interviewing an 85 pound mastiff for the local news, maybe trying to kiss him on the lips isn't so smart. [Huff Post Denver]

Valen-swines day We're still on the internet, right? Sigh. OK, I guess that means I'm contractually required to forward along a ridiculous thing somebody made out of bacon. [DC101]

Terror plot Yep. It's an "Osama bin Laden is a zombie" movie. I was disappointed with the trailer. I was really hoping tthe tagline would be: "For this zombie, shooting him in the head was just the begining."   [Daily Mail]

Dully Noted A singer who was famous for being bad at singing released an album and it's' #2 on the charts. I miss the good old days when you could just get famous for doing nothing at all. [CNN]

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Herzog on chickens: 'The enormity of their stupidity is overwhelming' February 7, 2012 7:00 PM | permalink

I can tell you that acclaimed documentarian and filmmaker Werner Herzog thinks chickens are dumb, but it's a lot more fun if he tells you himself:

 

Dumb news: naked man covered in chocolate and peanut butter arrested February 7, 2012 5:00 PM | permalink

Reeses-ting arrest As it happens, there is a wrong way to eat a Reeses. [The Smoking Gun]

Encyclopedia downer Maybe if Newt Gingrich's campaign worked as hard on winning primaries as his spokesman did re-editing his Wikipedia page, we'd be reading this on the moon. [Political Ticker]

Match made in heaven  Smartest band, meet smartest city. Wait, the opposite of that. [CNN]

Coopcakes Really? Your buffalo chicken wing cupcakes have not yet sold out and are still available? I'm shocked! (I am not shocked.) [Gothamist]

Significantly low expectations Happy 200th birthday, Charles Dickens! Now, what's the most natural way to celebrate a master of ornate, elaborate sentences? If you answered "boil down his works into a 140 character tweets" you're in luck. (BONUS DUMB: it took two authors to write this.)  [Mirror.UK]

Not remotely like a virgin Was the response to Madonna at the Super Bowl ageist? If so, I'm as guilty as anyone. [Forbes]

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Dumb news: man tries to rob bank using McDonald's apple pies as his weapon February 6, 2012 5:00 PM | permalink

Just desserts An unnamed suspect was arrested last Saturday after allegedly placing what he claimed was a bomb in front of a bank teller and demanding money. Police say the package turned out to be a McDonald's bag containing apple pies. If I was the teller, I would have given up the money too. Those things can really do a number on the roof of your mouth. [Sacramento Bee]

Rmoney talks They say a picture is worth a thousand words. In Mitt Romney's case, this one is worth...boy, how much is Romney worth again? He's a rich guy, is what I'm saying. Check out the picture.  [Happy Place]

Patriot games Perhaps unsurprisingly, "allowing an opponent to run the ball into your endzone unchallenged" remains a losing strategy in the Super Bowl. [Associated Press]

Running with the big dogs  If you tell me you are taking your dogs and your kid for a walk, am I automatically going to call you dumb? Probably not. Of course, the equation changes slightly if I don't know you have 42 huge Saint Bernards. [YouTube]

Randy travesty Country singer arrested for behaving like country song. [People]

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Dumb news: Wanted man chats with cops on Facebook February 3, 2012 5:00 PM | permalink

Antisocial networking If you're wanted by the police, maybe the smartest course of action isn't to chat up the sheriff's office on Facebook. Here's a sample: "lol Well i figure i may as well use the computer all i can now, i don't think they let you bring a laptop inside jail..." Nope. They sure don't. [Gizmodo]

Glutton for punishment Going to a Super Bowl party? Don't bring lion tacos. [Dumb As A Blog]

George Clone-y  Call me old fashioned, but I sort of think that the winner of a George Clooney look-a-like contest should not be able to easily and interchangeably also win a "Doughy Ewan Mcgregor look-a-like contest." [Pop Culture Brain]

Super bowl, schmooper bowl. Here's an update on El Wingador, Five time champion of the Philadelphia Wing Bowl. He doesn't do hot dogs. [BroBible]

Osama bun Laden  I guess the plan here is: thwart terrorist, wrap him in silver paper and throw him over 4 rows of seats to the waiting authorities? [Info Wars]

Go sit in the corner Why are teachers salaries so low? You guessed it. To help the kids. [NY Mag]

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