Dumb Caption Contest #3 November 18, 2008 9:00 AM | permalink

What can you say about a guy in a cow suit on strike? No, seriously, what can you say? We want to know. I have some ideas, but our crack legal team tells me I'm not eligible. Damn you crack legal team!!!

Use the comment section here to post your best caption between 9:00 a.m. ET 11/18/08 and 11:59 p.m. ET 11/25/08. Winner gets a fabulous, stupendous, Dumb as a Blog T-shirt for the low, low price of FREE! Wear it in good health, preferably in high pedestrian traffic areas.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY to enter or win the “Dumb As A Blog Caption Contest”. Contest open to legal residents of the 50 U.S. and D.C., age 18 or older. Subject to Official Rules and void where prohibited. Contest starts 9:00a.m. ET on 11/18/08; ends 11:59p.m. ET on 11/25/08. For Official Rules and entry information log on to http://www.trutv.com/blog_contest_rules.html. Sponsor: Courtroom Television Network LLC, d/b/a tru TV.

Russian Church's Fate Wholly Unorthodox November 14, 2008 4:48 PM | permalink

I'd show you a picture of the Church of the Resurrection from Central Russia near Moscow, but I can't. Nearby villagers seem to have sold it off, a brick at a time, to a local businessman. The former two-story building, last seen intact in July, went for a ruble a brick (about 4 cents). The Ivanovo-Voskresenskaya Diocese say they were planning to reopen the previously abandoned 200-year-old church for services, but had to table the idea. Still, they acknowledge if things change they could always resurrect it.

For a replica Russian Orthodox cross, be sure to check out Cross Crafter. I'm not making that up.

Winner Dumb Caption Contest #2! November 14, 2008 9:02 AM | permalink

Nothing like a headless mermaid to get the old creative juices flowing. Thanks to the 84 of you who submitted captions. Your senses of humor, originality and misogyny were all in evidence.

Many submissions merit honorable mention. There were those related to "The Little Mermaid," like "And so... the fight between The Little Mermaid and Queen of Hearts came to a head" and those that were of a sexual nature, often referring to a sex act that rhymes with the word head (and in fact is the word "head"). We also enjoyed the caption, "Forget my head, how do yo like my clam?" but since there was no actual clam in the picture, it was technically only a single entendre and not a double. Otherwise, you totally would have won.

For us, the winner, at least after we explained it to everyone, was Joe's "Accident free for 732... oh, um since this morning." It was unique, unexpected and made us chuckle. Congrats, Joe! You're the winner of a damn handsome T-shirt.

Keep an eye out for our next contest and be sure to enter. In this troubled economy, who couldn't use a free T-shirt?

'Hannah Montana' Hot Air Knocks Out Power in 5 Block Radius November 11, 2008 11:48 AM | permalink

A Miami neighborhood lost power this morning when a singing "Hannah Montana" balloon scared a flock of birds perched on a power line. That's right, I said a singing balloon. I assume it's like those birthday cards that play the same segment of a song over and over, but since I've never seen, or even heard of, a singing balloon until this very moment, I really can't elaborate. Perhaps Miley Cyrus, who plays Montana, was herself in a low-altitude hot air balloon with a karaoke machine, but I think the article would have been clearer on the point.

An estimated 300 birds were chilling on the power line near Jose De Diego Middle School when the balloon ascended to the tune of "The Best of Both Worlds." Whether all the birds suddenly had to fly south (doubtful, as they were already in Miami) or, like me, simply share an aversion to 'tween rock, no one can say, but somehow the birds damaged the power line when they vamoosed simultaneously.

Origins of the balloon were unknown, but my guess is that a singing "Hannah Montana" balloon was no doubt forged in the pits of hell. Nevertheless, click here to order "Hannah" balloons like the one pictured!

Only Two Days Left! November 10, 2008 5:28 PM | permalink

To enter our dumb caption contest. Click here for details.

Dumb Caption Contest #2! November 6, 2008 9:00 AM | permalink

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't you win a free Dumb as a Blog T-shirt? Good question. Not really, but here's your second chance to sport a fabulously soft, incredibly cool, infinitely dumb shirt. All that's required is a little brain power and a tendency toward wiseassiness.

Notice how the shirt almost begs one to vogue a la Charlie's Angels?

Just enter your best caption for the picture at top in the comments section below, and we'll pick our favorite. Entries must be received before 12:00 midnight ET Wednesday November 12, 2008. 

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY to enter or win the “Dumb As A Blog Caption Contest”. Contest open to legal residents of the 50 U.S. and D.C., age 18 or older. Subject to Official Rules and void where prohibited. Contest starts 9:00a.m. ET on 11/6/08; ends 11:59p.m. ET on 11/12/08. For Official Rules and entry information log on to http://www.trutv.com/blog_contest_rules.html. Sponsor: Courtroom Television Network LLC, d/b/a tru TV.

Stupid-cali-fragi-listic-expi-ali-docious November 5, 2008 3:47 PM | permalink

George Garratt, 19, of Glastonbury, England, just spent $20 online to change his name to "Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk and the Flash Combined." He says the name is official and may be the longest one ever. It's certainly the most insecure, untrue, least-likely-to-suit-you-as-you-get-older and the dumbest.

Way to go C.F.F.T.S.S.B.W.H.A.T.F.C. Your family must be proud. Oh wait, your grandma stopped speaking to you.

Thanks for the tip to Pete Super News Scourer Smarter Than Einstein Faster Than Hawking Combined. No, it's not an official name, but Pete's $20 richer.

Trick or Meth November 4, 2008 4:41 PM | permalink

Lars and Shelly Brosdahl of Ramsey, MN found an unexpected "treat" among their seven-year-old's Halloween candy: methamphetamine and $85 cash. The boy says an older kid asked if he wanted some candy and then dropped the illicit stuff in his bag. The Brosdahls took the drugs to cops, who confirmed it was crystal meth, possibly spiked with Kit-Kats.

Thanks to Sam for haunting up the story.

Hamster on a Piano November 3, 2008 1:24 PM | permalink

Perfect Game, Defective Heart October 31, 2008 2:56 PM | permalink

Sixty-two year-old Don Doane of Ravenna, MI had just bowled his first ever perfect game. While high-fiving his teammates, he keeled over dead from a heart attack. Sure it's good to go out on top, but it's not good to get so excited about rolling a ball down a lane that your heart stops. Just think, if he'd only bowled a 299 he might still be alive today. Woe be to him who seeks perfection.

Florida's Members of the Voting Pubic October 31, 2008 12:55 PM | permalink

Nudism is all well and good, but does it really have to be a 24-7 thing? Can't nudists put on shorts for 20 minutes to vote for a presidential candidate without violating some unwritten creed? Not according to members of a nudist community in Florida's Pasco County, north of Tampa, who have requested a clothing-optional polling site. Good luck with that.

Of all the national problems facing us, airing out the tackle while exercising your right to vote is not one of them. I admit pants are confining, but so is a two-party system. Just deal with it quickly and go back to your volleyball game.

Dumb Move October 29, 2008 4:33 PM | permalink

Just saw this video, originally from Break.com, on Pwned Video, a site I think is a true guilty pleasure. 
I can't decide if the guys are stupid or trying to mess this car up. The video cuts off before anyone gets too pissed. Please use the comments to let me know if you think it's real dumb or real fake. Much obliged.

Kellogg's Flakes October 27, 2008 11:41 AM | permalink

Nothing smacks of renewal like a fresh class of management students getting together for a few drinks at a nice venue, networking, having some more drinks, discussing competing business models, pounding more drinks, throwing stuff at the T. Rex bones and passing out.

New students at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management recently attended a party at the Field Museum in Chicago, home of the Tyrannosaurus Rex fossil known as Sue, when things turned prehistoric. The night at the museum went awry when students got wasted, threw up on themselves and on the floor, spit at each other, threw stuff at Sue and passed out in heavily trafficked areas.

A student leader made no bones about condemning the conduct, sending an email admonishing those who participated. Kellogg spokesperson Megan Washburn apologized for the incident, admitting, "It's not the standard  students hold themselves to at Kellogg."

Good thing.

Bras Get Detroit Commuters in a Bunch October 24, 2008 1:23 PM | permalink

Detroit radio station WKQI-FM challenged listeners to donate 5,000 bras to charity. If they did, a local jeweler would contribute $5,000 to cancer research and the station would donate the bras to local homeless and women's shelters. Personally, I think this project, dubbed Bras for a Cause, provides a valuable service to women in need. I'm also thankful it didn't devolve into some silly, puerile display for little boys' amusement like so many morning radio stunts.

Oh wait, did I mention they strung the bras together and hung them from an overpass causing huge traffic delays all morning on I-696? Not sure how airing bras out over a major highway improves their condition for the homeless, but maybe I don't understand cause I'm a guy and haven't worn a bra in years.

No pics of the stunt have surfaced, yet, though I'm sure it's just a matter of time before our A, B, C, D, Double D and triple E cups runneth over with photos.

Picture above is from a similar radio stunt in Montreal that collected 67,000 bras. Mmm, French-Canadian bras.

And the Winner of Our First Ever Caption Contest Is... October 21, 2008 2:33 PM | permalink

Last week we asked for your best captions to the picture at left. In exchange, we offered a smart lookin' Dumb as a Blog T-shirt.

And the winner is...

Hello God? If you can hear me I just wanted to say I find my job here at the Telephone Company unfulfilling. I guess I always expected to do big things. Could you please give me a sign of what I should be doing with my life?

Not the shortest caption we've ever read, Marti, but still, pretty funny. Congratulations.

Honorable mentions go to the oft submitted variations on, "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?" and Alex's, "The '80s called... it want's its mobile phone back."

To everyone else, stay tuned for more contests and chances to win!

Is That a Shrimp Down Your Pants or Are You Just A Little Happy to See Me? October 20, 2008 12:52 PM | permalink

Normally, when a guy's looking to impress, he might shove a banana or salami down his pants. But I guess, at around eight dollars a pound, shrimp is tempting, too. For all I know the package was marked, "Jumbo."

Joseph Young, 32, of Bradenton, FL was shopping when an off-duty detective says he noticed a slight baby bump. When confronted, Young (pictured) allegedly admitted the theft, removed the frozen shrimp, offered to return it and  then bolted for the door, only to be tackled and hit with a variety of charges.

Personally, whenever people ask if I have a shrimp down my pants I deny it, but maybe I'm just insecure.

To learn how to prepare shrimp for freezing, click here.

Time is Running Out... October 17, 2008 11:47 AM | permalink

Entries for the inaugural Dumb as a Blog Caption Contest are due by noon on Monday. Get yours in now for a chance to win a free T-shirt! See the original post for details.

This picture can't caption itself, people.

Girls (And Prosecutors) Gone Wild October 17, 2008 8:00 AM | permalink

Two stories a day apart. First, in Pinckney, MI a 14-year-old girl sent nude photos of herself to friends, supposedly as a joke, on their cell phones. I'm sure readers will be shocked to learn the pictures were subsequently distributed to as many at 200 kids.

Yes, sending naked pictures of yourself is kinda dumb, but not as dumb as the Sheriffs Department that wants to charge the girl and her friends with misdemeanor child pornography distribution and possession. Personally, I think they'll have a tough time convicting the girl of possession for having naked pictures of herself. I mean she can pretty much see herself naked any time she wants, so it's not clear how having the image on her phone is a criminal offense.

But lest you think this an isolated incident, a 15-year-old Newark, NJ girl at, I'm not making this up, Licking Valley High, has been charged with child pornography for sending nude pics of herself to friends. If convicted she could be classified as a sex offender for up to 20 years. She faces felony counts for illegal use of a minor in "nudity-oriented material" and for possession of criminal tools (i.e., her cell phone). Again, I'm not clear how a minor can be charged with exploiting herself as a minor, but maybe Licking Valley has sharper legal minds than I.

All I really know is that school has changed a lot since I was a student.

Thanks to Nando and Sam for their dual hot tips. Thx!

3 Months Jail Time for Sex on the Beach October 16, 2008 11:57 AM | permalink

Welcome to Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. Check out the landmark Deira Clock Tower. Attend the Dubai Desert Rock Festival or the International Film Festival. Have sex on the beach and go to jail.

A British couple has been sentenced to 3 months in jail for allegedly having sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the Schnapps and Vodka drink. Michelle Palmer and Vince Acors of the UK met at an all-you-can-drink champagne brunch and proceeded to make-out on the beach. While prosecutors claimed they had sex, the couple say they were just kissing and hugging. They faced up to 2 years jail time for the alleged offense and have appealed the decision.

After news of the verdict, tourism to Dubai skyrocketed.

Just kidding.

Grave Injustice October 16, 2008 9:00 AM | permalink

A 77-year-old man near Gatineau, Quebec was digging by his parents' grave site when a tombstone fell over and killed him. Wonder what he'd want his gravestone to read now? Suggestions welcome in the comments section.

Also, don't forget to enter the Dumb as a Blog inaugural Caption Contest! Win a free T-shirt and be the envy of all your friends who don't have free T-shirts.

The Moose Is Loose (Or at Least the Net Holding Him to the Helicopter Is) October 15, 2008 11:23 AM | permalink

File this under Tragi-Comic. Or Moose, I guess -- that would work, too. Seems some Nova Scotia wildlife officers had a cure that was a darn sight worse than the problem they were trying to address. Officers claim a moose in Pictou County was POTENTIALLY going to cause a traffic accident. The moose had not yet caused a traffic accident, but somehow wildlife officers felt confident it was toying with the idea.

Anyway, to avoid Nova Scotians being unable to drive safely wherever Nova Scotians have to drive, wildlife officials shot the moose with a tranquilizer dart, then hooked it up to a helicopter and transported it to a trailer for ultimate release back in the wild. Unfortunately, when the moose reached the trailer it was already dead. Why? Wildlife officers say they hadn't properly secured the sling to the helicopter on lift-off and the moose had dropped approximately 12-15 feet before being resecured. They conceded that the fall "may have contributed" to the moose's death. You think?

How bad was that moose's last day, huh? It wanders into town -- still not sure if it even wants to cause a traffic accident, gets shot with a dart, is dropped from the air, then gets flown around beneath a helicopter which, for a moose, I suspect, is a tad unnatural/stressful. Perhaps it died when it saw they were taking it to a trailer instead of a nice mountain stream somewhere.

Anyway, as I say, "Tragi-comic." Or "Moose." Either one.

Always Use a Spotter, Just Never Use This Guy October 14, 2008 12:25 PM | permalink

Okay, so I just found this site called Pwned Video that totally delivers on its name. Most of the clips are pulled from YouTube and involve painful intersections of people with treadmills, but for a quick, painful dose of schadenfreude it's a definite first stop.

Dumb as a Blog Caption Contest #1 October 14, 2008 9:00 AM | permalink

Like to look at stupid pictures and come up with captions that make people think you’re smart and funny when really you just have too much time on your hands? Well here’s your chance! Add your best caption in the Comments section below and we’ll name our favorite the winner. Sure we’re all winners, but the actual winner will get a wicked-cool Dumb as a Blog T-shirt pictured here.

These shirts are soft, hip and a surefire chick/dude magnet depending on your preference. Entries must be received by 12:00 noon ET Monday October 20, 2008.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY to enter or win the “Dumb As A Blog Caption Contest”. Contest open to legal residents of the 50 U.S. and D.C., age 18 or older. Subject to Official Rules and void where prohibited. Contest starts 9:00a.m. ET on 10/14/08; ends 12:00p.m. ET on 10/20/08. For Official Rules and entry information log on to http://www.trutv.com/blog_contest_rules.html. Sponsor: Courtroom Television Network LLC, d/b/a tru TV

Lone Star State Bans Fish Chewing Pedicures October 8, 2008 2:33 PM | permalink

Yes, I know the title doesn't make any sense, but then neither does the idea of fish eating away the dead skin on your feet as a type of pedicure spa treatment (watch video here). Frankly, the whole report sounds fishy, but the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation felt the practice, known as "fish pedicures" or "doctor fish," needed to be banned.

Citing spas' inability to disinfect fish tanks and the chance for fish to spread disease dining on multiple feet, the TDLR, as I like to call it, decided to put its foot down. This despite the fact that no place in Texas currently offers the treatment. Huh?

Flash Us Your Tats! October 7, 2008 11:14 AM | permalink

The problem with getting a tattoo is you may regret it years later.

Aaron Evans, 21, is already ruing his bit of skin art. He pleaded guilty to attempted auto theft after he was caught breaking into a police bait car in Bristol, UK. His escape was hampered by the fact that a large tattoo, which featured his name and date of birth, was etched on his neck with dark ink, perfectly framed for police cameras.

Insanely Obvious Tip for Criminals #248: If you can't remember your name and birthday, write it on a piece of paper and keep it in your pocket; don't engrave it on your neck above your shirt line. As my mother would say, it may keep you from being on the Supreme Court someday.

For awesome footage of stupid criminals stealing camera laden cars, check out video from truTV's "Bait Car" series available on line 24-7 ET / 21-10 PT.

Top 10 Lamest Celebrity Excuses October 6, 2008 12:47 PM | permalink

Check out the truTV Library's Spotlight today for an awesome photo gallery of the lamest excuses offered by celebs who tangled with the law. From Tom Sizemore's That Ain't My Whizzinator to Winona's I Was Just Rehearsing a Role, it's like a greatest hits of implausible alibis from the rich and famous. Don't miss it!

Economic Crisis Affects Everyone October 3, 2008 9:27 AM | permalink

Franklin, WI resident Steven Hanke (pictured), has been hit hard by the current housing slump and impending global economic collapse. He's petitioned a county court to extend its September 22 deadline to sell his home, which is still on the market, despite being offered at $5,000 less than he paid just over a year ago.

Hanke bought the house in June 2007, not realizing the city had just passed an ordinance prohibiting registered sex offenders from living within 2,000 feet of a place where children may gather. Henke, 55, was convicted of sexual assault in 1996.

He's been ordered to sell, but says he can't afford to at this time. I'm telling you, what does it say about our current economy when a sex offender can't turn an honest profit on his house? Things are tough all over.

Marked for Failure OR In Yo Face, Inyokern October 1, 2008 9:00 AM | permalink

Donald Dejarnette, 34, and four others from Kern County, CA have been arrested on suspicion of stealing dollar bills from a restaurant's walls. But this is no ordinary "check out the first dollar I ever made" kind of eatery. Seems the Homestead in Inyokern, CA, closed now for over a year, used to have people leave notes on dollar bills and stick them to the walls. Dejarnette and his friends allegedly stole $8,000 worth of the bills -- no small feat.

No smart feat either when Dejarnette used some of the purloined paper to pay a court fine; bills that had subtle identifying writing on them like, "Homestead" and other buzz words locals recognized immediately. Insanely Obvious Tip for Dumb Criminals #347: Don't use stolen cash to settle court debts!

Picture from a Florida pub that claims to have $750,000 in singles adorning its walls. More pics of another pub with $550,000 also posted. Guess it beats painting every year. Can you say fire hazard?

Mail Pattern Dumbness September 30, 2008 3:45 PM | permalink

Here's another insanely obvious tip for dumb criminals: If you're going to keep stolen stuff in a storage unit, make sure the unit is paid up! That goes doubly for someone like Jill Mary Hull of Howell, MI who, postal investigators say, used her storage unit to house more than 5,000 pieces of embezzled mail.

Court documents allege Hull worked as a mail carrier for three years, filling in for other carriers on their days off. Hull  told investigators she couldn't hack the job, but needed the paycheck, so when she couldn't finish her deliveries she just kept the excess mail in her car and drove around.

But don't worry, incompetence like that has a way of resurfacing. After leaving the U.S. Postal Service in August, she allegedly took the undelivered mail and put it in a storage unit she rented. Too bad she hadn't paid the monthly bill since 2007. Oops.

Thanks to Sam for this special delivery!

It's Got to be a Joke, Right? Right? September 29, 2008 11:30 AM | permalink

that gets thrown around a lot these days. I throw it at this instructional video from a Japanese TV show featuring the Zuiikin Girls. Don't wait for a punchline. It ain't coming.