Fat Chance March 16, 2010 12:57 PM | permalink

Thomas Althoff, pictured, was arrested, patted down and thrown into a Florida jail for driving with a suspended license.  While we at Dumb As A Blog believe driving with a suspended license is extremely stupid, most folks know such poorly-planned behavior is practically a residential requirement for 25% of the Sunshine State’s population.

But I digress. What’s different about Althoff, 33, is that, according to deputies, he was caught snorting Xanax in his cell, a drug he later admitted to smuggling into jail under the fat rolls of his stomach.

While that trick is impressive, nothing beats the 600 pound man who allegedly smuggled a 9mm gun into a Houston, TX jail between fat layers.

Althoff is also charged with possessing contraband in jail.

Comments

[Susan]

Ewwww. Do you know the percentage of obese people who have a fungus growing in their fat folds? No? Well I don't know the statistic either, but still, it is just too gross to consume a Xanax that recently resided in a fat fold.

[andersmh123]

this man needs some real intervention at multiple levels to save him from his self. May God guide him upon the path of right..so there is no confusion I speak of the Father of Jesus.

[April]

Does his chin have it's own fat roll or is that a drool stain?

[aersixb9]

One thing I think a lot of people overlook about jail sentences is that most people in jail receive additional sentences, like this guy. One thing lifers do to new guys is hide drugs/weapons on them, and get them into trouble for things like defending themselves from rape. The guards allow this, since more prisoners = more job security for the guards. Thus, pretty much every crime that allows for incarceration (misdemeanor+) is pretty much a life sentence, since the guards and inmates will be sure to increase your sentence. The inmates do it for favor from the guards, and so their new "cell buddy" sticks around for the rest of their life.

[Susan]

Hey aersixb9,

You sound an awful like someone who has been "bitched" or you know someone who has been "bitched." Being bitched of course means being sentenced under a habitual offender statute. (Maybe you were thinking it meant being made some guard's 'girl'??) In many states, three strikes, you're out. A single simple misdemeanor with no other crimes committed (including while incarcerated) will NOT result in a life sentence. Your comment sounds like someone who thinks it is just soooooooo unfair to get caught and punished.

[brian]

ok, well someone said they were concerned with the mold issue in this mans fat role and taking a xanax from it. i would be more concerned with the fact that he snorting xanax in the first place.

[Batsu]

While fat-fold-fungus-drugs are gross, it is probably downright refreshing compared to the aftertaste on drugs smuggled via the usual orifice.

[Randy Darrah]

I would have given him some money and had him smuggle in a pizza for me.

[Susan]

Ewwww Batsu. You are right; that would be grosser yet!