Interview: Sam Apple, Author American Parent
Sam Apple (pictured) is the editor-in-chief of The Faster Times and author of Schlepping Through the Alps which was a finalist for the PEN/Martha Albrand Award for First
Nonfiction. Apple’s work has appeared in a variety of publications,
including The New York Times, Financial Times, and ESPN The Magazine.
His latest book, American Parent: My Strange and Surprising Adventures in Babyland, explores the history of baby-rearing along with Apple's own hilarious and personal take on being plunged into the oft bizarre world of modern parenthood.
First the facts: How many kids do you have? Ages?
Three -- ages three, one, and one. I don't remember what sleep is.
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done as a parent?
That's a tough one. So many to choose from. Leaving the $700 stroller my father-in-law bought for us in Target is up there.
What is the kookiest facet of modern parenting you discovered while researching your book?
Well $700 strollers themselves are pretty kooky. But it's not just about strollers. Parents -- myself included -- are spending a lot of money on kooky toys and gadgets. One my favorites -- though I don't own one, alas -- is the Potty Monkey that is supposed to teach your children how to use the bathroom. It calls out to be taken to the bathroom periodically, and if you ignore it, it eventually announces that it has had an accident.
You once poured baby shampoo into your own eyes? Please graph and
explain. No seriously, just explain.
I know it sounds like the dumbest thing of all time -- and, indeed, it might be -- but there was some logic to it. I had noticed that despite using "no tears" shampoo, my son always cried when we shampooed him. It occurred to me that though the shampoo makers said it didn't hurt, we really couldn't be so sure, since babies can't talk. There was only one way to find out... And, sure enough, it stings.
There’s been an explosion of toys, music and classes engineered to make babies smarter. Have you tried any of these and do you think a kid whose mom plays tambourine in a circle with them before they are a year old has an intellectual leg up? Basically, do toys and classes engineered to make kids smarter work?
No, I don't think they work. A good rule of thumb is that if a toy or class or kids show claims to be "developmental," it's almost certainly b.s. But I don't think that that's necessarily reason to abandon all the toys or classes. The classes can still be fun and the products, if they keep your baby occupied for a while, can help get you through some tough parenting moments. We've taken music classes with our kids not because I expect them to be great musicians -- or musicians at all -- but because they seem to have fun shaking the little instruments -- okay, mostly they just suck on the instruments. The classes would actually be much better if the teachers weren't forced to pretend like they were educational.
According to a professor quoted in the NY Times “I.Q. has risen sharply over time…Half the population of 1917 would be considered mentally retarded by today’s measurements.” So if not the new-fangled baby learnin’, what accounts for this?
This one is far outside my area of expertise. I think it's possible that the complexity of life in the modern world makes a difference. But I think we can safely say it's not the new-fangled baby learning. If there is a way to make babies smarter, no one has figured it out yet.
Is it true that natural childbirth is actually a Stalinist plot?
Sort of. The Lamaze Method does come from Stalinist Russia. It used to be known as the Pavlov Method. To make a long story very short, the Soviets wanted more women to have babies and they didn't have many drugs to ease the pain. The government pressured scientists into coming up with a pain-free natural birth program and the scientists then explained how it worked using Soviet--approved scientific theories that had been discredited decades earlier.
You found that there may be “a universal theory that can explain the origins of circumcision in many diverse cultures.” Well there may be time travelers amongst us or a as of yet undiscovered all-natural calorie-free version of Alfredo sauce. There may be lots of things… cough up some answers, Apple!
Well, I mean, something has to explain how so many different cultures came up with something so nutso on their own. Though there are plenty of theories, no one knows for sure. My own best guess is that it has something to do with a universal urge to make sacrifices to a higher power in exchange for rewards. If you really want to prove to God that you're serious about your sacrifice, you have to do something extreme. And circumcision is almost as extreme as you can get. You can go further. And some cultures have sacrificed children. But cultures that did that didn't tend to stick around for so long.
I think “family bed” is for parents who are weak-willed and can’t say no, resulting in the parents rarely getting nookie and nobody getting any sleep. But family bed practitioners think anyone who would boot their kid out of bed and leave them to cry it out are cruel humans who are permanently despoiling their kid’s self-esteem. So be honest, who’s right?
Well, I think you're closer to being right. I think people should sleep with their kids if they want to and that it can be a wonderful thing -- yada yada. But there's no evidence one way or the other as to how it might affect someone years later.
According to your book’s PR “Revenue from the sale of baby products
has almost tripled since the mid-1990s, and the average American
child now receives seventy new toys a year.” What could account for
this sudden rise?
There are a lot of different theories and it's probably a combination of a lot of different factors: women tend to buy more of these products and moms now have more income and economic independence than ever before; people are having kids when they're older and have more disposal income; Americans were on a spending spree that only came to an end very recently. I think the biggest factor is probably the more sophisticated marketing to parents. I made the mistake of entering our son's birthday on some website and three year's later I'm still getting emails about what products he needs.
Before motherhood I once looked at a friend’s toddler scarfing down french fries at a diner and said I would never let mine do that. Flash ahead to now, and if I actually get to eat out in public with child, I am willing to give fries I.V. as a way to keep the kid happy and actually have a conversation. Is there anything you swore you would never do as a parent but now do?
I've definitely let my kids watch more baby videos than I thought would. When all three of them are screaming, the choice sometimes feels like Baby Einstein or suicide. I mean, who cares if it makes your kid smarter. Baby Einstein is really for parents.
You live in Park Slope, Brooklyn, a place that seems to have more strollers than mold spores. Do you feel heightened parenting pressure being surrounded by so many savvy urban parents?
The only time I've really felt the pressure is with respect to the lunches I make for my son. It seems like the other kids are all eating things like almond-crusted crepes filled with summer vegetables and sprinkled with fresh lemon juice. Can a crepe be almond-crusted? I just made that example up. The point is, they are eating fancy things I can barely pronounce and my son is eating peanut butter sandwiches on weirdly shaped -- something always seems to go wrong when remove the crust -- slices of bread.
What was your wildest experience researching your book?
I think it was probably when I went on a stakeout with a professional nanny spy. Like every dumb guy, I'd always dreamed of being on a stakeout. But it's sort of hard to sustain the fantasy of being on a topic secret, life-or-death, mission when you're sitting in a van waiting to see if a nanny puts a hat on a baby or not.
What’s the smartest advice you can offer to new or expecting parents?
Be skeptical of all the claims you hear for baby products or classes. The products and classes can be fun and useful, but when they claim to help your baby develop or become smarter, etc., there's usually very little -- or nothing -- to substantiate the claims.
Photo credits: Author image by Aaron Liebman; Joseph Stalin from the Library of Congress online catalog; baby and toys by Susie Felber; Sam Apple and his son by Morgan Levy
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