The Blob Remade - As A Documentary? July 15, 2009 5:05 PM | permalink

In the grossest news out of the Chukchi Sea since someone actually named a body of water "Chukchi," a 12 mile long slick of mysterious goop has been spotted off the north coast of Alaska.  According to the article, it's "thick and dark and gooey" and "definitely not an oil product of any kind." So what is it? Either nobody knows, or members of the Alaska Coast Guard have never seen Creepshow 2:

I know a horror movie script when I see one, and they all include lines exactly like those found in the article:

"If it was something we'd seen before, we'd be able to say something about it. But we haven't ...which prompted concerns from the local hunters and whaling captains."

"It's pitch black when it hits ice and it kind of discolors the ice and hangs off of it," (A government official) said. He saw some jellyfish tangled up in the stuff, and someone turned in what was left of a dead goose -- just bones and feathers -- to the borough's wildlife department.

"From the air it looks brownish with some sheen, but when you get close and put it up on the ice and in the bucket, it's kind of blackish stuff ... (and) has hairy strands on it."

In fact, why don't we close with a quote that actually is from a horror movie, specifically, the last line from the 1958 horror classic "The Blob"

Lieutenant Dave: I think you should send us the biggest transport plane you have, and take this thing to the Arctic or somewhere and drop it where it will never thaw.
Lieutenant Dave: At least we've got it stopped.
Steve Andrews: Yeah, as long as the Arctic stays cold.

Um, so, just for fun, I wonder how that whole global warming thing is affecting the Arctic?

Crap.

That's what I thought.