Resolutions...
You'd think that New Year's would be a big day for dumb news, given all the drunkenness the night before. Weirdly though, it's a slow day. Maybe like me, everybody's too groggy to report it. Or, it could be that all of the world's dummies have decided to turn over a new leaf, and not engage in the kind of stupid behavior that might get them written up on blogs like this.
I realize that is an unlikely option.
Just in case though, I thought I'd present some resolutions for some of the unfortunates we have written about on this blog, in order to make them slightly less stupid in the year to come.
We, the sad subjects of Dumb as a Blog hereby resolve in 2009 to...
Garden with our clothes on.
Have sex on a table, not with one.
Stop playing racquetball in the house.
Celebrate a soccer victory with a moment of quiet dignity.
Eat Cheetos, not worship them.
Buy a fruit bowl.
Get a hands-free cell phone.
The list could go on and on.
Happy New Year, all!
