Man Who Has Sex With Table Gets 6 Months
An Ohio man who went out onto his deck and had sex with his metal picnic table multiple times between January and March of this year, has been sentenced to six months in jail.
Art Price Jr, pictured, admitted to this. A tipster dropped off three DVD's showing this. And according to cops, he also admitted to having intercourse with the table inside the home.
In fact, if the married father of three had not decided to take his amour outside of the house, which happens to be in plain view of an elementary school, chances are that he could've continued to see his flat-chested friend indefinitely.
Instead, thanks to the mysterious Deep Throat of the lawn furniture world, and the tireless work of the police, Art is off to prison.
Wish I could be a fly on the wall when an inmate asks him, "What are you in for?"
Final dumb thoughts:
This guy gives new meaning to the word tabletop.
Having sex with a metal picnic table in the middle of an Ohio winter sounds more dangerous than sticking your tongue to a flag pole.
If you are seeing a table, and you go out to dinner, does it get jealous you are with other tables?
Was there something wrong with his HANDS?
ROFL!
Posted by: Brat | 12/30/08 4:01PM
OMFG!!!!
That is one of the funniest and saddest things I have ever read. Really.
How exactly does one..."do it with a table"? LOL
I am sending this to every one I know.
Posted by: TessMcg | 01/05/09 9:42AM
what the hell
Posted by: halo | 01/05/09 3:59PM
hes a lonitec
Posted by: halo | 01/06/09 10:02AM
what the hell
Posted by: halo | 01/06/09 10:02AM
If an elementary school was in full view from him, then he was in full view of the elementary school so I don't think 6 months is long enough for the sick pervert.
Posted by: sparks | 01/07/09 10:01AM
It says he was married... sooooo... what, his wife wasn't giving him any so he thought "Hmmmmmm this table looks mighty sexy.. and it can't reject me. Come here you big piece of metal you!" O.o
Posted by: Ivy | 01/07/09 10:02AM
I wonder if he wore protection?
Posted by: Hmmm | 01/08/09 9:46AM
The guy was on his own property exercizing his right to persue happiness using his own appliance. If he were going over to the neighbors' house and raping their lawn furniture, it would be a different story.
As odd as his behavior may seem, I can't see where any crime was comitted. If you don't want to see a guy humping a table, don't look. If anyone should be arrested, it should be the voyer with the the camera who was invading his privacy.
Posted by: Joe | 01/08/09 9:50AM
Susannah-Do you honestly think if someone showed up to the police or called only saying this guy was doing it and not showing evidence that they would have done something about? The police might have thought it was a joke. And there is no privacy if he is outside!! If he was private about it he could have continued his affair.
Posted by: Emily McAdams | 01/08/09 12:10PM
do people read the article before they post?
"In fact, if the married father of three had not decided to take his amour outside of the house, which happens to be in plain view of an elementary school" There is the crime and this is what he was charged with "Price pleaded 'no contest' to disseminating harmful material to juveniles and public indecency." Seems fair lol
Posted by: Emily McAdams | 01/08/09 12:10PM
o-emm-gee
you fuckin lmoas.....
Posted by: suki | 03/04/09 2:10PM
He's qualified to become governor of South Carolina or possibly Montana with that one..
Posted by: Augus Ballz | 06/24/09 1:33PM
The police investigators find a bunch of Ikea catalogs from 1998 to 2009 near his bed. Many pages in the bedside table and patio table were missing !!! Mmmmm Strange !?!
Posted by: Unhuman Emperor | 07/05/09 9:17AM