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'Drunk' Driver Doesn't Have a Case

JesusJesus Perez, pictured, crashed into six parked cars early Monday morning, removed the license plates and walked away from his vehicle, according to police in Springfield, MA.

And how did cops crack this case so quickly?  Perez, 26, allegedly removed a case of beer from his trunk that dropped and cracked as he made his getaway.  Sgt. John M. Delaney said they simply, "followed the trail of broken beer bottles" to find their suspect.

Speaking of "Springfield" doesn't he remind you of a certain somebody from The Simpsons?

In any event, he is charged with operating under the influence of alcohol, leaving the scene of a property damage accident and operating after suspension.

We've Got a Situation on Coney Island...

MTV plays episodes nonstop... They've been on every major late night talk show... They've inspired countless YouTube parodies...And now, the cast of Jersey Shore has brought about the inevitable: a minor league baseball theme night.

Jersey sure On July 21, the Brooklyn Cyclones will host "Jersey? Sure!" night. If the smoldering picture on the website of Sandy the Seagull's head Photoshopped onto The Situation's abs isn't enough to lure you to the game, how about these details for the event:

  • The first 2,500 attendees will receive a "high quality mesh" jersey with the words "Jersey? Sure!" above a picture of a fist-pumping Sandy on it
  • There will be "Dugout Dance Battles" between innings
  • Stylists will be offering free blowouts to fans (fingers crossed that Pauly D will be involved)
  • Lucky winners will receive "Gym, tan, laundry" giveaway packs

aaaaaaaaand last but not least,

  • Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino may just make an appearance as he's being offered a tryout to snag a spot on the Cyclones roster
Apparently, Mike recently lied and said he had been the backup third baseman for the Cyclones. Mike? Lie? No way!!!!!!!

You can bet the Staten Island Yankees are kicking themselves for not thinking of this.

Fist pumps!!!

Dumb As A Blog Dumb Caption Contest: Slip Slidin' Away Edition

It's almost time for the Winter Olympics, and when it comes to sports played on ice, I prefer hockey to figure skating. Except when the figure skaters fall down. I can't get enough of that. I would go ahead and assume that's what happened here, but luckily, it's not up to me to make sense of this picture, that's your job! 

Skatingfall_W_ap

Enter your best caption to this photo in the comments section below, and if it is judged to be among the best, it will be reprinted next week along with several other finalists and put to an impartial vote. To the winner will go a brand new Dumb As A Blog T-Shirt, which to it's credit, is far less ridiculous-looking than most figure skating outfits.

For examples of past winners, you can check out our previous contests, but for now, let's see those captions!

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY to enter or win the “Dumb As A Blog Caption Contest”. Contest open to legal residents of the 50 U.S. and D.C., age 18 or older. Subject to Official Rules and void where prohibited. Contest starts 11:00 p.m. ET on 02/08/10 ; ends 11:59p.m. ET on 02/15/10. For Official Rules and entry information log on to http://www.trutv.com/blog_contest_rules.html. Sponsor: Courtroom Television Network LLC, d/b/a tru TV.

'Lap Dances for Haiti' Raises More Than Cash

Marilyn's on Monroe, a Toledo, OH "men's entertainment club," donated their $10 cover charge to earthquake relief and dubbed it "Lap Dances for Haiti."  They say they Saturday's striptacular netted $1000 to help the Haitian people.

The Associated Press has the story so it's everywhere today.  Of course it is.  "Lap Dances for Haiti" is hilarious.  Also, the manager the club is named Soprano, so it's got that going for it too.

LapD1 Only the Toledo Blade article mentions one little fact that kind of takes the awesome out of the story: Lap dances are illegal in Ohio.  For reals. 

If fact, the lady you see on the left is one of four dancers arrested almost one year ago in the Buckeye State for allegedly offering $5 lap dances.  To see all the dancers (and one woman arrested for allegedly letting a dancer touch her breasts) click here.

First off, who are the lucky officers who got that undercover assignment?  The "let's go out for a drink and see if women take off their clothes in a nightclub" beat sounds like a cakewalk to me.  Secondly, $5 lap dances?  Such a bargain! What would they charge if it was legal, 25 cents?

Spike TV Pwned by Fake Female-y Fellow

KikiKiki the cross dresser recently appeared on 1000 Ways to Die on Spike TV to give his expert opinion on men who dress as women.

Only he wasn't really a transvestite. 

He was comedian and self-proclaimed "infiltrator" Harmon Leon, who got the gig after answering an ad on Craigslist for a TV show seeking a cross dresser.  He responded to a few emailed questions and voila!  With a borrowed dress and a peck of cosmetics from Walgreens the cameras rolled.  He delivered his "expert" opinion while wearing a "cross-dressing Frankenstein concoction." He earned $300 for his thoughts.

Harmon's full story plus the link to his appearance on Spike, is right here.

We at truTV are of course way too smart to fall for such a prank. 

Right? 

Right?

SFX: crickets

Vote For Feb's First Dumb Criminal of the Week!

Dumb criminals feb 5b You Dumb As A Blog Dumb Criminal readers have spoken and voted Jonas "Junior" Garcia Leon the Dumbest Criminal of the Week. Junior is the man who allegedly robbed the grocery store he used to work for and still had family on the payroll there. The cops arrested him in record time.

Well, it's time again to pick the week's Dumbest Criminal. Two of the folks you have to choose from are, or should I say, were part of the long arm of the law. Now, their alleged dumb moves have stripped them of their unis. Are one of them this week's dumbest? Well, only you can decide. And you only have one week. So vote now!

MONDAY: Call 911 For A Ride to Miami: Get the Heat

TUESDAY: Honestly, Dumb

WEDNESDAY: Gown to Jail

THURSDAY: Dumb Cop Gets Cagey

FRIDAY: This Guy's A Real Trooper

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This Guy's A Real Trooper

A dumb move by a Florida Highway Patrol trooper has left him on the wrong side of the law.
 
Plawrence2  Prosecutors say Paul C. Lawrence, pictured, issued hundreds of bogus tickets to unsuspecting drivers in an effort to boost his numbers to the bosses. He allegedly used information from drivers he had stopped in the past to draft new fake tickets.

Authorities became suspicious when dozens of ticketed drivers started to lose their licenses and complain they didn’t know anything about the citations. Many were able to prove that they were somewhere else at the time.

Over 200 traffic citations Lawrence issued since November have been dismissed and the FHP has set-up a central hotline for people filing complaints regarding phony tickets.

Lawrence, 38, is charged with 22 counts of official misconduct.  He has been put on administrative duty pending termination.

The FHP says their officers do not work on a quota system.

Ok, Dumb Blogger dumb question #1: Did Lawrence really think he wasn’t going to get caught?

Dumb Blogger dumb question #2: If the FHP doesn’t work on a quota system, why would Lawrence draft fake tickets?

February's Finest Video Roundup

SliderFrom Break.com comes what might be the dumbest, most funnest winter sport ever: Icy road sliding!

On College Humor, an epic frog FAIL makes nature seem as awkward as I was in high school.

From DJ Midnyt comes Willie Nelson's excellent gay cowboy song, "Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond Of Each Other."

Pancakes Oooh, James Provan makes some sexy stop-motion pancakes. But sorry ladies, the metric measures and the golden syrup tell me his flapjacks are across the pond.

Hey, maybe James should hook up with these pretentious French peeps who rock out doing stop motion housework.

Dumb Cop Gets Cagey

4 A Sullivan County, TN sheriff’s deputy is in the doghouse, both literally and figuratively, after getting arrested on a drunken driving charge.

A Florida Highway Patrol officer reportedly found Samuel Bledsoe, pictured, vomiting in his car with a blown out tire on Friday night. The trooper said Bledsoe could barely stand and he had to explain a field sobriety test to him 18 times.  He ultimately failed.

Meanwhile, according to the report, Bledsoe was trying to explain to the trooper he was a fellow officer, and demanded a ride home.

When the trooper arrested him instead, Bledsoe allegedly became so belligerent, the officer had no choice but to put him in the “K-9” cage of his cruiser to take him to the hospital.

Bledsoe allegedly told the trooper, “I hope you are proud of yourself for this and costing me my job."

Bledsoe, 47, was indeed fired Monday morning

A Few Tips On Viewing Naked Pictures At Work

Momshieldskidfrominternet Occasionally, though the course of my required duties as a scribe for Dumb As A Blog, I find myself viewing photographs and videos of women in various states of undress. I do this not for some prurient thrill, but to bring you the very BEST the internet has to offer. The web is a vast and deep ocean, you see, and to return from its depths with a handful of pearls, you have to spend a little time in the thick, dark mud where the oysters live.

I'm fairly certain you know what I'm talking about here.

Still, even I have the sense to throw a glance over my shoulder when I'm looking at something that might unsettle or shock a co-worker, which is why the case of David Kiely, a stockbroker in Australia, is so fantastic.

Kiely may be losing his job soon for indiscretions that included looking at mostly nude photos of supermodel Miranda Kerr on his computer. In and of itself, this wouldn't be terrible except for the fact that he was doing so directly behind a colleague who was ON TELEVISION.

Here's video of the incident. The fun starts around the 1:06 mark, right over Martin Lakos' right shoulder. 

I could watch that dozens of times. 

Oh, and just to save you the Google search, here are the pictures that the unfortunate stock broker was checking out. If you have to open them up at work, do yourself a favor and don't do it on live television, OK? Or, what the heck? Go for it- Miranda Kerr herself has found out about the scandal and told a reporter she would sign a petition to allow Kiely to keep his job.

I'm pretty sure she'd do the same thing for you.

Dumb as a Blog: Caption Contest
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