Breaking News: Man Asks for Directions March 9, 2010 12:48 PM | permalink

Ronnie Ricks, pictured, drove up to a fully-marked police cruiser in a McDonald’s drive-through to ask the officer in the vehicle for directions.

Sounds like a bright idea, right? Only according to Slidell, LA police, Ricks was driving a stolen SUV.
 
The officer says Ricks asked her how to get to the Interstate, but she had to repeat the directions several times because he couldn’t understand her.
 
So when Ricks pulled out of the the fast food parking lot, the cop had her dispatcher check his license plate, and sure enough, the SUV had been reported stolen that same day.
 
A detective tracked down Ricks in the hot SUV a short time later. He was allegedly also carrying pot.
 
Ricks, 26, is charged with "possession of stolen things" and possession of marijuana.
 
This guy reminded by of that dynamic duo from Connecticut, who was busted after asking a cop for directions to the Interstate after allegedly robbing auto parts.

At least they tried to use a paper towel to cover the license plate.
 

 

Dumb Or Clever? The Homemade Centrifuge March 9, 2010 11:08 AM | permalink

Thanks to the always fantastic Mental Floss blog, I stumbled upon maybe the purest example of Dumb Or Clever I've ever seen. A strong argument could be made here not only for just "dumb" or "clever," but also for "VERY dumb" or "VERY clever." Or even both at the same time.

Thanks to one man's desire to discover if a lava lamp would work on Jupiter, I bring you:  the homemade centrifuge machine. Not impressed yet? What if I told you it was set to the music of Riverdance?

The video was great, but I recommend checking out his site for more details, including this gem:

The centrifuge is a genuinely terrifying device. The lights dim when it is switched on. A strong wind is produced as the centrifuge induces a cyclone in the room. The smell of boiling insulation emanates from the overloaded 25 amp cables. If not perfectly adjusted and lubricated, it will shred the teeth off solid brass gears in under a second. Runs were conducted from the relative safety of the next room while peeking through a crack in the door.

So what do you think, America- the homemade centrifuge machine: Dumb...or Clever?

We really could use a "Mad Scientist" tag for situations like this.

What A Boob! March 8, 2010 3:49 PM | permalink

A Kentucky woman already in the pokey for public intoxication is now accused of assaulting her jailer by squirting breast milk at her.

Toni Tramel, 31, was changing into an inmate uniform when she allegedly squeezed her boob juice into a deputy’s face.

Tramel, pictured, is now charged with third degree assault on a police officer.

Jeez, doesn’t that lady know she’s wasting her precious natural resources? Why she could be using that breast milk to make homemade cheese.

Common Sense. Scratch. March 8, 2010 1:17 PM | permalink

Allen Nguyen, pictured, allegedly stole $70 worth of Florida scratch-off lottery tickets from a Winter Haven Circle K store and was busted when he returned to the same store to cash in a winner.

The Polk County Sheriff’s office says one of the stolen tickets was worth $50 and when Nguyen returned to collect his prize, the clerk recognized him from a surveillance video and asked to see his driver’s license. She wrote down his information and called authorities.

Nguyen, 22, is charged with petit theft.

Lady Luck may have been on Nguyen’s side.  But as they say, you just can’t fix stupid.

Nude Dude In The Mood For Food March 8, 2010 11:22 AM | permalink

Last Friday night in Lake City, FL, 25-year old Shane Tinsman was allegedly taking it easy.

According to police, he took off all his clothes, took a shower, watched some TV, helped himself to a little food, and wandered around the house. So what's wrong with that?

For one thing, it wasn't his house.

When the individual who lived there returned to see not only lights on in the dwelling, but a naked man through the window, the owner called the police, who entered the house and allegedly found Tinsman on the floor of a bedroom. Tinsman was quoted as saying he broke into the home because he was "hungry and needed a place to sleep." The police responded by giving him one, in jail.

He was arrested for burglary and criminal mischief, and is being held on bond.

Marching Into Stupidity March 5, 2010 5:00 PM | permalink

Dumb as a Blog readers have spoken and after nearly 4,000 votes you chose Jarad Desanti, George Brabakos and Robert Jeter, as the Dumbest Criminals of the week.

They are the men who allegedly tried to steal hundreds of gallons of gas from a convenience store. The problem was, one of them passed out from the fumes.

And now it's time for you to decide who you think is this week's dumbest criminal. You can check out their mugs to your left, and click on the stories below for more dumb information. You've only got one week to vote, so take your pick. 

MONDAY: A Meth To His Madness?

TUESDAY: Dumb Criminal's Rapid Demise

WEDNESDAY: Criminal Background? Check.

THURSDAY: Basket Case

FRIDAY: Escape Hazzard

Escape Hazzard March 5, 2010 2:57 PM | permalink

Can you say "Hee Haw?"

Inmate Darrell Smith, pictured, attempted to escape custody and made so many dumb moves that one deputy said, " It was just like The Dukes of Hazzard."

Only Smith is not Luke Duke, and he wasn’t driving The General Lee.

While leaving the local courthouse on Monday, Smith dodged a correctional deputy, ran through town, found a grain truck with the keys in it and proceeded to drive at high speeds for 20 miles to a local lake, with two officers in hot pursuit, according to authorities in Ephrata, WA.

And then Smith allegedly made a wild move.

He allegedly took the stolen truck off-road, making several jumps down the hill with all four tires flying more than three feet in the air.

Smith pulled over and ran into the lake still clad with this handcuffs and prison jumpsuit, only he couldn’t swim, say officers.  So they jumped in after, to rescue him. No one was hurt.

No word on the whereabouts of Boss Hogg or Rosco P. Coltrane.

Besides the kidnapping and robbery charges, Smith’s slice of made-for-TV-movie madness has landed    him several new felony charges.

Forensic Files Marathon: Featuring Psychic Spoilers March 5, 2010 11:49 AM | permalink

Tonight on truTV, there will be a marathon of Forensic Files. Starting at 9:00PM, a solid 6.5 hours of the fascinating scientific detective work used to bring previously uncatchable killers to justice.

In case you don't have time to watch, I was IMing with comedian Andres du Bouchet recently, and he told me "he had a vision that he was going to become a psychic."

Deciding to put his powers to the test, he agreed to predict who the killers were in each one of these episodes... WITHOUT EVER HAVING SEEN THEM. Are you like, totally spooked out yet!? Here is an edited version of our IM session, in which I gave  him nothing but the titles of the individual episodes, and he amazingly REVEALED THE IDENTITIES OF THE KILLERS.

If he is right or wrong, I have no idea, in case he is, stop reading now, because SPOILERS FOLLOW.

9:00 PM episode entitled "If I Were You"

I see a bag of groceries...The killer is the grocery bagger.

9:30 PM episode entitled "Sharper Image"

I see a bag again. This time with the word "douche" written on the side. The killer has something to do with that...

10:00 PM episode entitled "As Fault"

Jill.

10:30 PM episode entitled "Dog Day Afternoon"

Two conspirators.The dog walker and the ex-husband.

11:00 PM episode entitled "Material Witness"

The Madonna impersonator.

11:30 PM episode entitled "Quite A Spectacle"

The Lenscrafter cashier.

12:00 AM episode entitled "To The Viktor"

I see a football player. The quarterback. WAIT- The quarterback is the VICTIM! Killed by the animal rights activist.That was close.

12:30 AM episode entitled "Murder She Wrote"

The creepy old lady novelist.

1:00 AM episode entitled "If I Were You"

Still the grocery bagger.

1:30 AM episode entitled "Sharper Image"

The pretentious d-bag.

2:00 AM episode entitled "As Fault"

The tennis instructor. You're repeating, you know.  

(Photo by Lisa Whiteman)

Oh yeah. I guess I am. The episodes repeat after a while.

Can change my answers?

You just did. First time around you said the killer was "Jill." Now you say it's "the tennis instructor." But whatever. You're the psychic.

Um. Yes, Jill instructs tennis.

 2:30 AM episode entitled "Dog Day Afternoon"

The pug and the corgie.

3:00 AM episode entitled "Material Witness"

The crazy guy who pops bubble wrap all day.

3:30 AM episode entitled "Quite A Spectacle"

The librarian.

And we did it! 

I feel drained.

Big thanks to Andres for participating. To see if his predictions were correct, check out the Forensic Files marathon starting tonight at 9:00PM. 

STFU Parents Lets Baby H8rs Unite March 5, 2010 11:39 AM | permalink

Hot on the heels of Jen reporting about a site called STFU Marrieds comes another addition to the "turn in your friends anonymously and blog it" field, this one about those with kids.  Yes, it's called STFU, Parents.  Below is an example of the kinda thing you'll find, but not taken from the site, 'cause that'd be stealing.

So look out people who have reproduced !  Some of your Facebook buddies may be submitting your "cute" photos of your kids and your whining/bragging status updates.

I totally get this.  Before I had a kid, I despised my friends who seemed swallowed whole by the baby Borg.  And now that the mommy hormones are pumping making me wanna get too sharey, I have to stop myself from posting pics and telling kid stories 24/7. 

That said, I've gone so far in the other direction (not sharing kid stuff) that ex-boyfriends are sometimes unaware I've spawned and so sometimes I post a baby picture or comment to act like garlic waved in front of a vampire.  Nothing dashes desire better than implying that I am most turned on by a good night's sleep and a man to do my laundry.  What I'm saying is, cut your friends some slack, especially because the parent gush might just be to avoid the bum rush from old flames.

Just saying, because none of the 98 passionate comments on this story over here seem to get that little added benefit.

Wii--ly Poor Form March 5, 2010 9:03 AM | permalink

Thanks to a pair of morning television show hosts Wii Curling is now a new euphemism for Walking the Dog or Spanking the Monkey.