truTV: Not Reality. Actuality.

A Chinese couple has cleary taken too much of a liking to video games, actually going so far as to…this is tough to write …sell their own three children to fund their gaming needs. Not one kid, but three.

They had two, sold the second for a decent return, and then sold the first for a much larger profit. Sickeningly seduced by such profits, they had another kid and brought in another large profit. Now they can go to internet cafes, bring out their wads of cash (possibly arranged into three piles, symbolic of their ex-children) and…pay to play video games.

Those kids are probably in better hands now. It’s easy to be in better-than-the-worst hands.

Longtime Jeopardy host, Alex Trebek, approached the podium of the National Geographic World Championship on crutches. Unfortunately, the 71-year-old game show host ruptured his Achilles tendon and expects surgery shortly. As is typical, the ‘what’ isn’t as interesting or badass as the ‘how’. So how did he do it? Did he fall in the shower? Fall off the cart on the golf course? Nope.

He fell while chasing down a burglar.

Yep. This typically calm, cool celebrity took chase when a criminal ran off with some loot from Trebek's hotel room. The hero-host wasn’t going to have any of that crap, so he revved the badass engines and attempted to take the scumbag down (possibly unleashing a fearsome battle cry in the process.) The injuries he received from the pursuit halted his heroics, but the perp was brought to justice in the end. Great work by security, but who's the real hero?

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris cancelling their wedding is old news, and it seemed to be the only part of the story. Harris decided to pen a new chapter by talking trash about the elderly Playboy founder. She recently claimed that her ex-fiance left much to be desired in the bedroom. 

Crystal, I understand why you might be upset that Hef described the wedding cancellation as 'dodging a bullet' but you're the one who ended it. He was just evening the score, no need to be a jerk and try to have the last word. 

Plus, you know you're talking about the Playboy, right? If there was one man who would be invulnerable to your attempts at manhood-belittlement, it's the almighty Hef. He might have tried to put a ring on you, but you said no and he probably moved right along.

Crystal Harris: Sex with Hef lasted 'two seconds' [CNN]

Ozzy is both a well known rockstar celebrity and a dog—literally. Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne attended the 13^th Annual Design Care, with a live auction. When a Yorkie puppy became open for bidding, Sharon was delighted. Starting at $5,000 (yes, thousand) the puppy was a hit. Ozzy outbid everyone else, paying $10,000 for the newly-beloved puppy, named Ozzy. Yep, they fatefully found each other. It was meant to be.

But $10,000 dollars for a puppy? Here human-Ozzy is throwing down big bills on dogs while the rest of us struggle to make our less-than-$10,000 bills each month. Do these stars ever worry about money? You know, besides being able to afford that private island off the coast of Venezuela. 

Ozzy Osbourne shells out $10,000 for a Yorkie [CNN]

The continued NBA lockout has fans nervous and disappointed. Matt from Today’s Riff on TBS.com knows you’re hurting, so today he’s provided some uplifting entertainment to fill the basketball void in your life. Watch as this stunning example of human intellect participates in a new type of basketball, probably named ‘Dumb Hoops’. The interesting part is that there doesn’t seem to be a ball involved. Have a blast, guy.

[tbs.com]

Internet memes have begun to spawn real world curiosities. ‘Planking’ is an Internet meme where participants lay face down, hands at their sides, and get their picture taken. The more unusual or idiotic the location, the better the picture is—if they can be classified as anything but ‘dumb.'

Now we have 'owling.' This meme has participants squatting and gazing off with a wizened, owl-like stare. Oh, and of course you have your picture taken and try to do it in the most unsafe, unintelligent locations possible.

You might be wondering ‘why do people do this?’ Well, same here. I’m also wondering which I find more moronic. Look at these pictures of owling and planking and help me decide!

Forget planking–who's up for owling? [CNN]

Celebrity actress train wreck Lindsey Lohan recently appeared in court to have her probation progress reviewed. Having completed a grueling (I meant pathetic) 33 of 480 community service hours, Lohan wasn’t showing much effort in getting back on track.

She did however put some effort into dressing up. Striding atop what are probably (high end, expensive) Christian Louboutin high heels, she claimed she couldn’t afford to pay for the court mandated counseling right now.

Is that why you stole that necklace, LiLo? Too broke? Then don’t come to court dressed like a wealthy French woman who would probably pay $30 for a glass of wine. Lindsey…what are you going to do? 

Why put a ring on some chick's finger when you can summon a ring of gorgeous gals to your hot tub at will? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, HEFNER?! Oh, wait…

…Hugh Hefner's wife-to-be-no-more, Crystal Harris, decided to end their impending marriage. Hugh feels he "missed a bullet" with this decision. That's right, Hef! You're not a man to be tied down! You're resilient and fierce; held back only by the pressure of time, and that's no big deal right? Not yet at least.

What? 

Eighty-five?! Oh gosh, a steady woman would've been good for you. You dodged one bullet, but the bullet of 'being old as hell' is still spearheading an assault on your existence. Maybe it's time to change up the solo act?

Paris Hilton recently walked out of an interview with Dan Harris of ABC News. Was this celebuderp called to a family emergency? Were her six toy dogs, three parrots and 15 monkeys in danger? No. Did she need to talk to her publicist? Yes.

Harris asked Hilton if she was worried her “celebrity moment” had passed. Upon hearing this horrific inquiry, Hilton laughed and walked out. I bet she didn’t know how to answer.

Her likely thought process: What did this guy just say?! Well, my moment totally HAS passed, but I don’t want to tell everybody that, right? Crap, I should answer this guy. He’s totally waiting… and checking me out — perv. Uh, alright, I better go ask the publicist.

Then she returned, finished the interview and made this story possible.

There's an argument to be made; one could say having fourteen kids when you love babies is dumb. However, to find them disgusting and have fourteen is like going to a local dump, dry heaving and gagging for a little while, and then thinking, "I'd like to experience more of this. I'm going to visit more, really explore and immerse myself."

This is Nadya Suleman’s situation. Dubbed by the media as 'Octomom', she successfully birthed octuplets while already raising six other children. Recently rumors of Suleman's disgust for babies have been confirmed. Caught on tape discussing her disdain for newborns, Suleman has painted a controversial picture of herself. Considering that she intended to have so many kids, what's to blame?