When you’re working for a corporate coffee giant, and your only job is to cater to the cranky, caffeine-deprived public, you’re bound to reach a point where you just don’t care many pumps of syrup Tony wants in his macchiato, and if the patron’s name is “Brian” or “Brain.” You write it down however you want, even if you get mocked later on the interwebs like these dumb baristas did.
For instance, if Star Wars had bombed like George Lucas thought it would, he wouldn’t still be sending million-dollar checks to Steven Spielberg. This and more dumb high-profile bets here:
A couple of crazies in Arizona did just that when they went off on a bizarre rant targeting their so-called “haters” on Reddit and Yelp. The deluded duo initially appeared on a show called Kitchen Nightmares, which promptly booted them thanks to their completely insane antics. Then it all escalated from there when someone handed over the Facebook password.
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#FitchTheHomeless Because the Abercrombie & Fitch CEO refuses to dress the “not-so-cool kids” (his words, not ours), one dude took it upon himself to readjust the A&F brand — by targeting the needy. [The Frisky]
Gramps is a Crook An elderly man accused of robbing a San Diego bank has ‘fessed up to robbing tons more. “I rob banks. It’s my hobby,” the 78-year-old said. Oh, and the confession was all caught on tape for your viewing pleasure. [HuffPost]
Get Stung The story of a Swedish man and his favorite hornet’s nest is fake. [Heavy]
Forget Brad & Jen, Already Folks are still in shock over Angelina Jolie’s preventative double mastectomy, with some morons still begrudging the starlet for stealing Jennifer Aniston’s husband. That was so 10 years ago. How about we all focus less on Brad Pitt’s lovers and more on cancer prevention, mmm kay? [Starts With You]
It’s Officially Summer Wendy’s is now serving the Frosty in a waffle cone! Oh, and this totally isn’t dumb news! It’s really, really good news! [Guyism]
Most of you know the basics — babies purge at an alarming rate, they have mysteriously soft heads, and they’re fascinated with the dumbest imaginable nonsense. But what about the creepy stuff that no one tells you? These nightmare-inducing factoids are guaranteed to scare you celibate:
Sadly, we can’t choose our own flesh and blood. We’re stuck with the strange clan that makes up our families. If Grandma wants to throw her chicken leg at you, you’ve gotta let her. You can always sling one back.
But when it comes to family portraits, there’s a choice. If you don’t want dad to pose topless in your pic, tell the old man! If you’d rather not put a creepy witch mask on junior — speak up. Otherwise you wind up with awkward family photos like these that will be a laughingstock for future generations.
This kitten losing his cool over some lizards is the most appalling-slash-precious video you will see today.
We don’t blame the little furball. That would be like you and I being confronted with a couple of fast-moving dinosaurs.
The world penis size map to the rescue! This list ranks various countries in order of average number of inches down there, and it’s sure to lower your self-esteem. Even Canadians and the British have more manhood than Americans.
Can we still blame Lorena Bobbit for screwing with our average?
At a Met Gala after-party, Tiger reportedly embarrassed his lady friend with his strange behavior. We hear the pro-golfer was awkwardly bopping from side-to-side on the dance floor and at one point, actually fell up the stairs, where he lay until his poor date helped him up.
Click below to view the pics of Tiger in all his bug-eyed glory.
Comment with your verdict — awkward in social situations or just completely blitzed?
If you’re a weirdo (you’re here reading the Dumb Blog, aren’t you?), then your mom’s probably a weirdo, too. The last thing she wants is wilted flowers, melty chocolates and a three-course meal at Applebee’s.
Get her something super unusual that she’ll appreciate for years to come, like a wearable odor filter for when you come over and stink up the bathroom. Every lady dreams of owning one of those, I guarantee ya.
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