Dumb as a Blog
Hooks that inspire us with their brilliant stupidity
March 20, 2013 12:10 PM | permalink
Posted by Susie
Overshare: I did the stupidest thing ever at the doctor
March 18, 2013 4:24 PM | permalink
Posted by Susie
I just recovered from my third bout of strep throat this winter. It’s been a whirlwind of penicillin and high-level kvetching. My last strep included a visit to an ear, nose and throat specialist. While checking me for particularly gross things, he threaded a scope with a light into my nose and down my throat.
At this point, most people would just chill. Me? I start making jokes:
“You’re not going to put this on YouTube are you?”
No he said, he wouldn’t. He smiled but — it’s wasn’t that funny. Besides, maybe it wasn’t a video laryngoscope, it might’ve just been a fiberoptic bronchoscope. In which case, my premise sucked. I should’ve quit while I was behind, but of course, I’m an idiot and did not.
Continue reading “Overshare: I did the stupidest thing ever at the doctor” »
Heavily-armed sex-crazed dolphins go AWOL and other dumb animal news
March 13, 2013 12:43 PM | permalink
Posted by Susie
New Jersey might call themselves The Garden State but most people only think of them farming Snooki and pollution. And now, NJ is furthering their image by hanging up dead vultures. NJ stringing up dead birds to get rid of buzzards via Freewheelin’
If your cow has been pressing the snooze button, now you know why. Dairy farmers say daylight saving throws cows for a loop, too via Crowley Cheese
What’s better than frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their fricken heads? Killer dolphins trained to attack enemy combat swimmers who may be wearing special knives or pistols fixed to their heads recently got horny and left their posts. This should end well. Ukrainian Killer Dolphins Deserted to Seek Mates – Expert
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Two wolf moon rug reviews
March 11, 2013 10:53 AM | permalink
Posted by Susie
Welcoming to DUH-cor! Your source for decorating tips by and for stupid people. Here you’ll find ideas to make your home look a lot less intelligent. Maybe you’re a genius who is tired of intimidating the neighbors. Perhaps you just lack education and/or taste. Either way you’ll find what you want and need for your hideous home needs right here. Read on!
Three wolf moon might be cool but it’s too many wolves per moon, at least when it comes to wolves to wipe your feet on.
Enter this small rectangle made of genuine Polypropylene, left, that has only two wolves and your messy boots will feel the beauty of untamed nature each time you step on their furry faces.
But don’t take my word for it, how can you not trust these awesome reviews? We left in the real typos to show you the passion people feel for it:
“Product is. outstanding”
“use it in bedroom. it is perfect for my wolves decor.”
“i use it to blend in with my wolf colletion we have in our livingroom”
“…over joyed with it…”
There you go — four people who can’t write can’t be wrong!
Image: Howling Wolves Rug on Wayfair.com
Cats being jerks for no apparent reason
March 08, 2013 10:21 AM | permalink
Posted by Susie
Jumping toddlers, punting your coffee, slapping dogs and kicking each other down the stairs — nothing is too nasty for kitties.
That said, nothing is better than actually seeing their evil doings in action.
From riding turtles to trashing paintings — this is the one dumb video you need to watch now and send to all your friends. What, you thought you might work today? Please. It’s Friday! Plus the unemployment rate just dropped to 7.7% — a four-year low. If your boss fires you for watching cat videos, there will be another gig right around the corner!*
And now, the most excellent stupid video of the day:
Continue reading “Cats being jerks for no apparent reason” »
Bacon is awesome as long as you don’t eat it
March 07, 2013 1:23 PM | permalink
Posted by Susie
“Give us bacon or give us death!” — says most everybody on the internet. Well, it looks like you’re getting death.
In a recent study, putting bacon and other processed meats inside your stomach seems to = early death. Of course, they didn’t test deep-fried bacon, probably because that dish means instant death. And unlike having a rare disease like Cutis Marmorata Telangiectatica Congenita, people are not gonna feel sorry for you if you suffer from acute bacon scarfing syndrome.
But there are plenty of other ways to enjoy bacon besides eating it:
There’s bacon shaving cream. There’s a way to add bacon to every website you love. And you can walk around with crocheted bacon in your pocket to remind you of the good times you and bacon shared before you found out your relationship was doomed.
Continue reading “Bacon is awesome as long as you don’t eat it” »
I lost my hat
March 06, 2013 11:20 AM | permalink
Posted by Susie
I lost my hat. It’s not as interesting as I Lost 98 Pounds And Fell In Love By Dating Escorts. But it’s true.
I took my hat off on the bus and then didn’t pick it up when I left. I noticed my dumb mistake after I got off at Port Authority in New York City. By the time I looked up, the bus was suddenly lost in a sea of other buses that looked just like it.
This picture is the only evidence I have of this beloved hat that scored many more compliments than you would guess from this crappy screen grab of a crappy video I took of myself while ice skating crappily last week. Yes, I was filming myself ice skating. That was dumb too. Arms are only so long so all I got was video of a stationary head with a swirling background behind it.
Not to brag but I bought this hat inside a shop that was inside a Pathmark in New Jersey. In heavily-accented English the salesman told me how beautiful I looked in it (as well as how good I looked in every hat I tried on) because I looked awesome and/or not too many people come in and buy hats inside a tiny shop inside a Pathmark.
Continue reading “I lost my hat” »
Justin Beiber booed, Mel B booed, Ben Stiller booed, Bloomberg booed, Benitez booed
March 05, 2013 10:24 AM | permalink
Posted by Susie
Booya! People with B names are having a rough week — they’re all being booed!
Justin Beiber was a few hours late for a London concert and fans flipped… and booed. [Beiber booed]
Ben Stiller was booed on a tennis court at Madison Square Garden. [Ben Stiller booed]
Spice Girl Mel B got a booing for her judging skills or lack thereof. [Mel B booed]
Mayor Michael Bloomberg got a chilly reception at a St. Pat’s parade in the Rockaways. [Bloomberg booed]
And soccer manager Raphael Benitez got fans pissed off when he played West Brom — even though his team won. [Benitez booed]
Oh but wait, here’s a B-named celebrity who was cheered: LeBron James was cheered by Bulls fans! Yay!
Oh, but wait again, LeBron was cheered because he appeared injured. Dang — that’s cold, people! [Fans cheer injured LeBron]
Look out Easter Bunny, I have a feeling your fluffy butt is next…
Image: Christopher Victorio /Landov
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‘Harlem Shake’ miners fired: World mourns loss of sexy shirtless subterranean steppers
March 04, 2013 11:02 AM | permalink
Posted by Susie
YouTube gold was stuck when gold miners in Agnew Mine in Western Australia ripped off their shirts and performed the viral dance craze known as the “Harlem Shake.”
Unfortunately their employers, Barminco, didn’t appreciate the down under underground art experiment and have reportedly fired 15 people over the stunt — the dancers and those who just watched. The dismissal letter obtained by an Aussie newspaper says the miners breached “core values of safety, integrity and excellence”. I’m sorry, but if you watch the video, you will scope tons of excellence.
Want to see the video? Of course you do. Check it out:
Continue reading “‘Harlem Shake’ miners fired: World mourns loss of sexy shirtless subterranean steppers” »
Dennis Rodman and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un are BFFs
February 28, 2013 1:44 PM | permalink
Posted by Susie
No, that’s not Photoshopped — former NBA star Dennis Rodman and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un sat next to each other earlier today as they watched a basketball game together in Pyongyang.
Rodman, who is remembered more for wearing dresses than playing basketball, had tweeted that he was excited to maybe “run into the Gangnam Style dude” while there. Not getting the difference between North Korea and South Korea was dubbed a “mix up” rather than what it was: Really truly stupid. Psy, the performer of that YouTube smash responded to Rodman via Twitter, and amazingly he didn’t add, “PS FYI you’re an idiot.”
And during their meeting, Rodman apparently told Kim Jong Un “you have a friend for life.” Rodman may not be aware that his lil’ buddy recently vowed to target nuclear missiles at “the U.S., the sworn enemy of the Korean people.” Ah but what’s a few long-range ballistic between friends?
The dear leader reportedly got Rodman and the crew “wasted” after the game. Well heck — change of plans — North Korea for Spring Break everybody!
Is the former Chicago Bulls superstar the person you’d imagine as an ambassador for peace? Of course not. But apparently Rodman wrote a children’s book that just came out. Say what? Fans of Phineas and Ferb will no doubt suspect that Kim Jong Un is in possession of a Least-Likely-inator that he aimed straight at Rodman’s rump. Thor help us all.
Image: Vice.com
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