Get excited, folks, Saturday marked the annual world record skinny-dip challenge. Sponsored by the American Association for Nude Recreation, each year nudist camps around the country host mass skinny-dips on the same day and time in hopes of breaking the record set the prior year.
If you were lucky, the people who participated near you were as young and attractive as the folks in this promotional video. Somehow, I think not.
According to USA Today, getting married at retail stores is a growing trend.
I'll be honest, my appreciation for Arby's borders on infatuation. And really, if you celebrate Valentine's Day in a White Castle, why not step it up a notch and get married by the Burger King?
According to the article, your fellow Americans have planned weddings at places including Home Depot and Taco Bell. Think they're on to something? For all you engaged folks out there, I'll save you the cost of a wedding planner and plan a few capitalist commitment ceremonies for you:
Chuck E. Cheese
Exchange vows by the Whac-A-Mole and celebrate by jumping in the ball pit. Guests will gorge themselves on pizza and pitchers of Coors Light.
Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World
Give yourself a true "shotgun wedding" in the gun department or leave anglers in awe with a fishing theme. Outfitted in waders, the groom will cast a fishing lure to snag his "catch" and reel her in down the aisle.
The Maid of Honor will toast the bride with a champagne-flavored Slurpee before the couple cuts into a cake made of Big Bites.
The ring bearer will be a small boy from Bangladesh paid in rice salvaged from the couples send-off.
Leave your ideas in the comments.
There are lots of great times to take naps: A rainy Sunday afternoon on your couch, on the beach vacationing in Jamaica or even at your local movie theatre taking in a screening of Letters to Juliet.
But let me tell you when taking a nap is not such a good idea: WHEN YOU ARE SITTING ON A STAGE WITH CAMERAS AND AN ENTIRE AUDIENCE OF PEOPLE FOCUSED ON YOU BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU DELIVERING A SPEECH.
Stay in school, people.
How would you read the word "PINUS"?
Whoa whoa whoa. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. The word is clearly Latin for "pine" and pronounced "pie-nus," NOT like a certain part of the male anatomy. But, the Michigan Secretary of State's office is with you guys, as the state's license plate review panel has rejected one man's attempt to get PINUS written on his vanity plate.
Marvin Robinson insists he was simply trying to honor the state tree, the pinus strobus – more commonly known as the white pine, but the full Latin name is longer than the maximum letter requirement. The review panel appreciates the gesture, but insists that, being a dead language, Latin is not in most Americans' lexicons and, when seen in this context, PINUS would probably warrant more chuckles than feelings of state pride.
Secretary of State spokeswoman Kelly Chesney suggests that if Robinson still wants to honor the state tree, he should apply for the more straightforward (and available) plate WHTPINE.
For more outrageous explanations of why citizens ask for dirty license plates, visit The Smoking Gun's strange vanity plate gallery.
A man has started a website devote to finding clever (mostly) uses for his ex-wife's wedding dress. Uses include a pasta strainer and a cover for his grill, but further clicking around the site indicates that this is really just a ploy to get a book published – which, let's face it, inevitably will now happen since publishing companies seem to only give book deals out to bloggers these day (Hello? Penguin? I'm out here!!!!).
It just goes to prove the old adage:
If you can dream it, the Internet can achieve it.
In yet another dumb disgruntled fast food customer story, a customer at a Daytona Beach Wendy's allegedly pulled out a taser and tried to use it on several of the employees yesterday.
Two women, Melanese Reid (far left) and Katrina Bryant, ordered food at the drive-thru around 10am, then got angry when their bag did not hold the mayonnaise and mustard packets they had requested. One of the women got out of the car, went into the restaurant and commandeered some condiments. But no amount of mustard could satiate this woman's appetite for rage.
Reid immediately returned to the drive-thru window to yell at an employee, eventually reaching in and slapping the fast food worker across the face, according to cops, who also say she fired a taser several times in the eatery, luckily missing all patrons and employees.
Reid faces a charge of degree to aggravated assault with a deadly
weapon. Bryant is accused of principal in the first-degree to
aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
It's not news that fans in Philadelphia are a rough bunch — heck, their football stadium used to have a court inside it — but one Philly fanatic allegedly took it to the next level Wednesday night by intentionally vomiting on an 11-year-old girl and her father at a Phillies game.
According to Easton, PA police captain Michael Vangelo, who was off-duty with his daughters to see the Phillies play the Nationals, a group of fans sitting nearby were yelling obscenities from the very start of the game.
When Captain Vangelo and his eldest daughter asked them to stop, he was allegedly showered with beer and water and his 11-year-old was spit on. Vangelo reported the men and they were ejected from the game – and that's when things really went downhill.
Another fan, now identified by police as 21-year-old Matthew Clemens, pictured, didn't take to kindly to Captain Vangelo getting those fans (who he was not actually associated with) booted from the game and decided to express his disgust by being, well, disgusting and giving his own version of the boot.
Vangelo claims Mr. Clemens got behind his 11-year-old daughter, stuck his fingers down his throat and projectile vomited all over her.
When other fans intervened and jumped in to subdue Clemens, he reportedly kept on vomiting and it got all over them too. Is this guy related to Linda Blair or something?
Clemens was arrested and faces charges that include
Aggravated Assault, Simple Assault, Harassment and Resisting Arrest.
In the end, someone felt a little brotherly love for the poor little girl and gave her a caught foul ball. Guess they thought she needed a little something to remember this game by.
Sometimes a headline says it all. Such is the case with this story picked up by the New York Times this week:
For a second when I read that I thought I had accidentally clicked over to The Onion, but no, I was on nytimes.com.
Apparently, after a raucous time at a Tuesday night Jay Z concert, a 33-year-old Pittsburgh man looking for a warm bed decided to break into Frank Fontana's house (amazing name, BTW, he should totally be a pro wrestler) and make himself cozy. Allegedly, Frank felt someone get into his bed around 5:30 am and first thought it was a lady friend who has keys to his place, but when he asked if it was her, he instead got a very manly "No, it's not."
At that point Frank grabbed a baseball bat and, according to the report, "kept the man at bay" until police arrived. Neither party was injured, nor was anything stolen from Fontana's home, but the alleged intruder, Michael Karanja Kamau (pictured) was charged with criminal mischief and criminal trespass.
A woman found herself in a sticky situation this week — literally — when, police say, she was pulled over in Michigan wearing nothing but a bikini and a healthy coating of Jello.
Reportedly the 29-year-old had just come from a Jello wrestling contest at Dino's Dugout Sports Bar and Grille and hadn't bothered washing off or putting on the street clothes she had arrived in.
Though questionable, there's nothing illegal about driving around in 20 degree weather wearing naught but a bikini and flavored gelatin. What was a problem? This scantily-clad, sweet goo-covered lady couldn't sugarcoat the fact that she allegedly blew almost twice the legal limit on a breathalyzer.
Dino says he reserved a hotel room down the street for the wrestlers with a free shuttle bus so they wouldn't have to get behind the wheel after their gelatinous display of glory. But this woman apparently turned down the ride. She thought she could slip under the radar, but alas, cops caught her…and her fruit-flavored scent.
Don't know what to get your significant other this Valentine's Day? Have no fear, Dumb as a Blog is here!
For all you procrastinators thoughtful shoppers I decided to put together this handy gift guide to help you pick a gift that's sure to knock his/her socks (and pants- HEYOOoooooo!) off:
Always fantasized about joining the "Mile High Club?" Well, there are at least two companies out there willing to help you make your dreams come true without having to cram yourself into a tiny airplane bathroom. For under a grand, Mile High Atlanta or the Chicago Mile High Club will discreetly take you and your partner a mile up in a cushy cabin to do… well, it. Here's hoping you don't need to use the barf bag.
Make it Steamy…
Having trouble getting a reservation at Jean Georges? Not a culinary whiz? No problem. Call now for a reservation and on Valentine's Day you may be sitting down for a romantic candlelit dinner in a castle… a White Castle. They'll provide the flowers, candles, tableside service and all you have to do is pay for her sack (heh heh). Butter her up with one of these commemorative tees and she'll really be craving your buns.
Ruffle Her Feathers…
Boy, will your lady be surprised when the mascot for her favorite minor league team shows up at her door this year. Good luck trying to figure out if those are screams of terror or delight.
Show Her Your Softer Side…
If teddy bears holding hearts just don't do it for you and you want to take your relationship to the NSFW level, buy your significant other a Weenie Baby this year. After she stops crying, I'm sure she'll utter those three little words you've been dying to hear: "Let's break up."
I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty stoked to get any one of these wrapped up in a big red heart-shaped bow. Then again, what do I know, I'm one of those single losers awesome people that plans on spending the evening snuggled up with a barrel of Utz cheese balls and a sixer of beer.
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