We are living in the Golden Age of the Prank.
Thanks to the ubiquitous camera phone and YouTube, teenagers
across the globe are able to record and post their high-school hi-jinks for all
the world to see and enjoy.
Whereas only a decade ago, a great school shenanigan would
likely have receded into the dustbin of history, nowadays the tomfoolery can be
seen by anyone with an Internet connection and a minute to spare.
These pranksters’ cups runneth over as they blanket the
halls, stairwells and locker bays with cups of water.
Thousands upon thousands of bouncy balls descend down a stairwell,
and the result looks like a swarm of killer bees.
The halls are alive…with the sound of 4,000 crickets that
were released in a suburban
One high school. Two buildings separated by a
street. A tunnel underneath that connects them. And a senior prank that
snarls traffic for blocks
6. What a Tool
Dressed in a flesh-colored costume (can you see what body
part it’s supposed to be?) and spraying aerosol string, a student crashes a
As a high school principal is speaking during an assembly,
an orgasmic moaning is piped in by pranksters. The kids haven’t been this excited since Tater Tot Tuesday in the
4. Color Me Bad
Sometimes pranksters have to work blue.
3. Duly Noted
Proving once again that Costco is a prankster’s best friend, a school is covered with 12,000 Post-It Notes.
In a prank worthy of “
ventilation ducts and fill it to the brim with Styrofoam packing peanuts. To the principal’s credit, she’s as impressed
as we are by the students’ careful preparation.
An enterprising student hands out placards to the
archrival’s side at the big football game, telling them it will spell out their
team name. In reality, it spells out “We
Suck.” Score one for the home team.
The strangest things can spur our memory. For Proust it was biting in a madeleine cookie that instantly transported him back to his childhood.
For Frisco, TX traffic cop Jerry Varner, it was seeing his stolen truck driving towards him on the very street where he was working last weekend.
Yes, though his maroon pickup was parked a mere 100 yards away, Varner did not see Matthew Herring (left) allegedly break into it and drive away. But once Herring was barreling towards him, Varner had a moment of clarity: "Hey, that’s my truck!"
Varner motioned for Herring to stop but Herring threw the vehicle into reverse, hitting several cars in an attempt to flee, police say. Herring was charged with theft and evading arrest and I bet Varner has learned to keep an eye on his rig.
Despite the wintry economic climate and the advent of the internet, phone sex lines are still going gangbusters.
In the grand tradition of duck stamps, college football conference calls and their brothers-in-arms from New Jersey, it seems that Michigan Democrats mistakenly included a sex chatline phone number on a political flier.
The political circular, emblazoned with images of Barack Obama and Sen. Carl Levin, included a number to call with questions. But anyone who dialed 877-MI-Change instead heard a sultry voice that breathily promised to fulfill the caller’s every desire.
Democrats have apologized for this rare, non-Biden related gaffe.
You wouldn’t attend your own murder trial dripping in blood, or arrive to be sentenced for an arson case smelling like smoke and lighter fluid. And if you’ve been accused of grand theft auto, you probably shouldn’t drive to the courthouse in another stolen vehicle.
And if you do, you should probably leave the puppies at home.
Accused of driving a stolen Porsche, Tony Van arrived at a Marin County (CA) courthouse to receive the jury’s verdict.
How did he get there? In a newly stolen Lexus, police say.
Cops report that they were alerted to Van’s hot wheels by court employees who noticed Yorkshire terrier puppies that were wandering around the parking lot. Evidently Van had left seven dogs in the sweltering car and a few had escaped. When police ran the car’s tags they discovered it was been stolen.
Van’s been charged with receiving stolen property and animal cruelty.
But there’s some justice in the world: the dogs are being cared for by the local Humane Society and Van was convicted of driving the stolen Porsche. And I bet a conviction for the stolen Lexus isn’t far behind either.
Vietnam is considering instituting a ban for all motorbike drivers who are too thin, too short, or too flat-chested.
If you sport a bust smaller than 28 inches, be prepared to carpool.
The ban is aimed at ensuring that all drivers are healthy enough to operate a motorbike, but it beats me how having a big rack makes you a better driver.
But I’m sure there will be no lack of policemen, civil servants and civilians volunteering to measure women to make sure they comply with the law of the land.
As the poet once wrote, "You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, and when to walk away." And if only a high-speed rail passenger in France had heeded the sage words of Kenny Rogers.
It seems that the unnamed Frenchman accidentally dropped his cell phone into a toilet aboard the train zooming from La Rochelle to Paris. Rather than just walk away, Monsieur Stupide dove in after the phone and promptly got stuck, thanks to the john’s high-powered suction.
The train was halted and firefighters were called in to cut through pipework. The man was removed from the train with his hand still jammed into the toilet; the firefighters were later able to saw the contraption into pieces and free him.
This is why most politicians understand the importance of delegating tasks. You don’t steal stuff yourself; you get your underlings to do it for you!
Johnson County, KA Commissioner John M. Toplikar has been charged with misdemeanor theft after he was allegedely videotaped stealing his opponent’s campaign signs. His opponent for the hotly-contested County Commissioner seat, Calvin Hayden, had observed Toplikar removing his signs before, but was told by police that they could not intervene unless the act was caught on tape.
Hayden’s wife and a campaign volunteer sprang into action and caught the petty pol red-handed. And, as with most things in life, the clip is available on YouTube:
The police force in Great Britain works a bit differently than our boys in blue here in America. The majority of UK coppers, for instance, don’t carry firearms. And evidently, they don’t use locking doors on their police station.
After a night of drinking, Shane Bowkett and Matthew Goodchild reportedly went to the Gloucestershire police station at 4am to see if Goodchild’s brother had been locked up there. But rather than an incarcerated sibling, the pair instead found the station door unlocked and the station unmanned. The opportunistic thieves scuttled inside and allegedly made off with a few police jackets, hats, "anti-stab" vests and the keys to a police cruiser.
The thieves were nabbed shortly after their shopping spree and made to pay a 30 pound penalty. Perhaps the police can use that princely sum to pay a locksmith and fix that broken door? Just a suggestion.
Dropping kids off from school will make you thirsty, but perhaps next time bus driver James Pruitt will wait until after the last kid leaves before he stops for a frosty brew.
The Bergen (NJ) Catholic High driver allegedly pulled his bus into a local ShopRite, ran in, bought a beer and downed it while he still had one child left to bring home.
Fortunately, an alert bystander saw what happened and alerted cops, who pulled Pruitt over about a half a mile from the the store. Pruit was arrested and police drove home the lone kid, who now has an awesome story to tell his friends.
Michael Smith of Newtown Turnpike, MA was driving by the Holy Ghost Deliverance Church when he was hit by divine inspiration.
To dedicate his life to God?
No. To allegedly break into the church and play the drum kit he saw through the window.
The cops were alerted and Smith was charged with criminal mischief, criminal trespass and breach of peace. This never would’ve happened in a Catholic Church. No one would break in to play a pipe organ.
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