Heavy drinking can have a lot of unwanted side effects: the spins, vomiting, a nasty hangover the next day. But unfortunately, no amount of alcohol will turn paper into a telephone: a lesson one guy learned the hard way.
Iowa City Police arrested Deaaron M. Hearn after he allegedly drunkenly tried to use a $20 bill to make a phone call. The cops claim they found him on a park bench at 2:30 a.m. And we all know nothing good happens in a park at 2:30 a.m.
“Police say officers then offered Hearn the chance to call his friends from his cell phone and instead of grabbing his phone, Hearn placed a $20 bill to his ear and used it as a cell phone,” reports the Iowa City Press Citizen.
As far as binge drinking goes, this guy definitely wasn’t phoning it in. In fact, a preliminary breath test showed he had a blood alcohol content of .178.
Was he just drunk or is Hearn secretly some kind of James Bond-esque spy harboring secret technology? The future is here and it’s being distributed exclusively to borderline alcoholics.
It’s highly unusual for people to mistake cold, hard cash for electronic devices, though if he’d tried to use his cell phone to pay his $20 bar tab, the bartender might have gladly accepted the exchange — assuming it wasn’t a BlackBerry.
Hearn was charged with a misdemeanor count of public intoxication, likely because “drinking so much you try to make a phone call with a $20 bill” isn’t a crime… though it feels like it should be.