Hey couch potatoes! Our nation’s space agency is looking to pay big bucks for you to lay in bed and do nothing for over two months. All they want to do is monitor you while you read comic books, watch porn and eat chips. You might need to poop in bed too, but we’re pretty sure that’s on your resume.
But seriously, they say you can even telecommute to your job while working this job. That’s nearly a twenty thousand dollar bonus for people like me who already work from home!
There’s only one cruel hitch: You need to be as fit as an astronaut to be selected. Like, super fit. Yeah. If that wasn’t the case, there’s no way I’d be sharing this primo job opportunity with y’all. Not only that, you need to get a full work over by a psychologist to see if you can handle it mentally and worse — you need to lie in bed in Texas. This means no outings to find the best chicken fried steak joint that might only be a few short steps away.
There’s real scientific knowledge to be gleaned from the people who are forced to do this “bed rest study.” As your muscles whither away to dust you’ll be helping advance our knowledge of space flight. So, if you think you’ve got the right lazy stuff, go ahead and apply now.