Rob Davies is living a 12-year-old’s dream. He gets to wear whatever he wants, plays games for a living, and spends his days going on long walks with his pet tortoise. The problem is that he’s not a kid. In fact, he has a kid. And a wife. He’s a grown man.
Rob and his 4-year-old tortoise, Maximus, are local celebrities in their neighborhood in Gorton, Manchester where they regularly spend up to five hours a day strolling around. Most of the time Maximus is trotting along at the breakneck speed of one mile per hour, until he slows things down to chew on some grass, of course.
Rob claims that getting as much sun and exercise as possible is essential to the tortoise’s health if he wants to live another, oh, 116 years or so — his life expectancy. Though being that he’s just a glorified turtle, for all we know Maximus sees himself in an Amanda Berry situation and it’s just impossible to shake his human captor when your maximum speed is slower than a light summer breeze.
If you’re wondering what Rob does for a living that would allow him to spend so much time with his captive tortoise, you’re not alone. According to the Daily Mail, Rob is a professional poker player. He must be on a killer winning streak.
Rob says he plans to keep Maximus for as long as he can, after which he’ll give him away to a zoo or sanctuary. That is, unless he finds himself short-stacked at a poker table, at which point who knows what a well-exercised celebrity tortoise might be worth? But that’s for the cashier to decide.