From the watered-down bourbon to the allegations that the horses are hopped up on performance-enhancing “milkshakes” — the most exciting two minutes in sports is absurd. If you want proof, I’ve already detailed it all in a beautiful full-color photo gallery called the Dumbest Things about the Kentucky Derby.
But perhaps you’re itching to know what will happen? Or maybe you just have a thing for southerners who desperately want to be seen wearing hats that look pulled from the British Royal Family’s dumpster?
Well now you can skip the televised race, because the Wall Street Journal has produced a Kentucky Derby highlight reel of this year’s race. And it stars horses made from potatoes and pipe cleaners!
SFX: record scratch
Wait, what? Yes, potato puppets and the Wall Street Journal. And yes, it’s highlights from the future. Well heck, it must get stressful waiting for the eurozone’s economy to finally implode — they gotta blow off some steam, right?
I kinda like it when WSJ gets their freak on. Check it out: