First of all, I hate April Fools’ Day.
It’s a frustrating exercise in just exactly HOW unfunny most people in this country are, which is maddening because why can’t THEY ALL HOST THE TONIGHT SHOW!!?
So many qualified people, and just one chair.
Anyway, if I had to pick one thing I hated most about April Fools’ it’s having to guess which things you read online are total lies, and which ones are actually, mindbogglingly true.* For example, after seeing a Gawker headline about Cardinal Timothy Dolan saying in an interview that while gays should not be allowed to marry, or have sex with each other, they are “entitled to friendship,” I laughed out loud. “Well played Gawker!” I chuckled to myself, “What a ridiculously out of touch yet borderline plausible statement for a higher up in the Catholic Church to make!”
You see a joke like that is pretty funny, because the only plausible way anyone on earth could be so mindblowingly patronizing to an entire group of people, would be if he had the word “Father” right there in his official title, AND WHADDYA KNOW, HE DOES!! Great joke everybody, but Dolan would never really say that because the Catholic Church isn’t, you know, a hate group, they are actually just a bunch of guys who set an impossibly high standard of conduct in a myriad of different areas of life, knowing full well that their followers pick and choose which edicts to follow, and in the process, better themselv- I’m sorry WHAT?
He REALLY SAID THAT?
Yup, he really said that.
Gay people are “entitled to friendship.”
So Happy Not-April-Fools, gays!
Now get out there and make some friends!
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* If you just said that is everyday on the Internet, yes you are correct, and well played, and yes, you too should be tapped to host the Tonight show.