“Give us bacon or give us death!” — says most everybody on the internet.  Well, it looks like you’re getting death.

In a recent study, putting bacon and other processed meats inside your stomach seems to = early death.  Of course, they didn’t test deep-fried bacon, probably because that dish means instant death.  And unlike having a rare disease like Cutis Marmorata Telangiectatica Congenita, people are not gonna feel sorry for you if you suffer from acute bacon scarfing syndrome.

But there are plenty of other ways to enjoy bacon besides eating it:

There’s bacon shaving cream.  There’s a way to add bacon to every website you love. And you can walk around with crocheted bacon in your pocket to remind you of the good times you and bacon shared before you found out your relationship was doomed.

But maybe you know the risks and are still obsessed with bacon — in a ’till death do us part kind of way.  Well then, you and bacon can enjoy a getaway at a Poconos resort with heart-shaped tubs and 7-foot-tall champagne glass whirlpools. Why the heck not?

Source: Processed Meat ‘Early Death’ Link

Top image via Rasta Imposta in 20 Crazy Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas

Image right via Paradise Steam Resort