The Academy Awards were so delightful in that they did not disappoint in the dumb department. Here’s the top five stupidest things that went down, so you can delete that three and a half hour chunk from your DVR right now.
1. Jennifer Lawrence stage dive
Walking up to get her Best Actress award, Lawrence found her mermaid bridal outfit way too difficult to manage. She tripped and fell dramatically on the stairs. I think it was a tribute to Barbra Steisand, who did a surprise Marvin Hamlisch tribute at the show and also did a very similar Oscar acceptance fall in 1969. Points to Babs for also doing a great Jennifer Aniston impression.
2. Shirley Bassey belts it out in babeolicious form
Why forget a stunning performance of “Goldfinger” by this glamorous granny? Because she is many decades younger than me and looks better than me. Awright, nevermind — go on with your bad self Bond girl. Bassey helped us forget about all the beards and award winners who, taken together, looked like a beach bum Gandolf boy band, at least for a minute or two.
3. Sexist Seth?
From jokes about bulimia (women giving themselves the flu to look good) to the boobs song — Seth MacFarlane seemed to spout a non-stop cavalcade of jokes aimed at women. Luckily the internet was there to bitch and moan about it on Twitter so the ladies did not need to fume alone. Bonus points go to Hilary Reinsberg at Buzzfeed for putting out a listicle about it during the show that got updated in real time. See Reinsberg’s: 9 Sexist Things that Happened at the Oscars.
4. Meryl Streep underwear and envelope malfunction
She got caught fishing her panties out of her butt and then opened the envelope after the film clips but before the nominees were put up on the screen. Although she’s a living screen legend, maybe she should take a cue from Anne Hathaway, a newly-minted Oscar winner who knows how to go commando. See: Matt Lauer demonstrates the wrong way to inform a famous actress you’ve seen her vagina.
5. Final midnight “Here’s the the Losers” romp.
Did anyone else stay awake long enough to catch Seth MacFarlane and a skinny blonde squirrel (Kristen Chenoweth) sing “Here’s to the Losers”? Maybe not. It’s wasn’t very funny and hey –at the 1985 Oscars Irene Cara sang Here’s to the Losers. It was different. And better. Thanks YouTube for validating this ye olde memory of mine with a clip. At right is a screen shot of Irene’s performance, but I like to think that was her reaction when she saw this year’s number at home. Wait, where is Irene? She was awesome and she’s very much alive. I guess like Shirley Bassey, this talented chick will have to cool her heels for another 25 Oscar shows before we find out.
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