The Carnival Triumph is “just squalor and disgusting,” according to the New York Times. The Triumph is also now a hilarious ironic name for a disaster ship. With almost no food and free booze, as the cruise ship lurches into a Mobile Alabama port filled with plastic baggies of 4,000 people’s poos, some wonder if taking a cruise is a good idea. Or maybe getting on a ginormous ship with a few thousand of your not-best friends is a bad idea. Also, just this week five people died on the Thomson Majesty — during a cruise safety drill. Understandably, stocks of Carnival Cruises and Royal Caribbean are dropping like an old lady’s diamond necklace cast in the sea.
Well it’s not just feces, disease and death you need to be afraid of. There are nine other really good reasons to never go on a cruise and it’s not just because — as you may have heard — planes have been invented.
Image: Not in the gallery — just a super bonus image of chef Guy Fieri, Sheryl Underwood, Sara Gilbert, and Aisha Tyler on a tacky Titanic float. You’re welcome. Lisette M. Azar / Landov