The last time we checked in with the Today Show’s resident lecher Matt Lauer, he was letting Anne Hathaway know he had seen her vagina in just about the worst way possible. Well, the old perv is back in action , this time smarming all over the Internet’s girlfriend du jour, new Sports Illustrated cover girl Kate Upton. Video and a breakdown of some of Matt’s choicest lines after the jump, but first, notice that producers may suspect he’s becoming a problem when they instead decide to seat the female guest next to the weird weatherman who may have just messed up his pants.
There’s video of the interview, but we extracted the key quotes:
MATT LAUER: “You know there’s a reason they don’t shoot men’s swimsuit issues in the Antarctic.”
Everybody laughs, because nothing says “morning entertainment” like a rib-tickling gag about how a man’s penis shrinks in the cold. This is a particularly stupid comment from Lauer, seeing as a) there are no such things as iconic swimsuit issues featuring male models on the scale of Sports Illustrated, and b) even if there were, male models who aren’t porn stars aren’t typically judged on the size of their schlongs. So, it’s a joke about something that could never happen, and even if it did, wouldn’t. Nice one. Then, just like it went with Anne Hathaway, it’s the female who has to get Matt off the hook for his trashy joke. Kate covers him by saying, “Well — it’s only because you guys can’t HANDLE it!” More laughing and agreement follow, cause isn’t that better than dwelling on Lauer’s dick joke? Yes. Yes it is.
MATT LAUER: (on Kate Upton posing half-naked in the Antarctic) “What was it like?”
Really, Matt? What was it like to wear a bikini in the Antarctic? She’s probably going to say it was cold, you dummy. Let’s give her a chance to answer: “It was freezing.” GREAT QUESTION, MATT- now why are you here again?
MATT LAUER: After you were on the (Sports Illustrated) cover last year, did you notice a major difference in the kind of attention you’re getting… the kinds of jobs you were being offered?
Sadly, she doesn’t answer, “yes — before that happened, I had to deal with so many fewer weird pervs like you!”
MATT LAUER: 62 million people will (Here, Matt makes large, comical air quotes) “read” this issue.
Everybody laughs again, because Matt, while sitting right next to this woman, has made a clever joke referencing the millions of men, himself included, who won’t really read the issue, because instead, they plan to masturbate! Priceless!
Now what time is it, 9:30 AM? Who needs a refill on coffee!?
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