The International Consumer Electronics Show, CES, is happening right now in Las Vegas. It’s like SXSW for journalists. They get an all-expense paid trip to look at gadgets and then report on it when they sober up enough to type.
And since Apple is not there and nobody has invented flying cars yet, there’s not much excitement. But nothing gets press faster than something stupid. That’s why the HAPIfork seen at left, is taking CES by storm.
This implement promises it’ll help you lose weight and lead to healthier eating habits. What does it do? It flashes when you eat too fast, so everyone knows for sure you are a pig. Sensors embedded in the fork determine how long it took to polish off a meal, how many times you put food in your mouth per minute, and it measures the intervals between each bite. Then you upload your data to an online app or something.
Here are 5 reasons this new technology is truly dumb…
Top 5 Reasons the Smart Fork is Stupid
1. When someone overeats there’s usually no fork involved
Chips, cheese puffs, chocolates, cookies, pizza, that bit of leftover meatloaf in the fridge, cereal from the box and tons of other crap we stuff ourselves with goes straight from fist to maw.
2. Looking at your eating data will be insanely boring
I can’t imagine anyone who will be able to stay awake looking at their bite interval data. Maybe there’s a use if you’ve lost your health insurance and use this data as an Ambien replacement.
3. Using the flashing fork in public will mark you as a crazy person
Are you going to take your kooky light-up fork to dinner parties? Family barbeques? Fancy restaurants? You will look like an idiot and need to explain to everyone what it is and they will rightfully judge you. Still, you are giving them the gift of having something to laugh about when they get home. “Can you believe Larry and his frackin’ flashing fork?”
4. Information must be downloaded after each meal.
That’s a new job for you right there. You’d lose weight if you took a walk after each meal, but no, you’ll be sitting on your rump in front of a computer.
5. $99 for a fork
And it’s not even real silver? Fuggedaboutit.
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