According to The Lapine* there’s one type of GM (genetically modified) cucumber that causes genital baldness. The report says they are veggies that were grown “under license to Monsanto Inc.” and that they have a curious side effect: Complete groin hair loss. In Nova Scotia this has reportedly led to “the immediate and total ban of sales of all that company’s crop and subsequent dill pickles.”
This report is an anti-GM foodies wet dream. Monsanto is a buzzword for big evil company to most everyone, but especially to those who aren’t sure what they do. And the article mentions McDonald’s possibly using them (health food person’s nightmare fuel) by accident and says that mice and feral cats were found bald — which would make any animal lover ready to pick up pitchforks and march on the corporate headquarters. Because there’s a lot of human suffering in the world but once the internet hears cats are involved, things get serious. And what about the sex angle?
Well add the sexy angle to it — public hair flying off — and this is a story that will run around the world wide web faster than a drunk naked Brit on the pitch at a soccer game. Plus people are crazy for cucumbers.
Is it true? Well many people are sharing this story as true. Mentions of exotic foreign countries Americans have no idea about, such as Canada, make it suspicious. But if it was true — the people who make razors, bleaches and depilatories will be very very nervous. Why should I shave if I can simply enjoy a healthy GM salad? Porn stars would pool their money to buy up fields of the crop.
I suspect a man wrote this article because as a woman who needs a wax now and again (actually right now) I only see upside here. The article is by Robin Steele — which kind of sounds like a porn star name, actually. But remember our dear departed Bee Gee, Robin Gibb? It totally might be a dude.
Besides, although they’re dumb, some people love hairless pets. Y’all need to chill. And if it is true, pass me some of that delicious Frankenfood, STAT.
*The Lapine is a fake news source but many are quoting and spreading it as real so we are too.
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