Have you ever wanted to ask a stranger what the dumbest part of their job is? Well, we have and can and did. In this latest installment, we ask comedian Abbi Crutchfield to tell us about her job. Abbi’s comedy schedule is packed but luckily she took time out to answer a few of our dumb questions.
What’s the dumbest thing a stand-up comedian can do before a show?
One of the dumbest things you can do before a show is dip both hands into a bowl of baked beans. You’re gonna get it all over the host, the microphone, and probably your face when you come to the part of your act where you thoughtfully stroke your chin. It will be a big distraction the whole show. Then you’ve got your head shots to worry about when everyone wants an autograph. It’s a classic, rookie move.
What’s the worst joke you ever told on stage?
Worst as in the joke that got the least amount of standing ovations afterwards? Maybe you’re confusing me with some small time chump? When I get through with the audience their only complaint is that they can’t physically stay in the room longer because their children are at home and need them. Please don’t ever get it twisted like that again.
What’s the dumbest thing a heckler ever said to you on stage?
I don’t let the hecklers come on stage with me. I make sure they stay in their seats. If they get too rowdy, I signal the largest person in the room, as if he were a bouncer, and I say, “No there’s no need for that, Tank. You don’t have to escort anyone out yet. Hey why do they call you Tank, anyway? Is it because you have no scruples about mercilessly crushing someone into the ground? Please be patient with our talkative friend here. No, on second thought, you know what? GET HIM, TANK!” And if the heckler doesn’t bolt, I shrug and go back to my jokes. Another method is to offer the heckler nacho-flavor tortilla chips. No one can resist them, and it buys me 3 to 5 extra minutes of unfettered performance.
Follow Abbi Crutchfield on Twitter @curlycomedy