Never ever have your wedding anywhere near a beach, river or lake. Even a large puddle should be feared. Because although scenic, people get crazy in public recreation areas and they may very well ruin your big day.
I learned this when I attended my eldest brother’s wedding. I was a young teenage lass and the wedding took place on a beautiful day on a grassy lawn. But there was a canal off the backyard which was an inlet to the Long Island Sound. As the vows were exchanged, many drunk dudes in boats started toasting us with Bud cans. And yes, it got worse…
The fat dudes in boats were honking their horns and screaming things at my brother like, “TURN BACK BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE! HAW HAW HAW” and “SHE’S HOT PIECE OF [redacted]!” and “WOO!” and then they took off their clothes to reveal red sunburnt flab and started twirling their clothes in the air as their motor boats idled by the wedding party.
As his fiance was Japanese, you can imagine how her ultra-polite parents visiting America for the first time took this kind of behavior. It confirmed their worst fears about Americans. At least they didn’t speak any English, thank Thor. Maybe they thought those dudes were quoting Walt Whitman.
I thought it was kind of hilarious and also thought I would never ever get married anywhere near a source of water.
So the story of Bradley John Steiner, pictured at left, was no surprise to me. Steiner, 22, allegedly disrupted a beachfront wedding taking place on Marco Island in Florida by shouting at guests and chucking unopened beer cans, one of which reportedly hit the best man.
According to police Steiner shouted obscenities, ran back and forth behind the altar and said, ““Hey tourists, get off my beach, I’m local.”
The wedding broke up to chase him, the guests finally called cops and Stiner was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication. Stiner also faces a misdemeanor battery charge for at least one beer can tossed because the best man said he would press charges.
I wish I could’ve talked to this couple before they chose a venue to tie the knot. But I hope my post has learned ya something: Get married barefoot with a beautiful vista at your peril.
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