Since we all know the end of the world is coming in 2013 — best git ready! Don’t believe us? Here’s 12 Reasons the World will End in 2012. But never fear — we’ve got 10 brilliant dumb ideas to make your last days on earth the best ever.
1. Stop doing laundry now
The end of days is coming — how much time might you waste washing stuff or bringing it to the cleaners? Time to dive into your closet and wear all that stuff you never let see the light of day. So what if people point and laugh at you? They’ll be toast soon too.
2. Eat all you want
Sorry Weight Watchers, but you won’t be seeing any of us in 2013 so it’s time to party. Need some ideas on what you should and can eat when you don’t live to suffer from high cholesterol, diabetes and obesity? Check out our Dumbest Things Americans Eat photo gallery. Oh and since we won’t ever see the next NFL championship — best whip up some awesome Super Bowl Party Foods STAT.
3. Tell your boss what you really think of him or her
Won’t that feel awesome? If you like them, great! If you don’t, yeah, you’ll be fired. But do you really want to spend these final moments trapped in a job you hate? No way!
4. Adopt all those cute dogs and cats who are in shelters
Poor puppies and kitties should spend the end of days in behind bars, right? Petting animals can lower blood pressure which will be very soothing when the skies rain fire and brimstone. Or heck — adopt a monkey — if it rips your face off or poos all over your living room, big whoop!
5. Buy an iPad 3 and an iPhone 5 and the biggest HDTV you can find
Impress all your friends and have fun — what credit card bill? Those things won’t show up before the apocalypse arrives.
And feel free to ask people who are totally out of your league — maybe even ask some porn stars. Be sure to tell them the end of world is coming and they need not live with the embarrassment or guilt for long. Helpful hint: Dumbest Things that Will Get You Laid
7. Stop pinning things on Pinterest
I know it’s hard but do you really want to waste your precious time pinning adorable Bento boxes?
8. Hit the beach and/or the tanning booth
You look pasty. Melanoma schmelanoma — if we’re not seeing 2013 you’re never going to hafta get your moles checked — go get yourself as burnt as Bon Jovi!
9. Post social network stupidity
Be an idiot on Facebook. Tweet naked pictures of yourself. Tell your high school chum their baby is ugly. You know you want to.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them
This is kind of like something you should always do but it probably takes your dumb rump the threat of certain death to do it. So, like, just do it already.
And follow blogger Susie on Twitter: @susiefelber