Thanksgiving may be the day we stuff ourselves with more food than the typical American can handle — which is a crapload of grub by the way — but the real gluttony begins on Black Friday. If you’re one of those brave souls who plans on risking their lives in order to save a couple of bucks then you’re in luck! We’ve put together this handy little list of the six types of Black Friday shoppers you should do everything you can to avoid. Good luck and Thor speed!
1. The Soccer Mom
Like a plague of locusts devouring everything in their path, the soccer mom brings the whole family in hopes of devouring all the best stuff. Best to avoid this shopper like, well, a plague of locusts.
2. The General
A strategist with a plan of attack, this person has spent weeks mapping out the sale. The general is also likely to be hated by their family since no one likes having orders barked at them.
3. The Survivalist
Probably the most iconic shopper on Black Friday, the survivalist is the type of shopper that’ll camp in front of the store so they can be first as soon as the doors open. They seem like a pretty mellow outdoorsy kind of person on the outside, but as soon as the store opens they go all “Red Dawn” on you to get what they want.
4. The Linebacker
These are the lovely people who’ll tackle kids just for a toy. You’re most likely to see them on the news as the person the police are looking for in trampling injuries.
5. The Tag Team
This Black Friday duo holds the tag team championship belts for the most hated kind of shopper. Tag team shopping is when one person waits in line while the other goes shopping and some consider this cheating since it’s sort of like butting in line. It may be a good way to cut down on the time you have to spend in the store, but you pay for it in dirty looks people shoot you.
6. The Complainer
The person who will not shut up about how crowded the shops are even though they knew it was Black Friday. This is probably the most social interaction they’ll get in the year since no one can stand being around someone who whines that much.
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