FYI There’s a very important election today in the U.S.A. and like many things of great import, we just want to take the piss out of it.
Look at this picture to Vice President Joe Biden casting his ballot in Delaware. He looks thrilled but the poll worker looks super uncomfortable — she’s got gas and/or she wants to run away. Their two opposite but interdependent reactions — the yin and yang of comedy — are exactly how a great election day tweet should make one feel.
Here are the very best Election Day tweets. We’ll update this with new tweets as they are born into the world. And for special stupid coverage tonight, don’t forget to follow @DumbAsABlog — heck, might as well — it’s not like the networks are gonna get it right.
Best Dumb Election Day Tweets Roundup
Casting my CA ballot, where I can vote for Obama, against the death penalty, and finally admit that I don’t care if porn stars wear condoms.
— Emily (@klickitatstreet) November 6, 2012
Voting with my head, heart, & my vagina today so I hope that booth has a yoga mat.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) November 6, 2012
And so America’s last undecided voter, Phil, wakes up, brushes Doritos dust off his T-shirt and goes out to buy Halo 4. THE END
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) November 6, 2012
Just waited in a crazy long line, and it’s time to make a choice. What do you think? Premium or unleaded?
— Ritch Duncan (@ritchied) November 6, 2012
Shorter Twitter: I voted / I did/didn’t wait a long time to vote / Here’s a pic of me/my kid/my dog with my “I voted” sticker.
— Paul Smalera (@smalera) November 6, 2012
Today I will be voting for the lesser of two Evel Knievel’s. Thank you comedy loves me.
— Matt_Dwyer (@Matt_Dwyer) November 6, 2012
Can’t wait for the first exit polls so all this pointless speculation can be replaced by pointless speculation.
— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) November 6, 2012
Wanna see how dumb America is? Search the word “ballads” real quick.
— Ice (@OfficiallyIce) November 6, 2012
Babies all over Facebook are wearing “I Voted” stickers. STOP VOTER FRAUD.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 6, 2012
Exit polls: It’s Newt.
— Andrew Kaczynski (@BuzzFeedAndrew) November 6, 2012
I’m volunteering as a voting observer, but only to make observations like, “What’s the DEAL with punch cards?”
— Rob Kutner (@ApocalypseHow) November 6, 2012
James Carville begins election coverage after long morning of sunning himself on rock.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) November 7, 2012
Remember, no spoilers for the west coast.
— Jon Friedman (@friedmanjon) November 7, 2012
Oooh…It’s eLection day. THAT was embarrassing.
— Stephen Wacker (@StephenWacker) November 7, 2012
The election is just viral marketing for “Lincoln” movie.
— Brian Berrebbi (@Berrebbi) November 7, 2012
Akin Breakin Heart.Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
— A.D. Miles (@80miles) November 7, 2012
Had a friend who waited two hours to vote for the Green Party. That’s like waiting in a gas line two hours to pump air in your bike tires.
— Mike Lawrence (@TheMikeLawrence) November 7, 2012
MY CAR MAGNET WORKED!!!
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) November 7, 2012
Slap a pair of bifocals on Karl Rove and hand him a kite and he looks just like Ben Franklin.
— bex schwartz (@starbex) November 7, 2012
Thank God!Now I can finally take up cliff diving! — Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
— Steven Rosenthal (@Rosenthaltweets) November 7, 2012
My uterus just sighed in relief. Kidding, it was just a conveniently timed queef.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) November 7, 2012
I bet Mitt wishes he hadn’t canceled The View.
— Wendy Liebman (@WendyLiebman) November 7, 2012
I really hope Obama uses this speech as an opportunity to cancel Christmas, tax prayer, and make anal mandatory.
— John DeVore (@JohnDeVore) November 7, 2012
Barack Obama appears to be months away from being the shortest member of his nuclear family.
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) November 7, 2012
Are the conservatives having heart attacks right now just a LITTLE bit grateful for Obamacare?
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) November 7, 2012
Image: KEVIN LAMARQUE/Reuters /Landov
Follow blogger Susie on Twitter: @susiefelber