Ugh, it's Boss's Day again! That one day of the year when we're forced to pay homage to our idiots slave drivers who sign our checks. Except for my boss of course! My boss is super-awesome and would never fire me for any reason whatsoever! So, before I dig myself into a deeper hole, here's 10 of the craziest ways you can get fired on Bosses Day. Or as I like to call it "why my boss is the coolest and totally doesn't smell like old beef jerky."
1. Not giving up your Facebook password
Our Facebook profile has become like an extension of who we are online, kind of like an extra limb. So it was pretty shocking when a teacher's aide in Michigan was fired for not telling her boss what her Facebook password was. It turns out a parent complained about a racy picture she posted on Facebook and her boss wanted to see what else she was posting online. If this becomes the norm, I'm fairly confident the unemployment rate will jump from 8 percent to 80 percent overnight.
2. Posting a rant on YouTube
On YouTube anything goes, right? No when Starbucks is involved! Barista Christopher Cristwell was fired for posting his "Starbucks Rant Song" on YouTube. Dressed only in his green apron, Cristwell made fun of everyone from irate rich people to overweight frappuccino addicts. He may have been fired for the song but in return he got 15 minutes of Internet fame! Unfortunately his 15 minutes of Internet fame has yet to pay the rent.
3. Using your email on company time
Two PNC Bank employees in New Jersey were fired after allegedly using their email to forward jokes to other employees. The bank claimed they were fired for emailing on company time but I think they were just tired of getting annoying forwards from them.
4. Being too fat
At 5-foot-10 and 120 pounds, Ralph Lauren model Filippa Hamilton was fired for being too fat. The company claimed that it was because of her "inability to meet the obligations under her contract". Apparently, those obligations included having the head of an adult woman and the body of an 11-year-old boy.
5. For reading a blog
Back in 2009 a judge in New York ruled that you couldn’t be fired for surfing the web. He compared surfing the Internet for great blogs (like this one) with other acceptable activities such as taking personal calls or reading the newspaper. Besides, what kind of a boss would fire someone for reading an informative, yet funny, blog like this one? A terrible boss who's dead inside, that's who!
6. Not signing a loyalty oath
Wendy Gonaver was a teacher at Cal State Fullerton but was fired for not signing an oath swearing to defend the United States against "enemies, foreign and domestic." So the next time you're looking for a good school for your kids, be sure to ask if the teachers are trained to take up arms against the likes of King George III.
7. Acting too sexy
The Huffington Post reported that Lauren Odes was fired for dressing too sexy for her Orthodox Jewish employers. It would be pretty understandable if she worked as a kindergarten teacher but no, she was a data entry clerk at a lingerie warehouse! Her figure was deemed to "distracting" for the office. Really? More distracting than the crotchless panties they sell? Wow that must've been some casual Friday.
8. Being too old
It's illegal to fire someone for being too old but that hasn't stopped some horrible bosses from kicking grandpa and grandma to the curb. In one case a 42-year-old banker in Canada won an age discrimination lawsuit where he was allegedly replaced by a younger person. Although the real question is, why would a bank want to replace an older employee with a younger one? Would you trust a bank that was being run by a 20-year-old? Please — they'd offer a mortgage in exchange for MGMT tickets.
9. Being gay
In twenty-nine of the fifty states you can be fired from your job for being gay, and unfortunately for Lisa Howe, she lived in one of those states. Howe was a soccer coach at Belmont University in Tennessee, when she was fired for coming out and announcing that she and her lesbian partner were having a baby. The university chairman claimed to be maintaining a high moral standard in the decision. Although some would argue that it's a little hard to claim the moral high ground when it's legal to marry your first cousin in your state.
10. For saying "ho"
A Santa Clause for an Australian department store was fired for saying "ho ho ho" instead of "ha ha ha". The change came when someone in upper management thought that customers would get confused and think Santa Claus was calling them a ‘hoe’ — a mix up that’s happened a total of zero times in the history of Christmas.
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