(image via knowyourmeme.com)
The vice presidential debates are this Thursday, and the candidates are going to fight tooth and nail for every last vote. Now while we could poke fun at Joe Biden and Paul Ryan, we'd like to shift our focus and shine a light on the different kinds of voters that'll be watching the debate. So here it is, the ten dumbest types of voters that'll decide the future of our country on Election Day:
1. The Email Chain Voter
The 'Email Chain Voter' is someone who believes whatever their Uncle Billy Bob sends them in an email forward. Forget about reasoning with these people because anything you say will always elicit a "that's what they want you to think" response.
2. Emotional Voters
'Emotional Voters' are people who love a certain politician no matter what they do because 'Emotional Voters' are like parents with a mean, spoiled kid. No matter what horrible thing the kid does to the neighbor's cat, the parents will always think of them as innocent little angels.
3. Undecided Voters
Oh, come on! Seriously? You have the Internet, quit being so lazy and make a decision already!
4. One Issue Voters
These types of voters will sacrifice everything for the sake of one issue. The problem is we don't live in a "one issue country." So this is dumb unless, of course, they hit us with the promise of flying cars — in which case that candidate is totally getting my vote!
5. Superficial Voters
The 'Superficial Voter' is anyone who supports a candidate just because they have an expensive hair cut and a deep tan, which probably explains why John Boehner has been in office for so long.
6. Uninformed Voters
The 'Uninformed Voter' is the kind of person who could tell you every single time Mama June Shannon farted, burped, and sneezed on any given episode of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo", but has no idea who the president is.
7. The Armchair Political Expert
Forget about having a normal conversation with an armchair political expert because it's impossible. They just regurgitate everything they hear on the cable news shows and never add anything new or insightful to a political conversation.
8. Ron Paul Supporters
Sorry kids, it ain't gonna happen. Americans will never elect a guy who wants to use gold doubloons as our nation's official currency.
9. People Who Think They're Making A Difference
Bless their little patriotic hearts! These true believers are out there day in and day out weighing the pros and cons of each candidate before casting their ballot. Unfortunately, if you're in your 20s and live in a strong blue or red state then your vote doesn't really amount to much in a presidential election.
10. Racist Voters
Racist voters are still out there waiting for the South to rise again, but in the meantime they're going to vote for the white guy because they're also sexist. It's a bit harder to spot a racist voter these days but you can still peg them when they bandy about phrases like "states rights" or "lame stream media".