In news about as unsurprising as the time Anderson Cooper told everyone he was gay, The Boston Red Sox announced that Bobby Valentine will not be returning to manage the club in 2013.
After wrapping up their worst season in decades, the BoSox are on the hunt for a new bench boss, but who should they hire?
Don't worry. We have a few dumb suggestions:
1) Jose Canseco
Qualifications: Former All Star, even played for the Red Sox for a short time.
Drawbacks: Steroid poster boy, had a twitter feed so dumb it earned him a column for VICE.
2) Mr. Met
Qualifications: Like Bobby Valentine, found success in the Mets organization
Drawbacks: The Mets suck. Also, his head is a giant baseball.
3) Big Bird
Qualifications: If Mitt Romney wins in November, he'll need a job.Has a teddy bear named Radar.
Drawbacks: Dealing with Boston sports media could tarnish stellar reputation for loving everyone he meets.
4) Sonia Sotomayor
Qualifications: Supreme Court Justice, Brilliant mind, enjoys baseball, speaks English and Spanish
Drawbacks: Would likely demand job for life. Even worse, she's a Yankee fan.
5) Bill Buckner
Qualifications: Red Sox nation claims to have forgiven him for his error in the 1986 World Series
Drawbacks: They haven't.
[Bobby Valentine will not be back as Red Sox Manager for 2013]
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