In a normal year, it would be hard to argue that the Bikini Hockey League is better than the National Hockey League. If you like hockey, the NHL features the best hockey players in the world, playing the best game in the world, for the best trophy in the world. Even if you're just in it for the T&A, the NHL not only boasts some pretty terrific looking ice girls, but sometimes, porn stars show up for the Finals.
That being said, as labor issues threaten the cancellation of at least part of a season for the third (?!) time since 1994, the Bikini Hockey League is starting to look a heck of a lot better. I chatted with BHL player Heather Josie Moore (pictured above), and development director Chris Wallace, who doesn't look as good in a swimsuit, and came up with five reasons why the Bikini Hockey League is currently eating the NHL's lunch. And yes, pervs, there are more pictures.
1) They're playing the same number of games.
Sure, the Bikini Hockey League isn't "playing" any "games" right now, but neither is the NHL, and when you compare rosters and budgets, you gotta call that tie as as a win for the BHL. According to Moore and Wallace, they have enough girls now to have six complete roller hockey teams, and are negotiating with a company called Cheyenne Enterprises to create a reality show based on the league. Once they get the reality show going, they hope to get the league up on it's skates in cities like Chicago, New York, Phoenix, Oklahoma and more. That is easily as good a plan as the time the NHL lost an entire season, dropped off ESPN and came back on a channel nobody heard of called "Versus."
2) The appeal is easier to explain
I asked Greg Wyshynski, massive puckhead and editor of the Yahoo! Sports hockey blog Puck Daddy, to explain the NHL's appeal in a sentence. He said " The NHL is the greatest sport in the world because it combines everything fans crave: speed, violence, unpredictability, strategy, athleticism, winners, losers, shiny trophies, humiliation, redemption, heroes, villains and crippling avarice-filled labor disputes that bring the league to a screeching stop. OK, maybe not that last one." That's a brilliant summary, but a little long. When I asked Wallace to describe the appeal of the Bikini Hockey League in a single sentence, he gave me a single word: "Obvious."
3) They are much, much funnier.
When I asked Wallace if the bikini hockey league had fighting, he not only said that there was, but went on to actually say the following: "Let me tell you something: I would MUCH rather go toe-to-toe with a guy in the NHL than one of
thse girls." While he was trying, I'm sure, to drive home the point that the women in the Bikini Hockey League are tough, I'll remind you what it looks like when a fan goes "toe-to-toe" with a fighter from the NHL:
While Mr Wallace is spectacularly wrong on this particular point, I will give him this- NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has never made me laugh. Not once.
4) They have a more solid future in Phoenix
Heather Josie Moore called me from Phoenix, Arizona, where she told me she was a fan of the "Coyotes, for sure." This is the franchise that was taken over by the NHL after it's owner declared bankruptcy, and once gave away a free ticket to anybody who bought a bottle of vodka. While the Coyotes have certainly improved, and the BHL in Phoenix faces some stiff competion in terms of hockey-themed photos of hot girls (see the Twitter account of Coyote defenseman Paul "Biz Nasty "Bissonnette), the fact remains that the NHL's future in Phoenix is anything but assured.
5) The medical issues are a lot less complicated.
Like the NFL, the National Hockey league is struggling with an epidemic of concussions. Any responsible contact sports league in the 21st century must deal with the question of how to maintain the integrity of their sport while limiting the risk for its players. In the NHL, Sidney Crosby, the Pittsburgh superstar and public face of the NHL sat out for almost the entire season last year with concussion symptoms. When I asked Chris Wallace if he had any medical issues at the BHL that caused players to miss games he told me this: "I had a girl once who had to back out because she was getting her boobs done. She didn't make the trip at all." But don't worry, you guys. I'm happy to report she made a full recovery.