Dress Barn. It's a store for women.
The first time I saw the store as a young lass I thought — no way that place is going to stay in business.
It had nothing to do with the clothes that might be inside. But why would a gal ever go there to find out what they had? What about a barn says fashion?
But amazingly it still is in business. Not only that, turns out Dress Barn has been going since 1962, long before I was born. Heck it's listed on the NASDAQ as DBRN. How is that possible?
Let's see…
I've worked on a farm. Barns have hay and manure. Not so fashionable. Barns also have animals. Walking into a Dress Barn you can't help but feel like a horse, a pig or at best you might feel like a sheep. But although sheep give wool and look adorable from afar they smell horrible. As the sheep grows so do the things that stick to it so that before shearing they are a moble poo and lanolin factory. Best you can hope is you look like a farmer's wife. Which is better than dressing like a poo sheep but probably only as stylish as Phyllis Thaxter as the lady who played Superman's earth mom in the movie.
Also I'll admit I assumed the store was for big girls only. Nothing wrong with that and I'm not super skinny but it's another reason I didn't go in. I thought the store name was code for the heifer-sized — women who couldn't fit through regular doors and needed big double-wide doors. But it's not for big girls — it even carries petites. Lane Bryant is a store for larger ladies and nothing in that name clued me in. I remember going in Lane Bryant in college, wandering around and thinking — gee, they sure seem to be out of size 10.
I added "in college" because now you all think I'm an idiot. But seriously don't you think Dress Barn and Lane Bryant should perhaps strike a deal and change names? Move the plus-sized stuff to Dress Barn and the all sizes styles to Lane Bryant?
My Dad had size 15 shoes and was over six feet. He shopped at a place called "Big & Tall." I grew up thinking store names gave you some idea of what's inside. Heck even McDonald's has real Irish fare in the form of a Shamrock Shake.
In conclusion the name Dress Barn is totally dumb. But obviously, people lke the idea of shopping in a barn. Maybe Tiffany's should change their name to Jewelry Barn. Or Best Buy should become Appliance Barn. Or Radio Shack should become…anything other than Radio Shack.
OK Dress Barn, you win. Or rather, you lose the title.
Radio Shack is the dumbest name for a store ever.
Images: Library of Congress + Susie's custom futzing
