UGH! Come on poor people! Get it through your thick heads that we Americans are sick and tired of raising the standard of living in this country! Fortunately, we have politicians like Bill Young fighting the good fight against the corrupt minimum wage lobby in Washington, D.C.
The Federal minimum wage is already set at $7.25 an hour, which is more than enough money for a single person to buy dinner at an all-you-can-eat restaurant! Sure the food at most all-you-can-eat places wouldn't even pass the minimum quality requirements for most public school cafeterias, but it's still a heck of a deal.
Now some of you out there may be thinking, "But Nik, I have a family to support and my wife has a job too. We're still barely making it." What about the kids? They need to learn early on that there is no free lunch, so put them to work! Hold on a sec, you can't do that because of those pesky child labor laws. Thanks a million, FDR! Yet another reason you'll go down in history as one of the worst presidents ever.
Well, I guess that means you'll have to sacrifice a few more hours of sleep and get another job (of course you wouldn't have to if you didn't keep spending all your money on frivolous luxuries like all-you-can-eat restaurants). But if minimum wage work still isn't cutting it, then you'll just have to quit and go back to school so you can get a higher paying job. And since you can't put your kids to work (lame!) you'll have to take out an additional $40,000 in private student loans to cover your families basic living expenses.
See how easy that was? I just solved your problems for you! I'm actually pretty good at this. Maybe I should be a politician! Although I doubt I'd ever reach the level of greatness that Congressman Bill Young (thinks he) has acheived.