Guess what? The good news about mustaches is that they've staged a comeback in the past few years. The bad news is that they look stupid on just about everyone who grows one. Now you're probably thinking that I'm a total hypocrite for saying that because I have a pencil thin mustache in my profile picture. True, but it's only because I grew one for Halloween last year when I dressed up as a Greek Rhett Butler. But even for the few hours that I had that mustache (as cool as it was), I knew I didn't deserve it. The fact is, the mustache today has become more of a first world problem with hipsters wondering if a saloon 'stache would look more ironic than a villain 'stache.
Here’s a quick list of questions you can ask yourself to see if you qualify to grow a mustache:
- Have you fought in a war?
- Are you a cop?
- Have you wrestled an alligator?
- Are you over the age of forty?
- Are you Tom Selleck or Hulk Hogan?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, congratulations! You get to grow any mustache you want! If you answered 'no' to all of these questions but still want to grow one, at least grow a creepy coach ‘stache so we'll know who to stay away from.
Be sure to check The Great Mustache Gallery for the complete list of lip warmers you probably shouldn't grow.