I don't have any kids, so you might think I'm not qualified to weigh in on what new parents should and shouldn't do. But you'd be wrong. Plenty of people don't have kids or trust funds or new Jaguars, but when we see our friends bragging about having these things on Facebook or Twitter, we're completely qualified to want to e-sever the e-friendship.

So what could you, a new parent, possibly do that would make your friends wish you were barren? How about making a profile page for your baby? Not only is that creepy as hell, but this is the Internet. Not your personal Internet, not your private little scrapbook made with glitter and confetti, the Internet. The everyone-can-use-it-even-pedophiles-and-generalized-weirdos Internet. So calm it down and keep that stuff as private as possible. Even if it's just so your little bundle of joy won't need years of therapy after you posted pictures of them looking like this.

Oh and if you really loved your kid and didn't want them to die, you wouldn't ask your Facebook friends for medical advice. Besides, everyone knows, that's what Yahoo forums are for: getting concrete medical advice from an avatar of a guy with frosted tips and sunglasses.

6 worst new-parent Facebook mistakes

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