Normally I enjoy persusing dozens of websites to find the dumbest, most ridiculous news stories hitting the wires on any given day. But here's the deal. The Fourth of July is falling on a Wednesday this year, which means that employees at pretty much all of the corporate run media institutions will be bailing out by 3:00pm today.
So what does that mean for the news?
It's all dumb news today, baby.
-Somebody robbed a convenience store. OK, so what? She had really big boobs? RUN IT!
-Oh, and did you hear about the Alaskan town that was inexplicably upset that they couldn't get that weird new Taco Bell taco made out of Doritos? Me either. Well, they got their tacos. THAT IS TOTALLY NEWSWORTHY AND NOT AT ALL A MARKETING STUNT!
-How about politics? I mean, there's GOT to be something going on that's worth reporting. Vermont Senator will be appearing in a Batman movie? Good, that'll do. Hey, can someone start the BBQ for me?
-On the bright side, remember back when Bill O'Reilly said he would come out on his show and admit to being an idiot if the health care bill was upheld? Well, he did, kinda! Good for him, I guessZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
So what else is going on in this country. Anything?
Huh. Well, OK, screw it. Here's a picture of a guy carrying a pack of cigarettes under his man-boob.
Happy birthday, America!!!