Underpants aside, I'm a pretty serious person.

I'm a husband and a father, and recognize the financial, emotional and moral responsibilities I have to my family, my friends and the world around me. I try my best to stay at least marginally informed about what's going on in the world. I vote. Also, my favorite pair of underpants are covered in cartoon monkeys. The monkeys are wearing cowboy boots and twirling lassos over their heads. I mention this now because finding another pair of boxer shorts is becoming an increasingly difficult task.

(From Calvin and Hobbes, by Bill Waterson. Universal Press Syndicate, Andrew McMeel publishing)

Oh, they still make novelty boxer shorts. It's just that the vast majority of them are really, really dumb, and specifically, sexually dumb. If you're a guy who's shopping for funny drawings on your underpants, get ready for the broadest innuendo on earth. I've seen boxers with footballs and baseballs on them, (get it? BALLS!) I've seen boxers with dogs with bones in their mouths, and ones with giant phallic fireworks about to pop off. I once even saw a pair of boxers that were covered with cartoon pictures of firewood, which I sort of thought was funny until I realized it was setting up a Beavis and Butthead-eque punchline (Huh huh huh- I've got WOOD.)

Ugh. 

These guys are trying too hard. Girding ones loins with cartoon characters is enjoyable not because the clothing makes jokes about sex, but because it doesn't. They are funny because they are confusing, and because they reflect a choice. Yes, I choose to have monkeys on my underpants. And I do that not to make a crass joke– I don't want the monkeys to be holding giant bananas over their crotches, I just want the monkeys. Or teapots, or sailboats, or ham and cheese sandwiches, or the cast of 60 Minutes, or giraffes, or rotary telephones. I just want them to be different, I want them to be silly, and I don't want them to make any sense at all.

I'm not really sure what it is that makes me enjoy wearing silly underwear, but I do, and I'd like to issue an official call for underpant manufacturers the world over to please knock it off with the dirty jokes. I take my silly underpants seriously and the underpants you're selling are too stupid.

Does that make any sense?

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