Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend is tough because it involves two of the hardest things that human beings have to do in their lives: 1) making life-changing decisions, and 2) accepting the idea that in order to feel better, you must first feel worse.
The easier courses of action are: 1) do nothing and simply endure a bad relationship, -or- 2) decide to behave so passive-aggressively awful to the person you’re dating that you force THEM to make the hard choice and break up with you first, which honestly, Sheila, was the COWARDS way out. I BENT OVER BACKWARDS TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU AND YOU RESPOND BY HAVING SEX WITH YOUR THERAPIST? Who does that? Was it because I was the one who suggested you go into therapy in the first place? So it’s MY fault? I HAD to break up with you after that. You FORCED MY HAND. I mean look….
Sorry, everyone. That one got away from me a little.
What I’m saying is, break-ups are hard, and there are definitely things that you shouldn’t do right afterward, even though you’re really, really tempted. Don’t worry though, “fall back into bed with them one last time” isn’t on the list. In fact, one last sexual encounter can serve as a cathartic moment. It can be a sweet goodbye, a final connection, a celebration of your time together and a moment of closure. So you know, if you’re reading this Sheila, it’s worth mentioning, I haven’t changed the locks. If you wanted to come over and, oh, I don’t know, drop off your key, you could do that. If you want to.
Sigh.
THE SEVEN DUMBEST THINGS YOU CAN DO AFTER A BREAKUP
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